Thank you so much for your thoughts and input.
In some aspects you are right - I am confused about having to support myself because I really don't know how. I read all kinds of self-help books, money management books, taken classes, and started budgets but never complete them. I rarely (if ever) finish anything I start. I finish the books, but don't follow through with the application of the methods learned.
I wish I could say I have a college degree, but I never finished that either. I do have plans to go back to school in the Spring and I'm hoping that will decrease the motivation problem. When I was in school before (only 10 years ago), I was happier than I've ever been before and then I was a single mom attending school full-time, working part-time, and supporting two kids under 10 so I know I'm capable of doing things right. I was an honor student and loved the commendation I received but then I got involved in an online relationship that never flourished and dropped out to move to another state.
As for getting a better paying job, I have had jobs that have paid a great deal (in Arizona) and ruined those as well. In this town, if you want a higher paying job, you have to be in management or already have had the position for more than five years. There are only two large corporations here and the rest is retail, fast food and mom and pop shops that pay just above minimum wage so my only alternative might be to move. The temp agencies pay better but there are so few jobs and so many people to fill them that the competition is very tough.
I know it sounds like I'm just making a lot of excuses and maybe I am. I will be the first to admit that I'm lazy and don't like having to work to live. I'm not afraid of working though and when I am, I'm hard working. I just can't seem to break this stupid pattern that has haunted me for years. I feel as if I need someone to hold my hand and guide me through life.