Kalika

I would definitely agree with this.

I always thought that one problem with the idea of chastity is that it was historically OK for the men to have sex outside of the relationship, but it wasn't OK for women. It's a double standard that I think still exists today, to a certain extent.

no but i would like to feel appreicated when i put my pickle in her fruit basket......her cheating on me is like spiting in my face....saying i want someone elses pickle in me yours isent cutting it, and in relationship i try to satisfy my girl anyway i can........from surprising her with flowers to ramming my pickle in her throat if shes into that

Obviously, your pickle isn't kosher.

cz im going to put my pickles in a woman that will appreciate it.......

Pickles?? You have more than one?!

becauuuuse...

When you enter into a relationship with another, you both agree not to have sexual relations with anyone but each other. when you have sex with someone else, you are clearly in breach of this unwritten contract. that's why. duh.. it's that simple.

There are, however, couples who are in "open relationships" wherein the partners are allowed to have sex with other people.

why must humans complicate things?!

Because it's fun Why ask why???

And you say I'm being unreal bcause I'm being too insecure, I say YOU'RE the one who's unreal!! because you think it's ok for you to cheat!!

Are you psychotic or just illiterate?? I seriously am wondering what on earth is wrong with you that it drives you to PM me with angry and ridiculous rants, and then dredge up my old threads to misread and blast them. Honestly, I'm not at all surprised that you have the problems you have in your life.

I posted on one of your threads ONCE. And it was respectful, although not what you wanted to hear, and you obviously can't handle that because ever since, you've been harassing me. Yes, you are obviously ridiculously insecure, and that's not the only diagnosis I would give you.

Sydney

I have to say truthfully, I just don't understand where you're coming from at all. He's basically spelling it out for you that he doesn't have any respect for rules or boundaries in general. What on earth has he done to make you think he deserves a second chance??

Is he remorseful? No

Has he gone into counseling? No..

Has he ended his affairs? Who knows? Probably not, I'd wager.

You're putting your life at risk, you could easily contract something that may be curable but could destroy your ability to have children.. or even worse, something that's permanent or even life threatening..

Kanbi,

I had a similar experience with my parents, around the age you are now, and I can totally understand where you're coming from. You're in a difficult position, so I'm going to level with you.

Given the circumstances of what you have seen, I think you need to tell your mother what you saw. It's possible that your father has deleted the video on the computer, if he suspects you saw it. Either way, your mother's health is the most important thing to consider right now. Your mom needs to be checked out by a doctor before she gets physically hurt by this cheating.

She may or may not decide to leave your dad, but if she does, that isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. What your dad did was wrong.

I don't think this is one of those situations where you shouldn't say anything, because in this case, your mother's physical health is at risk. However, it might make a difference whom she hears it from. If she has a good, close friend you can tell, it might be better to discuss this with that person. Someone who will keep it confidential, and can be there for her, adult to adult, to discuss it with her.

And feel free to PM me if you want.

GMW, I'll be quite blunt here, but my intentions are sincere.

 

You seem to equate divorce with failure, so a bad marriage is a success.

Orwellian logic, at least to me.

 

I'm divorced, and my ex and I marvel at what a happy marriage we had, and remain friends to this day. I'd rather look back on a happy marriage than years of misery endured to prove a point about virtue.

 

I suspect you've grown comfy with money, a nice home and family, and are simply afraid. You also feel a flush of pride in not divorcing and joining us immoral wreckage along the marital roadside.

 

You have some heavy changes to make.

Dako made some excellent points.

Good -

Your logic doesn't make any sense to me, honestly. You have absolutely nothing decent to say about your wife, except that "she has the ability to give me a pretty good tumble when she wants to" ... and you sit there and bash divorce like crazy, yet you've managed to justify infidelity to yourself.

If you made vows, you promised to be faithful. So if you're not going to honor your vows of fidelity, than you may as well get divorced too.

So according to your post above, you're going to stay for financial reasons, among others. Which isn't entirely wrong, but do you honestly think your kids don't notice that your marriage is as cold as an arctic winter? I've heard many kids say that their parents divorcing is the best thing that ever happened to them, because they no longer had to deal with parents that were always angry, emotionally exhausted, having affairs, etc.

Nobody wastes their own life but themselves

100% agree.. this isn't her fault. At least this much, you need to own up to.

KIDS and responsibility...

Yes, you do have a responsibility towards your kids, and that involves nurturing them in a safe and healthy environment. Which it doesn't sound like you're doing..

I'm not trying to blame you or anything, but realistically, you can't just sit there and stay, and blame, blame, blame. You have to work at it, if you want it to work. Stop talking to this other woman, and start figuring out how to make it work. Or else, end the relationship. Surely your kids can sense the hostility towards you and your wife. Seriously, what benefits do you think they're getting out of living with both of you in misery?

And you were sticking around just for the sex..???? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but she can be miserable all she wants. What YOU do is completely up to you. If you'll be so happy when you're done with her, then seriousy, get started on those divorce papers. After all the bad things you've said about her, I'm surprised you're even bothering to try to work things out with her.

instead of reaching out and finding ways to improve her condition, she is giving up, and of course, blaming me for it all. for her condition. and thinking it is our lousey marriage that is responsible for her unhappiness. I give her a very long leash, she has her freedom to do, spend and be whatever she wants. another long, dull weekend to look forward to, nothing in my power to make it better. no love of travel, no love of possession and very little appreciation of simple pleasures, like natural beauty, good music, etc., instead she reads story books and watches idiotic tv shows, then wonders why she is not fulfilled?

You seem to have so much disdain for her.. But honestly, you're doing everything you just mentioned above. You seem to blame your lousy marriage completely on her. Her depression, lack of sex drive, her blaming you, pushing you into the arms of another woman, her stupid story books and tv shows.

Seriously, you need to take a look at what you could have possibly done to deserve this. There are always two sides to the story. I seriously doubt that you asserting yourself properly in the relationship (about your kids) would make her retract from you so much.

I think you should sort of sidestep the question at hand.. and just tell your brother that unless and until he gets professional help, there's no reason to ask her for another chance. If he's in treatment and doing better, only then should he consider asking her for another chance if she's still available.

#1 alone gave me reason to think he's untrustworthy. Then I kept reading, and it just got worse.

I think you definitely have reasons to not trust him...

I think you should stop confiding in her. If she asks you why you don't talk to her any more, tell her she really hurt you and you dont trust her any more. Other than that, I'd let it go.. On the grand scheme of things, this isn't the worst thing your mother could have done to you

My mom was there, but she and I have a fairly good relationship. And she's also an OB/GYN, so that was handy too!

If she thinks an "I love you" translates to "I want to marry you and be with you forever," she may not be someone you'd want to date...

I would say it's bordering on cheating... Regardless, it's definitely not appropriate.

Kermit the frog would never do this to his lady..

Seriously though, is it only over because you were dumped? If that's the case, I wouldn't feel too reassured if I were your wife.

Spend the rest of your life with her?? Honey, you're 18. Don't even concern yourself with who you'll be marrying, at this point.

If you don't feel comfortable saying it any more, you should tell her that you may have made a mistake saying it impulsively, and that when you're more comfortable, you'll say it again.

Wow.. I'm sorry that happened to you.. You really are a very nice and caring person. You don't deserve that..

As for that girl that was your good friend.. Apparently, she wasn't!!

Maybe you two should spend a weekend (or time in general) apart..

Quality over quantity might help.

I am hoping that me leaving her will actually teach her a lesson of sorts. Not being cruel, but how is a person going to learn if you let them get away with it? I never cheated on her and she knows it. I told her I don't have anyone to go to when I broke up with her.

 

I think she's had plenty bf's leave her for other women in the past and has just started playing the game.

 

She actually ended up in the hospital after I left - she put herself there got all suicidal. Her parents have said that they've never seen her this bad after a break up. So I must've had an impact.

 

So...perhaps thats the point. When someone cheats you gotta let them go. Then when enough ppl have let them go, the cheater - in the end, gets the point. (maybe)

Honestly, I'm not saying this to demean the impact of you leaving her, but if she would kill herself over it, she has other issues...

You definitely seem to have a lot of deeper problems with this girl than baby talk...

I believe that most people who cheat are likely to do it again, even if it's years inbetween infidelities. However, I truly believe I've met the exception: my son's dad.

When we were dating, I got pregnant, and my hardworking homebody boyfriend suddenly started drinking, partying, and eventually moved out. Then he cheated. I didn't find out til after my son was born, and I left him. I think he realized that he would never again have me back.

He is 180 different than how he used to be. (We are not together, nor did we ever reconcile, but we are friends now). I truly believe that what he did has, in the long run, hurt him much more than it hurt me. I know in my gut that if I ever took him back, he would never do it again. For the last 3 years, he's worked every single day to make amends to me for what he did. He's devastated that he took what he had and basically threw it out the window, breaking our engagement and making our son grow up in separate households.

But since I no longer love him in that way, I will never take him back, even though he's been my best friend/support system going through school with a young child..