gotaluvme

I have been used and it hurts !!! It hurts so much words can't express how much. I would always ask him why does he stay with and if when things get great for him will he leave me and he said if he wanted to leave he would have been left and sometimes he can't stand my ways especially when we argue and he said they are times he just can't stand to be with out me. He also would tell me when I said that he is trying to use me and he would say What do you have you are not a millionaire? you don't give me nothing( obviosly not anymore not after all he has done) , you don't take care of me so how could I be using you ? Which always led me to think and then I would start to believe that he really does love me. I don't know I am very hurt and confuse and I appreciate you guys giving me feedback and advice , I thank you all so much and do please feel free to add as I will keep this thread up to date with the latest.

I been in a relationship with this man for 6 years when we met he lied about his age because I was two years older than him, which I didn't find out until 2 ½ years later when I went to JA to meet his parents because I was 2 months pregnant with our child. Throughout my pregnancy was pure hell with us, I wondered why he didn't want to marry me and finally he told me because he was married to someone else for his papers which he never got , (we got married November of that next year after he got a divorce) then I wanted to know why wouldn't he move in and he said it was because the apartment I was living in at the time was too small, So I went out when I was 8 months pregnant and found a bigger apartment paying $1220 rent a month , which was a huge jump from Paying $500 a month Once I moved in he brought a couple of clothes to appease me after I again questioned why won't he move in , I was fine with it for about a year after I had my son and then the issues arose again he was barely paying his $500 part of the rent and his half of the b-sitter fee with was $200 a month so I had to pick up all of the slack for me and the 2 kids ( Sorry if I didn't mention earlier but I have a son from a previous relationship who is now 13Yrs old) I found myself losing my car and things being very hard to survive everything for me went down hill a few months later he told me that he had another son who was a couple of months older than our son , I was devastated apparently he helped a girl he was dating in Jamaica before he came to the US get to the US and they had a relationship going on the same time me and him were involved I was CRUSHED, he was distant to me for 4months he wouldn't stay the night nothing! I begged him to not leave me and be with her! And nevertheless like an * * * I accepted him when he decided to come back to me. I had totally lost my mind! Through all of this we still weren't living together I don't know where he lives but I am 100% sure he doesn't live with a woman because he would stay the night at my house at least 6 days out of a week. After a couple of months things starting to get bad again we would argue, break up and make up this went on for at least 7 months , because it was so hard for me to trust him because when he wasn't with me I thought he was with his other son's mother, I would always ask him and he told me that they don't live here anymore , so I left it alone but every time he went out of town I felt it was to see her, even though he would say it's for business. Also keep in mind I pay all the rent, gas a utilities on my own all he pays is our son's school fee which is $125 a month and now he is having a problem paying that & I have allowed him over the years to have a key to my home and keep some of his convenient clothes at my house, other words we were playing house and that was good enough for him. On January2, 2006 I was off from work, (mind you I didn't see him all the weekend I didn't even get to bring in the new year with him all he did was leave this sorry * * * message on my phone because he couldn't get through talking about happy new year I'll see you soon, well I didn't nor did he call). Soooooo On January 2nd I was off from work and decided to go to the mall and who do I see him his son's mother and his son!! WOW what a smack in the Face! I asked him what he was doing and he told me to relax and that they came up and he wanted to buy his son something before they left and a blah, blah blah I told him to give them cab fare and let's go, he did and we left, we starting to fight when leaving the mall so he didn't go home with me he called me and he apologized and tried to explain and come up with fifty millions lies that I fell for. Once again I let him back in. I told him this was it he had to fully commit and move in and change his ways or it was over needless to say he didn't move in, but he would come every night to the week and brought a little more clothes to put in the closet over the years I would say he had a total of 6 outfits = (2 casual 4 Party clothes which he just didn't bother taking home the next day after we went out and partied) He didn't come to my house on the weekend of April 7th , I had enough !! so when I Saw him that following Monday I asked him for my house keys and I told him that he doesn't need them he has a home, after that he didn't come over for a week then he called me and asked me for one of his suits he had at my house and I told him I would pack up all of his clothing because being that he doesn't live with me and doesn't have access to my home anytime he wants I felt he should have all of his clothes at his house , so I packed them all up and put them in my car so when he met me to borrow my car they were in the trunk , so since April 7th he hasn't stayed one night at my house. I spoke to him on the phone today and asked him what was going on with us and he said I should know all of the answers because I'm the one who seems like I know it all because I packed up his clothes so I said to him what does one thing have to do with another so you don't come around anymore because I took away your little comfort of having your cake and eating it too , I told him I can't take it anymore and he has to commit I don't know what kind of marriage we have we don't live together I don't know where he lives I cant get in contact with him when I want to , I always have to call one of his friends , I told him that I am tired and that he either has to shape up and commit or it's over. He told me he can't move in until he is steady on his feet just in case I kick him to curb or throw him out , and he can't take that chance because he has seen it happen a lot, so I said forget it because everything in life is a chance and you should do it because you want to do it and if you really wanted to do it you would have done it years back , he sat very quite on the phone and just listen as I just told him how I felt like he has feeling for me but feels like I am not the one he really want to be with , then I had another call that I had to take so he said he would talk to me later or something and I said ok , and that was it. I feel like a loser!!! I am a well grounded person , I have good job, personality, good qualities and a great mom , & friend , I'm very family oriented and I have a lot morals and values , Maybe I'm just a little too good . Man, I think about how I use to treat this man my car that I lost was a BMW and I would just give to him whenever he wanted it, Every trip we went on I paid for, I use to buy him clothes, shoes jewelry everything and I'm talking about quality nothing but the best, I never asked for anything I would try to be perfect for him the wife outside and the * * * * * or hoe in the bedroom always wanted to keep him pleased, What Is really WRONG ?