StrangeGuy

I've actually been in the same situation as yourself. I was not only upset with my life but also all of the general evil acts that are happening in the world. I felt like I could not enjoy myself if other people were suffering or starving in some part of the world, it made me feel guilty. But, I came accross a quote a few months back that really helped me and changed my world view. Your thoughts determine who you are and what kind of life you're going to live. If you want something to change then your thoughts have to reflect that change.

I will try and contact a therapist outside of my college. I don't want anyone at my college to know that I have problems. It's mainly my mom. My dad was rarely home when I was growing up, and when he was he would just goes along with whatever she said. She is very domineering. I used to believe everything she told me, because I figured she had my best interests at heart. But lookin back, now I think that she just wanted and still wants to control my life and have me live it the way she wants me to. In high school I wanted to play on the football team, but she kept telling me it was a bad idea because I would get injured and become paralyzed. She also told me that I would never get anywhere with sports, and that I should just focus on my education, until I was convinced she was right. About the only thing I have right now are my hopes for a better future, and she is already trying to plan out what I will do after college.

The problem with therapy is that I can't talk about my problems openly. Which is why I posted my thoughts here, where no one will know who I really am. I feel like if I reveal my problems to a therapist, that the therapist will be secretly mocking me. I put on a tough face on the outside and pretend like it doesn't bother me but inside I'm a very lonely person. And yes, you are right that the problem does extend to other areas of my life. I'm afraid to take big risks. My parents always made me feel like the world is out to get me. My mom even calls every week or so to remind me of all the things I shouldn't be doing. She even tells me not to go over to any of my friends house, because she thinks they will kill me or something. It might sound crazy to you guys, but I believed, and still believe a lot of the things they said to me. I'm a shell of a man. I pretend to be a man on the outside, but the truth I feel like I'm still trapped in my teenage years, as far as my maturity and emotions go. When my college friends talk about their girlfriends/boyfriends, and other topics that relate to that such as dating, clubbing, etc. I always stay quiet so they don't try to ask me about my non-existant love life, and the fact that the only place I go besides school and work, is the laundromat. I wish there was some kind of online therapist that I could speak to without revealing my identity.

The problem is that when I do like a girl, they think I'm a total jerk. An incident comes to mind when once I was in a Chemistry lab, when I went to go speak to the TA. And, the only girl I liked in the lab said hey to me as I was walking by. She also said something else like "hey your tall". Anyways, rather than do the normal thing and talk to her, I just keep on walking and don't even look at her, like she doesn't exist. Needless to say, she hasn't talked or looked at me since. I feel like an idiot. If I don't like a girl I can carry on a pefectly normal conversation and even playfully joke. But when I do like a girl, it's like my brain and my body think on their own and always do the wrong thing. It's almost as if some part of me want to remain alone forever.

I'm glad I finally found this site, because atleast now I feel like I'm not alone. I've been struggling for years now to get over my problem. I'm in my third year of college and I'm still a virgin. I've never been on a date, or kissed a girl. The problem isn't that I can't attract women, but rather the problem is me. I've been told that I'm a handsome guy, and girls flirt with me a lot. However, the thought of even being with a girl makes me physically ill. I guess it stems from my childhood. I grew up in a religious community and my parents always told me not to get involved with any women before marriage. And, to keep me from it my mom would check up on me in school and also go through my things. If I had a female friend she would forbid me from meeting with them in private or outside of school. Girls in high school who liked me, wondered why I acted so weird. They thought I was shy, and tried to get me to open up. The truth was that I communicate perfectly fine with girls who I'm not interested in. However, if I like a girl, I cannot stand talking to her or being near her. I get a sick feeling in the bottom of my stomache, and I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. I think this has to do with the psycological problems I have from my upbringing. Even though I'm hundreds of miles away from my parents now that I'm in college, I still cannot be near a girl that I like. I feel like my parents crippled me emotionally, and I wish I could be normal like the other people I see around me.