phar.lepht

Oh and another quick update. She went back to her old job and asked for more money and better hours (i am assuming for the good of the kid) and looks like she will be starting back to work fulltime in August. That takes much financial load off. I'm not sure how I feel about daycare this early in the game now either though...

Syrix - you are right and I agree with pretty much everything you said. I am angry because I have so much responsibility that I didn't ask for but I am thinking I should try and mature and make the best of it because the bad thoughts and feelings aren't really doing anyone good. I rememeber when I was married I truly believed that "Family is what it's all about". The true meaning of life. To create, be part of, love, honor and cherish family and so we go through life believing in these values and that's what makes us. That's our identity. Our family. Then as "divorce" becomes more imminent and especially after "divorce" we start to question all those ideas we had about the american dream and family and yadda yadda yadda it becomes a negative feeling or a negative idea and there lies the rub... I think I'm still bitter about the divorce and it's funny that only in the bad times do I want to run. When it's good, it's really good but when it's bad. the first thing I think about is running. I'm like a trapped cat. Everyone just wants to hold me but the more I get closed in the more I want to make a bee line for the yard.

Yep the baby is almost 3 months old. I gave her a year to get back to work and hopefully get back in shape. We haven't discussed how things will be when she goes back but hopefully we will be able to find suitable day care or a really good babysitter=) The baby could give you feelings of wanting to run away, sure, but I don't think it's the baby. I have already told her if we break up she can't leave town and it would suit me fine to keep the baby myself if she felt she wanted to do that.

I have been thinking about counseling actually for myself to get to the bottom of these feelings and to keep myself from making an irrational decision either way. I have talked to friends about the facts and it's always the same - The guys say "Do what makes you happy and you will never be wrong" ...which makes me crazy because the situation is infinitely complex and so much more about other peoples happiness and mine is in a way ...second - The girls say "Give her a chance - she loves you". I get that too. The problem I have with that is that she didn't give me a chance to get to know her and see for myself whether my eternal love was destined to be hers without manipulating my hand. There's no one in particular that I would rather be with than her and after this huge lesson I am very cautious about giving over to anyone in the future. I know not all women are manipulative so I don't mean to offend anyone. She does plan to go back to work in the future. Right now we are doing OK. We are renting a house and things are great moneywise. She often lets me know that "the house on blah blah street is for sale, wouldn't it be great if we had another bedroom? and in my head I can only keep thinking. Yeah ok only when you go back to work and bring home some bacon will your interest be valid in that house - it seems weird for her to be pushing me towards big purchases - am I wrong? She is probably just thinking that we will be together forever so what's wrong with a nudge towards an SUV but it makes me cringe to get any deeper until I can work these things out but if I tell her it will hurt her feelings I'm sure --- that is if her heart is in the right place.

She said she was on birth control pills and I saw them around sometimes so I am not sure but I suspect, yes, that she got pregnant on purpose. She says she was just fertile. This would have been her third abortion and she didn't want to go through with that again. Along with both our beliefs about abortion it was a no brainer. I tell her I love her everyday. I am not sure if I am just saying it because I am trying to make myself believe it or because I am afraid if she catches on that I want to leave she will be devastated. All's I know is that when I search my heart I can't see her in it anymore. I want to respect her and admire her and think of her with a great big lump in my throat but if I was trapped how do I get past it. I know it' sad but that's why I'm here. How do I leave? How do I stay?

Hi All, Well it is a year and four months since I started dating my girlfriend. I met her right after I was divorced from an 11yr marriage and was looking for something to fill that void. When I first met my girlfriend we fell in love and even talked about having kids. After four months of dating she told me she's pregnant. Neither of us believe in abortion and she told me she wanted to have that "special connection" with me, so we keep the baby. We now live together, she has a son (10) from a previous relationship and I have one as well who is (15) so we just basically started an instant family and added a baby. Don't get me wrong I love the baby and I love having the family unit. It is very comforting, but the girl. Sometimes I feel resentment towards her for pushing me into this relationship that I really didn't choose. It seems like she is taking advantage of me now since she can't work. I am now the daddy of her kids and sole provider for all of us. Sometimes I want to run away. Sometimes I wonder if it's better to be happy than noble. Sometimes I wonder if I should stay and see it through for the kids. We're not married yet and I am finding it harder and harder each day to find the will to make that commitment. Any advice or thoughts or comments? Thanks, Mike in San DIego