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spinstermanquee

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Posts posted by spinstermanquee

    Depressed SO, Feeling Overwhelmed...

    in Relationship Advice

    Posted

    On 2/9/2023 at 4:33 PM, Cynder said:

    I don't want my bf to think we are talking behind his back or ganging up on him.

    Cynder, hugs to you (((((  )))))

    I think you should talk to the HIL, you both love the hubs and you are both FAMILY.  You are the two closest folks to him.  Even if you only ping the HIL and invite him to have a transparent, relaxed family conversation between you three... anything else is going to encourage triangulation between y'all (trust me on the dynamic, I live it daily)!  Good luck my dear in supporting your honey.

    PS - please excuse me if I got the titles wrong (bf, hubs, hubs-in-law, bf-in-law) and feel free to substitute your preferred title 😉

    • Popular Post
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    He blames me for his marriage ending, but what about his choices?

    in Infidelity

    Posted

    1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

    And unless and until that happened, you should not have introduced him to your daughter at all. 

    Please, don't do anything like this again. Your daughter deserves better. 

    I'm going to sidestep the cheating and lying here (it's been addressed quite thoroughly) and go to the "meat" of the issue for me, which is modeling relationship behavior to one's daughter - healthy or not.

    My mother, while I was growing up, and to her dying day, was pathologically incapable of being without a man/sex source.  She did not model success and independence to me in her lifetime.  She showed me what a single woman who cannot function without a man/sex source acts and looks like.  She didn't teach me things or spend quality time with me, just the two of us, it always had to be with "the guy" she was seeing at the moment.  I had a few insta-daddies until I ran away from the toxic environment to start my own life at a quite tender age.

    I never respected my mother from the time I understood what she was up to, until yes - her dying day - when there was no funeral, no memorial, no condolence cards... nothing.  She had burned her bridges with all her family members, children, exes, friends, and there was no one left, not even her man/sex source in the assisted living facility threw a memorial for her.

    I'm not saying this is you, Gb.  I'm just throwing it out there that your daughter is going to remember your behavior how it shows up for her in past, present, and future.  Please don't be "that mom."  You deserve better - and most importantly, YOUR DAUGHTER deserves a happy balanced life with a sense of her worth.

    • Like 6

    How do I handle this potential red flag of mine?

    in Online Dating

    Posted

    I would not assume you don't have your act together if you're caretaking your parents in their place and saving money to buy your next property.  Actually that seems like a win-win-win situation for your family.

    As to how to address that item when it comes to dating, I think if the conversation calls for it and you feel comfortable discussing your living situation, just be open and honest.

    If it gets to where you are getting close and also closer to affection and intimacy, you can figure out the right and respectful place to go, (not sneaking her in your room at night like a teenager) or going over to her place too early (if she has kids).  Maybe hotel, airBnb, etc.

    • Like 2

    Women: Is a man being a sports fan positive/negative/neutral

    in Dating Advice

    Posted

    Gee I thought I married the only guy on the planet who doesn't give a fig about sports, LOL!

    When I was single, it was definitely a positive for me.  😉 I never liked being a football widow.

    Also, if someone's idea of a good time was watching golf on TV it was an automatic disqualifier.

    Mainly, don't try to be something you're not.  When I was VERY young I tried to like football but it just never "took" and I finally decided it was okay to admit i'm not a sports fan.

    • Like 1
    • Thanks 1

    Trying to heal

    in Infidelity

    Posted

    On 4/22/2023 at 5:24 AM, Astrogirl said:

    His excuses were impressive. He actually convinced me it was all in my head.

    This is called "gaslighting" and is a hallmark of abusers - turn it back around on the person like *they* did something wrong, takes the focus off their bad behavior - in this case, his cheating.  Please block him everywhere, there is no good to be gained from continuing to drink his toxic koolaid.

    I don't know what to do

    in Dating Advice

    Posted

    1 hour ago, H o p e said:

    it might look as if I was calculating, having too many options

    Hey Hope, please stop worrying about how it "looks, sounds, smells, feels" to HIM and start thinking about being in the moment, fully present, sincere, honest, with an open heart for YOU.  You are an awesome woman, you met a man you sparked with, keep your humor by your side and why not try Sindy's suggestion with a funny, flirty text?  At least then you can either open or close the story from there and stop wondering if you did too much, too little, too late.  Everyone deserves a second chance (and if you live in the US), the country was built on second chances!!!  Very few get it right the first time, but if you get it right the second time, the first time can't be called a failure 😉

     

    • Like 1

    Fwb and the girl?

    in Infidelity

    Posted

    On 4/21/2023 at 5:29 PM, bluecastle said:

    What is the answer you want that you haven't gotten? In a dream world, what would someone here say?

    Ok, I'll bite since OP isn't responding to relevant questions.

    OP, he loves you and will never cheat on you even though he only has eyes for your coworker.  He is so into you that he wants to sleep with your coworker.  He loves you so much that he would kick you to the curb in a millisecond if she said she would drop trou for him.  This does not sound even remotely BF-like, more like FWB, like the title of your post.  I think you are the soon-to-be-ex FWB and she is the soon-to-be-new-FWB, if he gets his wish.

    Srsly, he obvs is not into relationships, he only wants s-e-x so why do you even care what he/she/they is/are up to?  It's him that has the issues.  You are giving him s-e-x but he still wants h-e-r.  How much more information/input/feedback do you need?  Get a real BF not a FWB.

    • Haha 1

    My boyfriend traumatized me very early on in the relationship and I can't seem to forget about it..

    in Relationship Advice

    Posted

    Hi livelovelaugh, sorry you're going through this.  You should not have to dodge, avoid, or protect yourself from unwanted sex acts from someone who is *supposed* to love, respect, and treat you like gold.  He's also a hypocrite with the porn... "do as I say not as I do."

    Your needs and wants should matter most to you, they will never be met and you will not be safe if you stay with this person.  Hugs and best wishes for your freedom from him.

    Fwb and the girl?

    in Infidelity

    Posted

    14 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said:

    Why would a guy never give a straight reply to if he's seeing someone or dating someone to 1 specific girl?  ....Why is he hiding this from her?

    He is dating you but he likes her.  Sorry this is happening to you.  He is keeping his options open with her while dating you (has a cake and trying to eat another too).

    • Like 1
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