verus

Thank you Mystik, you are right. I have to be stronger and start moving forward. I cannot let him do this to me anymore.

Thank you for your replies Robowarrior, I understand where you're coming from, I do need bring more positive people into my life. I've never had this problem before, I use to be able to spot the negativity miles away and avoid it. Now, I can't tell anymore. People who I was positive were safe seem to be the ones who have caused me the most pain. I've cut them out completely but they have no interest in coming back, so it's easy. My ex, on the other hand, will push more to be in my life the more I pull away. The more I bring him into my life the more he doesn't want to be there. I could manage being friends with him, but he's not being a friend. He's playing some twisted game and because he's doing it in a 'nice' way I have a hard time confronting him on it. It's like he stabs me in the back but is there to treat the wound. I don't know how I've let this go on...I guess I have to put up that wall and not let him back in.

Hi, I am new to this site and must say you all seem very supportive and respect one another. Hopefully I can offer some advice and encouragement in the future, right now however I need some advice the cannot come from family and friends. My relationship of 6 years ended last August, we lived together for most of the six years and really just grew up together. We agreed in the end we would respect each other and try to build the friendship that was lost. Not to say it wasn't hard, I went through all the stages of loss over and over again. We stayed in contact; he seemed to be moving forward more quickly than I but was there to support me when I needed it. Sounds like the perfect scenario for a breakup if there ever was one. Almost too good to be true… I only started moving on this past November. I signify it with getting a great new job, meeting new people, expanding interests and surprisingly having a few great dates. In this time my ex starts coming around more, being more helpful and paying me a lot of attention. He wanted to spend time doing things we use to do as a couple. Eventually it came to the point where he made the suggestion of seeing each other again. Taking it slow and building the relationship again. I was very leery of this, he is a man who goes through phases, and he'll really believe he wants something and put his heart into it but the next day it's insignificant. I let him know how I was feeling and maybe he was just lonely. You should have heard the things he was saying and was acting exactly like I longing for in our last year together. Eventually I agreed to try again; we stayed away from any heavy relationship issues and just had fun together. Within 3 weeks of my acceptance he decided it wasn't what he wanted and took off with another girl on a trip. It might sound crazy but this hurt more than the initial break-up, it's like at that point I just gave up. I worked so hard to stay strong and not indulge in my hurt the first time that I don't have the strength to do it again. I've lost my job, broke relationships and isolated myself. Yet I still cannot get angry enough with him to let him go. He'll call and want to come over and I let it happen, we'll play house for an evening and he goes. It's like he needs the comfort of being with me, does not want the commitment and doesn't want to see me with anyone else. The only thing I can be sure about is I wouldn't take him back again. I just put a smile on my face and play along because at least for that night I'm not lonely. My self esteem has dropped to below nothing. In the last little while I've let other men into my life who have used me and tossed me…I never thought I'd be in that position. Maybe I am a little naïve to the dating world and my judgment has decided It need some time off. I don't know what to do; I'm not crying I'm not letting myself feel anything. I'm embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. I've all but stopped eating, I don't sleep or I sleep too much, I've lost my apartment, my job. I can see and rationalize the problem but I can't visualize fixing it. I think the first step might be cutting my ex out of the equation completely. He's very manipulative and knows how to get what he needs from me. I want to believe he's just trying to be a 'good friend'. I think it would be harder to really accept I'm being used.