signed xxx

Hi, I don't if he's mad at me he doesn't talk to me. He'll say things every now and then in relationthe the girls but that's it. The times that I have talked to him, I have been calm. I used to be a the nagger and I learned that got me no where so I changed the way I talk to him but that hasn't made a difference. Honestly, I'm so tired of talking to him and getting no where. If he wants to make it work he know I'm here and If this doesn't work out at least I have the peace of mind that I believe I've tried everything.

Sorry I haven't replied. I was in the hospital with my little one and we got home last night. I didin't get much support form him during this tough time with my baby girl being sick. The day she got sick we went to the ER, he was at work and met me there. She was admitted and we were there till last night he came to see our daughter but didn't speak a word to me the entire time he was there. He wanted to know what the dr said so instead of asking me he went to the nurses station and asked the nurse. I know this because I was walking my daughter around the floor and I heard him speaking to the nurse. I have to say that he was at work and he came home after work to help my mother with my other daughter then went to the hospital to see our daughter. So i know he was tired and most likely stressed. I just wish he would've talked to me. I didn't try talking to him either, I didn't want to say anyting to get him upset. So I just kept my mouth shut. We got home and here I am today and haven't spoken to him and he hasn't said anything to me. I'm concentrating on my kids and I'm just going to continue to do that. Thanks everyone for the advice.

Beec, I will try tonight and I will let you know what happens. He's almost home and I have to go finish dinner. Have a great night and thanks again.

Beec, I thought by telling him how I felt I was being honest. I felt that if I told him the truth then maybe he can open up to me and tell me how he feels. That didn't happen I didn't do it to get back at him. I have no idea why he's been this way or what triggered it. It's funny you say I'm going into my shell My sign is cancer. You know Beec, I don't know if this falls into giving without wanting back, before things got this bad at the beginning of this mess. I used to always give him oral sex and expect nothing in return because I knoew I wasn't going to get anything. I was ok with that becasue I knew that I was still trying even though he didn't want to. Shortly after that he started saying no to that and pull me back away from him. When he goes to bed he gives me his back about 2 weeks ago I put my arm around him and he took my arm off of him, I turned around and cried myself to sleep. I've asked him do think something is worng with our relationship and about a year ago he would say no i think everything is good and now I get no reply. Maybe he's going through something but I wish he would share so that I can help him through it. I wish I knew what he was feeling because I would love for him to come home and want me. When he gets home I'm always in the kitchen getting dinner ready, I would give anything for him to come in and grab me, kiss me and be happy to see me. When we go to bed tonight I will talk to him and do what you said. Hopefully, tongiht can be a new night, a new change for us. Beec, thank you so much for all your input! you have no idea how much I appreciate it. I have no one to talk to. I have my mom and sibilings but my sister has a huge mouth and I have never been able to please my mother in anything I do. So I don't dare talk to them about something so personal. So again, I really appreciate all your input.

Hardcharger, My girls are everything to me. I have even asked my husband not to leave we can live as roommates for the sake of my daughters. If he finds someone to make him happy then we can sell our home and buy a two family house so that we can still live in the same house just so that my girls won't suffer. A long time ago he told me that he'll stick by me no matter what because he doesn't want to lose his girls. I was hurt by that statement but I assured him that he would never lose his girls. They are very attached to him and I would hate for them to miss him or go to bed knowing that their dad isn't here. Like I said before those girls are what have stopped me from leaving him. I could've walked out a long time ago but I feel for my babies. We've been married for 5 years but dated and lived together for 11 years before we got married (total of 16 years together). As far as being compatable we were so young when we got together that we have a lot of the same interests. In these 16 years the only time I was unfaithful was that 1 kiss with my ex. and I wrote before that I told him I wasn't going to talk to him or see him because I needed to fix this mess with my marriage. As far him being unfaithful he was the first year we started dating and he was with her for a year and half but we were kids and I have put that behind us. I have no idea if he has someone now. I'm an easy going wife, he goes out with the guys to clubs and bar hopping, he's gone away for weekends to miami. I don't feel like he's cheating, I don't go through his things lilek his wallet, email, cell phone. I have never checked anything so is it possible sure but I don't know.

Beec, I do watch greys anatomy. I'm into those shows I'm a funeral director in training. I have told him how I feel so many times, do you think that if I say it again it will make a difference? I always tell him how I feel be it good or bad. I have never held back how I feel from him. He knows how I feel. I have tried to kiss him and he turns his face on me, that hurts like hell and I don't want to hurt like that. I'm afraid to be rejected again and I know I'm going to get upset and what if it makes things worse in how I feel. I love him, I don't want anything to happen to him. On Sunday he got a bad migraine and got really dizzy to the point where he couldn't walk straight. I got scared and took him the the ER, thanksfully he only had an ear infection. So I care about him but I don't FEEL anything. Maybe because he hasn't touched me in so long. I don't know. You have no idea how scared I am of being rejected. It's like a slap in the face.

Beec, You are good!! You are right that I don't feel loved, I don't feel needed, I don't feel like he wants me anymore. I have been rejected so many times, I hate the feeling of being rejected and I don't want to go through it anymore. I'm scared to let my guard down again. I love him I just don't feel in love with him. If that makes any sense. So just let it be then? What else can I say?

Camber, It sucks we're going through this!! I'm sorry you feel it might be too late for your marriage. I'm afraid to get to your point, when he realizes what's been going on it's going to be too late. There is only so much hurt, rejection, and embarrassment one can take. I thought telling him that my love for him has deminshed would be a BAM for him like it was for you, but Like I said I didn't get much back. good Luck!!

Hardcharger, You are right about there being a lot to think about being that there are kids involved. I feel like I deserve to be happy but I also feel selfish. Is it fair to my kids that I'm going to break up the "happy" home they know because I need to be happy? At the same time if this is what's going on now I can only imagine what our life is going to be like in 5 years. So the thought of living another 30-50 years like this is unbearable. Should I end my relationship now that my kids are young (2 1/2 & 4) or should I continue to work at it hoping that he will change and what if he doesn't then I will end it in 5 years when my girls are 7 & 9. I know that it sounds negative thinking he's not going to change but like I said before this has been ongoing for 2 years and he hasn't changed yet. This is so hard!!!

Annie24 I suggested counseling a year ago and he said no he doens't want to tell his problems to someone he doesn't know. I have tried the massages, edible underwear, crotchless underwear, toys, videos, candles, bubble baths, rose petals on the bed, edible body paint, whip cream, I have gone from romantic to raunchy using leather and handcuffs, I have worn sports jersey's with nothing underneath. I had gained weight with my second pregnancy I was the biggest I have ever been at 170 lbs once the baby was born I went down to 158 lbs. I have worked my butt off to lose weight and be in shape. I went from a size 10 to now being 123lbs. and a size 2. I didn't have any stretch marks from the pregnancy (thank god). I'm now in the best shape ever. So I feel like I have tried everything, I don't know what else to do.

These past few days have been rough because we have barely looked at each other. We sleep in the same bed but it's like we're alone. In these days I have come to realize that I really don't feel anything anymore. I have felt it before but I wasn't sure. I have been blaming him for the way I am feeling. Last night I built up enough courage to let him know how I feel. After our girls went to bed (we don't argue or discuss our problems in front of our girls) I told him that we needed to talk, I told him that I was going to say things that were going to hurt but I needed to be honest, so I told him that the love I had for him has deminished and that we need to do something together to make it work or we should just separate for a while to see what happens. I told him that if he decides to separate I don't want him to leave maybe we can live together as room mates for the sake of the girls. He got mad when I told him and he said I'll just sleep in the living room and this is done. I said please don't leave let's talk about this to see what we can do, after begging him to stay he did and I continued to tell him that I was sorry and that I never thought I would feel this way but after not feeling any love and affection for so long I think what I felt for you slowly went away. He said I don't know what we are supposed to do with this, and I said I don't either but I had to tell you how I was feeling. He didn't say anythign else and I don't know what he's thinking. I feel like now what? I haven't spoken to my ex and I have no intention on talking to him or seeing him. I told him that I need to work this out. Did I do the right thing in being honest? Should I try talking to him again since he didn't say much last night or should I just let it be? Should I reiterate that I think we need to separate for a while? I'm so confused. I'll hear out anything you can give me. Thanks.

Hey everyone especially Beec, Sorry if I sounded frustrated I really was that day and I apologize. It's been rough these couple of days. I know not everything is his fault and it sounds like all this mess we have going on I'm blaming him, I'm not I know that I'm not the easiest person to live with but for all the years we have been together I have always been the same. He has changed and I have no idea why. He won't talk to me. It's not only sex, there is no communication what so ever. I still don't know what to do. Thanks for the advice. I'll keep cheking in and I'll check the other postings.

Beec, I have stopped asking him to sleep with me, I have also stopped trying to initiate it. I stopped that a long time ago. I work full time and I go to school full time aside from running my home and taking care of my 2 kids. So I am very busy and I love my husband and just want to enjoy his company. I'm not saying we have to have sex everynight but I have needs as well and in 2 years when you maybe get it once a month when it that was never the case, I think I have given him enough time and I have talked to him enough to change. I have asked him to please talk to me and let me know if something is bothering him or if there is something I can do to change. Maybe there is something you don't like about me. Beec I'm willing to chagne whatever I have to, to make my marriage work but I think he needs to put some effort into this as well. Don't you think? Thanks

hosswhispra, I asked him if he was having an affair and he denied it. As far as being gay now a days anything can happen but I don't think so.

Beec I talked to them to get their input as to what can I do to spice up my sex life, as far as the sex toy party he agreed to it. I wouldn't put him in an uncomfortable situation or have the party without his knowledge. He had friends who came along with their spouses who attended the party. He was into it, but behind closed doors it's a different story. All I'm saying is I've tried everything. It's not like I'm complaining and not doing anything to try to make it work. As far as talking he used to talked to me all the time about his day and a lot of other things in general. He used to communicate and tell me when something bothered him or when he accomplished something and he was proud of it. Again, it's not like I'm complaining because he has always been this way and now all of a sudden it's bothering me. He used to talk and we used to have a great sex life. Like I said b4 about 2 years ago all that changed and I don't know why. So should I contiue to live this way or should I tell me that we need a break?

thanks for taking the time to reply. Love is so hard and confusing.

Beec, Thanks for your input, I know that he loves me but I don't think he's in love with me. I have tried so many things to get him "in the mood" you name it I've done it. I have talked to male friends, I had a sex toy party, talked to female friends. The one fine day I get I have a headache then the next excuse was the tickling stuff. It's not only the sex, there is absolutely no commnuication. I'll ask how was work today and he says busy, or I'll ask what do you want to do this weekend and he says whatever. Now after 2 years and trying everything to get him to sleep with me and talk to me, I don't know what else to do I feel like it's never going to change and I think I'm young I can't imagine the rest of my life like this. I feel like he's more of a roomate than a husband. I'm a liberal wife, he goes out with his buddies to bars and clubs on the weekends, he goes to dinners and parties with his co-workers, he plays softball on Sundays, and I never tell him no or give him a hard time about it. I go out every other Friday with my girlfriends for dinner and a few drinks. He's a great father, I have no complaints in that department but when it comes to being a partner he's not there not even 50%.

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this but I joined because I really need some advice. I have been married for 5 years but dated my husband for 11 before we got married, we were young when we got together I was 17 and he was 19. Anyway, we have 2 kids. For the past 2 years of our relationship we have had a lot of problems. My husband has become distant we no longer have any communication in our relationship and our sex life is dead!! When he leaves in the morning for work I get a kiss on the forehead and when he comes home from work I get a tap kiss on the lips and that's it till the next morning where I again get another kiss on the forehead. I have tried to start things up in the bedroom but he rejects me by telling me not tonight I have a headache, that tickles now you can't touch me because whatever you do tickles, or he just lays there snoring. I have tried to wear sexy clothing to wearing nothing to bed and still nothing changes. I have gotten to the point where I was sick and tired of being rejected and stopped trying. I'm the type of person that if I feel something I let you know I can't keep it to myself. So I have talked to him many, many times and nothing changes. I do all the talking and he doesn't reply, but aside from our sex life, we have no communication. I have sat down and said this is what's bothering and it hurts when you reject me or when you don't talk to me. He says sorry I'll change and he does for a few days to a week and then we're back to the same thing. Well it's now been 2 years of the same thing and I'm so tired of it. I have threatened divorce but he cries and apologizes and I say ok one more chance. He improves for a week then we fall into the same rut. I wait 2 weeks to see if he notices that things are back to being miserable but he doesn't notice and I end up repeating the same things over and over. Well about 3 weeks ago I contacted my ex-boyfriend, we remained friends and talk from time to time. My husband has no idea because even though he has never met my ex he hates him. We started just talking on the phone and I find out that he works bartending at a restaurant, so I went to see him and gave him a ride home that night, when I got him home we kissed goodnight. Now I know that I am wrong but for those few minutes he gave me a passionate kiss that I haven't had/felt in years. Since then we have continued to talk and we find out that we are still in love with each other. He and I were dating for 5 years before I met my husband. I started out very young. My ex knows how unhappy I am and he tells me to try and work it out with my husband being that we have 2 children. Honestly, that's the only thing that is holding me back from leaving him. I have fallen out of love with my husband and I don't want to be selfish and leave. Not only do we as adults suffer but my kids will suffer as well. Last night my husband caught me texting on my cell phone and he asked me who was I texting and I lied and told him that I was texting him when I was texting my ex. Today he called me and told me that he thinks I'm cheating on him and he doesn't want to lose me, I went through the whole explaining again of how unhappy and miserable I am and he again promised to change. Now what should I do? Give him another chance for the 15th time? or should I just tell him we should separate for a while in hopes that he realizes what he has. My ex is just there for me to talk to I have no intention on seeing him again because I don't want to be unfaithful, I'd rather tell my husband before anything happens. I don't want to hurt him in that way. Any advice anyone can give would be helpful. PLEASE, PLEASE HELP!!!! Thanks