Rayana

Peanut i understand you re hurting, and i really hope you work things out.

I took him back after he divorced because i love him. That is the only reason. I never wanted to end up in this complicated situation but i did. And i will make the best of this situation simly because i love him.

If his ex wife is still hurting two years after the divorce, theres little i can or want to do. She has to sort out her own issues. She is not entirely blameless. I do sympathise with her, but its come to the point when im just sick and tired of fighting and harboring negative energy with her.

Im sure with more time she will eventually start dating and move on, she just a little too slow for me...

[quote name="DN

I have no doubt that Rayana is telling the truth and cannot see why anything she did is out of line. She dumped the guy when she found out he was married and only took him back after he was divorced. What was wrong with her actions?[/quote]

Thank you DN!

So Rayana,

 

What exactly is the story about how you met your bf?

 

How did that play out? How old was the baby when this all came about?

I met him in 'leaders in the arab world' confrence three years ago. We got along great and started a relationship. 6 weeks later i found out he was married and his wife 7 1/2 months pregs. So i left him and took him back when he divorced her, the baby was 1 month old when the divorce was finalized (divorce is very quick in the Islam and you cannot divorce a pregnant woman). I mentioned all this before.

She insists that i never left him when i found out that he was married and stayed with him despite knowing all this, which is no where near the truth. Its no use trying to explain anything to her, shes to busy putting the blame on me to even try and understand what she did wrong to make her then husband so desperate to get out of that marriage.

[quote="peanut15I am not being out of line! I was cheated on by my husband with someone like you and she DID threaten me! I dont' appreciate you trying to be the martyr because you are NOT! What's important is that the child be taken care of and honestly, you are NO FIT to be his mother ever!

You better be careful with your words. YOU have NO right to threaten his ex!

I never threatened that woman, she threatened me!!! Why cant you undertsnad this? I dont WANT to be the childs mother. I feel like im repeating myself a hundred times with you. Please stop replying to this post you replys offend me.

Do a search before you spread misinformation, rayana. It is possible without intercourse.

Yes, just like the virgin Mary.

Here are two examples of emails she sent me two years ago, these are two of the first, one sob story the other threat:

Sob story:

I have thought long and hard over the past few months since the birth of my son and my divorce about what I would like to say to you. Although, I certainly wouldn't want to cause the type of damage that you have caused to my son and I. I hope you realise that you are responsible for breaking up my family and for causing me more pain than I thought was possible. You knew that T was married and that I was pregnant and still you persued him, talking to him on the phone and meeting him in car parks with absolutely no regard to the other people involved.

I know that you are a young girl and perhaps you thought that what you were doing was right and somehow, acceptable behaviour. Sadly, it wasn't. My son will grow up without his father and I have lost my husband. I do hope that you will think carefully before you start another sexual relationship with a married man.

Threat:

I want my husband back, you **** I dont believe that you didnt know he was married for a second. You knew everything and still continued with the affair. How can you live with yourself? Im going to expose you to the entire town. Im going to write a letter to the papers telling them about what you have done to me and my son. Dont even thin of crossing my path, or i swear i will kill you with my bare hands, you witch!! ...

What sort of things is she saying to you in these emails? Does she send similar ones to your bf?

 

Maybe you could take these to a lawyer and get a competency hearing, see if your bf could get custody of their son.

Her emails varies from sob stories to threats, depending on her mood. I would say 75% are threats and 25% sob stories which. I dont know why she is such an attention seeker.

My BF doesnt want custody of his son. Its in the boys best intrest to be with his mother. All he wants is visitation rights.

Thanks for the advice miracle. I have never thretened her not verbally or by email nor do i intend on doing. She on the other hand has sent me email after email which i haved saved under a folder in my inbox.

She actually called up my BF a few days ago to tell him that their son was asking about him. When my BF asked to see him she made an excuse. She then said that she is leaving the country for good! Excellent news althoguh im sure it will never materialize.

If you havent had intercourse, there is no way she can be pregnant. My guess is that she is seeking attention, and is pretending her period is late.

Ok, ill try it in the future. I hope it works. I just want her to dissappear!

Thanks for you advice

Unfortunately I would not go the restraining order route because I assume you live with your fiance and that would give her ample reasons not to bring their son to see him.

 

!

No i do not live with him, she really has no excuse. Shes still upset for being dumped. I hate this owman with a passion and resent the $1000 a month he pays for child support which goes on the whores hair extensions instead. Then she comes crying for more money... stupid, fat assed, waste of space.

OK I TWO YEARS...i really wish you could have included that in the first post because I think that would have saved you a multitude of reaming.

Now this is a totally diff story. Two years means she needs to let it go. Now i can see why you are very adgitated with this and you should be. I don't know what i can advise to you, but I do know that this is rediculous and she needs to get a grip. The child is old enough now to actually know a bit more and is getting caught in between this.

 

I have to think about this one for a few then I'll try to get back to this post and respond with better info...'

TWO YEARS!!! That changes things quite a bit.

Sorry i thought i mentioned it. She constantly uses her son as a way to harass and blackmail my BF. She wont let him see his own son unless she is in the room. She even had the nerve to call him two months ago and ask him if theres still a chance they can get back together!!!! I have never met a woman who doesnt have an once of pride before.

Thanks, i look forward to your advice!

See a dertatologist and tell her to put you on a dose of raoaccutine.

Thank you for all your posts. I just want to point out that this happened two years ago and she is no longer on her own with a newborn but a two year old. After two years of divorce she is still upset and angry and harassing me. If it were for a few months i could understand somewhat... but two years????

Hope and DN you re both absolutly right. I appreciate your comments. Its just sometimes i get sick and tired for being held solely responible for what happened. I think peanut15 is being too judgemental, and out of line.

Yes i just read you thread about your husband having an affair, no wonder you are so upset. Im glad you can symathise with that witch. I never said anything about being that childs other mother. To be quite honest i have nothing to do with him and hope to keep it that way.

I have never made death threats to her personally. I can wish whatever i want in my head. You should reread my posts and you will realize that i did leave him when i found out he was married. And got back with him when he divorced. Her problems are not mine, if she is in pain, i am not.

Im sorry your husband cheated on you and you are in pain, but you have no right to take it out on me. You know nothing about the situation.

Currently, the ex wife is seeing someone else and is finding happiness again. Moving on can be a good thing (you should take that into account). If one partner in a marriage is not happy it can never work out!

Why did you forgive him after his affair? Many woman have husbands who cheat on them and still go on to have happy marriages. Its a bad phase. This would depend on whether its a regualr thing or a one off. If its a one off then i guess he could be forgiven, mistakes happen. But a serial cheat should be disposed off asap.

I can only imagine what you re going through with his female friends, and like you i would be concerened. Seeing that you have already spoken to your husband about this, it is clear that he does not take your feelings into account.

Why are you still in this marriage?

(not that i would have minded if she died)

 

I'm sorry but I have a SERIOUS problem with your statement! The woman obviously hurts terribly because your fiance left her with a newborn. How would you feel if that were you? The same way probably.

Of course you have a serious problem with this statement , what do you know. You havent been through what i have been through. You dont even know the whole story.

I really couldnt care less what she feels, she should not have taken out her hurt and anger towards me. She plotted and schemed enough to have that child now she has to deal with the consequences.

And for the record i dont take that statement back. I still wish she would curl up in a corner and die. She is a time consuming, useless, waste of space in both our lives.

They not married, and nothing is written in stone. If hes attracted to you and wants you then his relationship with the other girl is not meant to be. You are at a stage when you are finding a life partner and there will be plenty of trial and errors. Just because you re in a relationship doesnt mean you have to stay there. If you re unhappy or met someone else then move on. At the end of the day if its in your destiny it will happen.

However if they were married i would tell you to stay away, in the case of marriage you have no right to interfere.

I am in a similar position:

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I have to deal with an ex who is the most unreasonble woman on earth. Aand i nearly broke things off this my BF because of her on many occasions. Everything between my BF and i is perfect except for this woman.

We too are in the process of disscussing maariage and everytime i think of a lifetime of having to deal with that woman i feel like backing out. You have to decide how much this man means to you, and if love can conquer all.

By the way check out this site, it really helps:

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Thanks so much for eveyones advice. I guess to answer the most asked question, no he did not have an aranged mariage with her. He married her because she told him she was pregnant. We are from an islamic counrty, and children before mariage is unheard of. After a rushed wedding, two weeks after to be exact she got her period. We never found out the truth and she wont tell whether she pretended to be pregant because she wanted to marry him or the pregnancy test really did come up as positive. He never saw the test, he believed her when she said she was pregnant (stupidity on his behalf).

I think it was all an act to marry him. Things went down hill form there. He realsized he never loved her and married her because theire was supposed to be a baby on the way and he wanted to do the right thing. After a year of mariage, he had enough and wanted out. She begged and pleaded for another chance and he areeged. Bam ,she gets pregnant again as yet anther attempt to keep him. In the middle of this he met me and just coulnt take another minute with that manipulative woman. So he left. And we are very happy together. I have no regrets with him.

I know this might sound odd and naive on his part, but i believe this is what happedned and have had many people confirm the chain of events.

Beause of her conivingness it took him two years to bond with his son and has made him very bitter.

Theres nothing worse than a woman gettting pregnant on the sly. Children can in some cases cause more damage to a relationship rather than fix things. It is not fair to force a child on its father or to force a man into fatherhood.

YOu need to tell your wife about your feeling... asap.

Good luck

Hello everyone. My name is Rayana and im 23 years old. Three years ago i met a man who i fell madly in love with. We got along great. He is truly my soul mate. Yest after a few weeks of knowing him it came to light that he was married and his wife 7 1/2 months pregnant. I dumped him and I cried non stop for weeks. He begged me not to and said that he wanted a divorce and she got preganat to keep him (the usual story).

After the baby was born he divorced her, and turned up on my doorstep with the divorce papers and a huge smile. I truly, deeply love this man, and after endless hours of conversation and understanding , forgave him and we starting dating properly. We had so much fun and are very much in love to this day.

The problem? His ex wife. She went hysterical, after she was divorced and left with a new born baby. She found out about me and blamed me for everything. The harrasment began. Following me around town. Thretening to kill herself and the baby (not that i would have minded if she died), sending me threat emails, goingo my parent and calling me a homewrecker etc. I have accumalated so much hatred for this woman. If im ever in a position that im in my car and shes in front of me, i would probably run her over. I hate her so much, that i have took it out on the newborn baby. I hated him, even though he is innocent and blamed him for keeping my boyfriend and his partner in each others lives forever. I cringe whenever he goes to see his son, and when hes around her. It make me naseaus. Im not a bad person, but i cant help feeling like this.

We want to get married next year, but i dont see how this can happen when i feel like this, about his past and his relationship with his son.

Please help.

Im 23 years old and have always preferred older men. I cannot even think about being with someone who is below thirty. I guess its because im very mature and find it difficult to relate with men my own age. I think older men are more attractive , experiance and stable in their lives and jobs.