Diggler

Thanks for the replies. I needed to be told like that Juha, thanks for the wake up dude.

Bump for any advice. Please guys...

Can anyone offer any advice on what I should do? I realise the last post was very long so to summarize: - We went out twice over the last few days - both group situations - not dates. Although we spent time alone in both situations after others had left. - She told me she was "sort of seeing this guy" during conversation. But that its "not gonna last". She didn't use the word "boyfriend" and theyve been out 6 or 7 times. - She has never mentioned this guy before, not even hinted. - She cancelled on him to stay out with me one of the nights we went out. - She told me she has made an effort to get to know me the last few months and that she is glad she did as it was worth it. - I was going to ask her out but this news stopped me. Although I know for sure she likes spending time with me (I don't know in what terms though) Why didn't she tell me about this guy? By saying "its not gonna last" with this guy - was she presenting herself as still available? Should I still go ahead and ask her out anyways? Your advice would be much appreciated as I'm really unsure as to what I do now. Many Thanks, Diggler.

Heres an update and am hoping for some more advice.... sorry for the long post but please bear with me. I found out the other day that she is seeing someone. It took me by surprise but I wasn't as bothered about it as I would have thought. I guess it does explain the cooling of her interest and totally explains why DiggityDogg said I shouldn't have left it so long to ask her out. Heres the story over the last few days: We went out Thursday after work - another group situation but a few less people than usual. We had a good night and spent a couple of hours alone after everyone else had left and stayed out quite late- this was when she kinda mentioned about this other guy - but didn't definitely say they were seeing each other. We arranged to meet up again on Sunday as we were going to be in the same area with our friends. So on Sunday we met in a bar in the afternoon - she was genuinely glad of this and happy to see me. I was with a friend and she was with two of her friends. My friend left after one drink and her two friends left half an hour later, but she stayed with me so it was just the 2 of us again. We stayed talking for 2 hours after the others had left and we only left because we each had other pre-arranged plans - but she could quite easily have left with her friends much earlier if she wanted to. We talked about all sorts of stuff - but I did make the mistake in engaging in conversation about relationships and past relationships we've each had. It was during this time she actually told me the details about this guy she has being seeing. Her exact words were "I've been sort of seeing this guy". She said this has been for about a month or 2 and that they've been out about 6 or 7 times. This wasn't an out of the blue confession it was in keeping with what we were talking about. But I did get the feeling she was uneasy about telling me and that she was trying to explain or justify it to me- which there was no real need for her to do this. She never used the words "boyfriend" to describe him and she did make the point of telling me that she thinks it isn't going to last. I later found out that she was supposed to have met the guy on Thursday when were out but cancelled on him and stayed out with me. She also told me on Sunday that she has made an effort to get to know me the last few months and that she is glad she made the effort and it was worth it - and she obviously enjoys spending time with me. She said she had a fun night with me on Thursday too. I was going to ask her out until I found out about this guy she is "sort of seeing". But this news stopped me. The questions I have are: Why did she keep this guy a secret from me? She talks openly to me about lots of her non-work friends and activities but never once mentioned this or even hinted. Why did she make a point of saying she didn't expect it to last long? And the main question - should I still ask this girl out and hope she ditches the other guy? I'm very confused as to what she wants out of this relationship she has with me at the moment and I really don't know where I stand with her now. Any advice on the situation would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time. Diggler.

I think this would definitely de-sensitize you to the situation and improve your natural confidence in the long run. If you get a bad reaction from someone - just brush it off as her problem and don't let it get to you.

Thanks for the advice. I know what I have to do now..... I was gonna do it but the fact that she seems to have 'cooled' her interest kinda kicked my confidence in a little - I guess thats why I was seeking some confirmation. Thanks again for the excellent advice and I'll keep you posted on how it develops. Cheers, Diggler.

Good morning (for me anyway), and thanks for the replies. Friscodj, you are right about the things that can't be put into words. There are many of those too... eye contact, etc. You guys are definitely right; I should get some balls and just ask. The things is, around a month/6 weeks ago I was certain she liked me but personal circumstances meant it wasn't the right time to ask her. At this time I am sure she would have said yes. Now, she seems to have cooled off a little bit with the obvious hints, but still shows me attention. This is where I am worrying. I don't know if she has genuinly grown disinterested, whether I've been friend-zoned, or whether she felt that she wasn't getting anywhere so cooled off for her own benefit. (I know I'm over-analyzing again - but I just felt the need to explain). In any other situation, I would have no problem asking someone out - but my fear of rejection is ampified here - because I've found myself liking her too much already, and also the fact its a work colleague and I'd see her everyday - not to mention the fact we are good friends and rejection could possibly ruin this too. I think this is why I was seeking advice from you guys. Any more thoughts would be welcome, but I know the advice so far is right. Thanks again, Diggler.

Hello, I'm new here but have been a long time visitor and have gained lots of advice from the site. But I would really appraciate some advice on a dilema I have at the moment. It's regarding a colleague at work and I'm trying to work out whether she genuinely likes me (and that I should ask her out) or whether she is a serial flirt and playing game with me... The background to this is: This girl is a work colleague. I've known her for 6 months, been good friends 4 months and have been having feelings for her for 2 months. We work in the same building and see each other and chat maybe once every 2 days. We also go out for work's drinks (never alone), but she makes and effort to sit close to me and generally shows me a lot of attention compared to others in the group. I have seen signs that maybe she likes me, but then I've kinda talked myself out of it focusing on things that shows she isn't that interested. Anyway, here's the list of reasons why she may or may not like me, and I would appreciate input as to what you guys think... - She is genuinly interest in my 'out of work' activities and otfen asks about them. - After-work's drinks that she does go to - always makes an effort to sit close to me and is interested in what I have to say - we have lots of conversation and she seem smore interested in talking to me than anyone else. - Complemented me on my clothes, dress sense, and said I smell nice (amonst others) - Has said that she finds a particular trait of mine that we were talking about as 'endearing'. - Touchy-feely with me - but also like this with others - but seems more so with me. These signs began way before I had feelings for her and it seems that since I have been feeling this way her 'forwardness' has cooled. Maybe this is me becoming less of a challenge to her? She does'nt have many friends around the office - so maybe she is using me as an outlet to make herself feel better and get though the day? The questions I have that I am hoping you experts can help me work out are these: Is this girl genuinely interested in dating me or is she a serial flirt who is using me to make herself feel better? How do I tell whether this girl likes me or whether I have offically been friend-zoned? Have I left this too long to ask her out now - considering we've known each other for 6 months? Should I start to make myself more of a challenge and un-interested again? And how do I go about doing this? Any help would be much appreciated as this is really messing with my head as I can;t understand whats going on... Many Thanks, Diggler.