Freedom21

Since I was trying to keep the situation upbeat I didn't bring up a lot of heavy discussion about her ex BF. She didn't dwell on it either but she did say since he was a widower she became very close to his 2 kids and that made leaving much harder. She said he found someone new pretty quickly. When I first met her she mentioned being scared so I was prepared to an extent. At least I thought so. Also knowing this I was surprised she'd want to throw a party for my kids and then play so hard to get right after it that I finally say I've had enough. I think my reaction was a surprise to her since I'd been hanging in there up to that point while it was slowly slipping away. I could feel her testing me? I really think in the beginning it's importatnt not to show all your cards and while I spoke with actions alone it still showed too much of me and it might have been taken for granted. I think the best way to figure something like that out is put yourself in their shoes and imagine it happening to you then you'll see whats going on. It seems like the relationships where your not sure how you feel the girl tries real hard and in this case I really cared and it wound up like this. Go figure? I have a feeling (don't we all) that when the dust settles I might hear back from her but I don't do games like this very well and the attraction is fading fast. I understand uncertainty because I've had my share but when there's plenty of others ready for a relationship and looking for a decent guy, this gets old fast. Time to make some new friends and contact some others I put on hold. I know that sounds shallow and I really cared this time but I haven't been given a choice and I need perspective on this because it hurts. Then there's always the novel option of finding someone else who's easier to deal with.

I've been reading these threads so now it's my turn for advice. I met a girl last summer and we dated through the fall. I know not very long in the big scheme of things but still I liked her a lot. About 3 months. She explained to me how she ended a 3 year relationship about a year ago and only has had a few dates with anyone since. Then I came along and we seem to hit off. In the beginning she explained how she's basically a little scared and I understood the situation or so I thought. I was very good and attentive to her and now I wonder if maybe too attentive but still I was carefull not to over due it and showed I really cared. I gave her space when I felt she was asking for it but at the same time I wanted to see her and be with her. She's always expressed concern for how our kids would react (both divorced) if it didn't work out between us so we did things mostly with just ourselves. Recently she explained after an evening that she feels like I deserve someone who can give back all that I give. She also said she still feels empty inside from the last relationship and she was hoping that would change with me but it's still there. Then she wrote the next am how she was going to miss me and still cared but then kept calling about job interviews, us etc for a few days. After a week went by without me calling she called and wondered why I hadn't called??? She's going through a lot of things, jobs, ex hassles and financial problems but I said that's when friends support one another. Well we threw a big party for my kids this week which was her idea after I stopped calling for a week but then she was going to be busy that weekend (GF stuff). I called her later that night and explained that I was looking for something more. She asked if she could keep calling me and I said I'd prefer she didn't. I said that I really liked her, figured she could tell and that I was pretty disappointed. I said I'd let her be so she could meet someone who could make her happy again. This process had been going on for a few weeks and was on my mind. She's told me she cares very much and that there isn't anyone else. My question is should I have agreed to keep being friends and taking her calls and just being there or stand firm and hope she'll figure out what she wants. I feel like I've done everything right, maybe too right, and maybe I should have been more of a mystery to her. I have to say I was a pretty good BF, patient and always looking out for her, she liked that. I'm not into games but I'm not clueless either. I'm doing NC now since I've found that's the best thing to do. Should I call her up and offer to continue to be her friend to see if things get better or let her miss me and/or forget me? What should I do if she calls? Don't pick up until I hear "I made a mistake" or accept what little bits she's willing to offer to try to keep it going?