sbowman22

I have tried NC and desperately want to try again. But I see her 2 days a week when she picks up my son. Just the sight of her melts my heart. I have tried to rush my son into her car and say bye, but I get so weak. I love my son soo soo much. Every night that he is not with me, I call him to say good night. So thats 3 nights I call him. He is 4, so of course she picks up. The 4 nights he is with me, she calls to talk to him. Some nights she is nice, but some nights I can feel it in her voice like she is saying, "F-Off". NC would be so much easier without a child. Having him and being able to have him 50/50 is worth the pain.

My girlfriend of 8 years moved out of our House 2 months ago. We have a 4 year old son. She is 34 and I am 31. She is a filipina (born in the philippines, I met her here) and I am a white/american. This is our 3rd breakup. 1st time she moved out. Every year for the last 3 years we have had a breakup. The 1st two breakups were mainly due to my lack of helping with our son and my heavy drinking and smoking weed. I quit drinking and smoking weed last year. I am a much better person now. She has always worked 4 nights a week (2-1030PM) and I work days. So 4 days we did not see each other much, but always talked on the phone. After last years breakup she made some new friends. These 2 girlfriends are single and love to dance. So does my ex. She started going out once a month with them to clubs. Usually after her work and stayed out until 2AM. I never liked this. At the end of this last breakup she started going more and more. This became are main argument. I trusted her, having talked to her friends. They all said she danced with the girls, and if a guy tried it was never close. This still made me jealous. So when we did argue it was over this. I also was always tight with our money. We support her family back home and have a house, 2 cars and a son. We do ok, but I have always watched over our money. She always bought too much. She has never liked how I tell her to spend her money, even though she cant balance her money and got us into trouble a few times. So anyways. 3 weeks after breakup, She told me to get out of her life, she wants nothing from me. Dont ask, dont write, nothing, only about our son. That hurt. 10 days later she calls, Sundays when we both have off and she comes over to pick up son, we always seem to go out for the whole day as a family, just like before. But with big boundries. We talk, I dont ever talk about us, or pry to much into her life, even those she does give me info most times. My son and I just got back from an 8 day vacation and the last 3 days we have all been together. 2 of them were to help her decorate her apartment. This is really sick to me, but I do it while just trying to be nice, happy and fun. What is she doing to me. Does she really only want to be friends. She does talk about when her 6 month lease is up, she wants to move upstairs. Does she really think I am hanging around to be friends. When we are together we always laugh and have fun. She made me dinner 2 nights ago and we all watched a movie at her apartment. If this was me ending it, I keep thinking I would completely cut her off. I wouldnt want to hang out or anything. If it was bad enough to break up our family, wouldnt it be bad enough to not want to be around me. Thanks for any input. 80 days and counting, nearly out of my mind.