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Inquisitivemind111

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  1. On the previous thread I posted, i was told by a few commenters that I have low self esteem based upon decisions I have made in the dating world. I agree and I feel like it stems from my childhood. — My aunt who is deceased was severely bipolar. She oscillated between being nice & treating me and my siblings crap every single day because she was mentally ill and also angry at the world. Our mom who was depressed her whole life never took up for us or herself because my aunt was the bread winner, and other family members just simply never intervened. So basically I grew up in a very toxic environment, where I never got a chance to escape red flags because I always had to ignore them. So it became kind of normal to me. She caused alot of insecurities within me because she would always beat me down with words , she also constantly made me feel like I wasn’t intelligent, I could barely have friends growing up. It was horrible, she’s even the reason why me & my siblings don’t talk today. (I was the scapegoat and the golden child some days)…….but I do have sympathy for her because she was in pain, she was angry her whole life because she was hurt by a man & she gave up her child, a 44 year old son no one knew about until she finally located him a few months before she died. It was a crazy situation, and very much movie worthy. However I’m still trying to undo the damage that is obviously still here. I was wondering if anyone had any tips on cultivating self esteem, self worth, and boundaries. Many others said therapy but I don’t have insurance. Any book recommendations, Facebook groups, online classes, spirituality tips, podcast or YouTube channel suggestions are very welcome and would be much appreciated. I’m very open!
  2. I agree with you on your first comment. The second one comes off judgmental. I personally don’t drink but I don’t judge people for drinking or taking a photos with friends drinking while either celebrating, having fun, or vacationing. It doesn’t move me because plenty of people do it in my culture. We’re lively. As a matter of a fact majority of people from my culture only post pictures when they are having fun/traveling/or showing off anyway for aesthetics. But thanks for your comment. Have a great day.
  3. Received. Thank you for coming back to respond. I innerstand exactly where you are coming from now.
  4. You are spot on , he’s definitely a loner , and he works a lot so he’s normally isolated from others which he said he prefers. Social media is portrayed as lots of fun/travel/and parties, every picture a bottle of patron, comments from girls only not as many guys…said he drank to deal with his mothers death , and that he used to be very pessimistic & his mother was as well. I believe he had a very hard childhood which included some emotional abuse. He was also a parent at an early age , and experienced a long period of homelessness at an early age. Atleast that’s what he said. But yes you are spot on. Thanks for your reply.
  5. Okay! Great response! You are absolutely right. I think what triggered me to feel hurt was being put on a pedestal and devalued, no one likes that. No I did not think it was a red flag that he was one of my social media admirers for so long, I’m a social media influencer so it didn’t bother me. We chatted over the years so he wasn’t a complete “Stranger”. While I’ll admit there was red flags in the beginning with me having to contact first, but I will take heed to what you said. Maybe I have my own rejection issues, I’ll admit I can be delusional about people because I choose to see the good in others even when they do negative things, why? Because I want others to do the same for me. I’m not perfect. But thanks so much for your insight I appreciate it.
  6. How did I show low self esteem? And in your opinion what was deal breaker number 1? Why are you judging me for wondering if he was a narcissist or not? Am I not allowed to wonder without being a low self esteemed person? Dang girl.
  7. You are right, and I agree. Thanks for the reply. Much appreciated!
  8. Thank you for your response. I knew he was strange! Everything he did when he got here was so weird, and the fact that he wanted pure perfection & for me to take the complete lead was just crazy. But yes he watched me on social media for 7 years, he even had screen shots of me in his phone. I recently realized the other day that he never liked or commented on any of the photos , he just watched from a distance although I had given him my number years ago. What made me give him a chance was, he texted me during my year long hiatus from social media to check on me. And boy did he waste my time with his shenanigans. He comes off as super mature, so for a second I thought maybe it was me, but I know deep down he was not reasonable. Lastly he drove here to meet me, but he also had to drive to Florida the following day, he said that he was going to see his daughter. So I was basically like a pit stop but he tried to make it seem like he drove all of this way just for me.
  9. Basically, I’m here because I’m trying to make sense of what just happened with this guy I was dating…Sorry I’m advance for any typos, please don’t judge me. Here’s the back story: He had been on of my admirers on social media for about 7 years. After repeatedly approaching me, I finally gave him a real chance in January of this year. We spoke everyday all day for about 2 months……. I will admit he was a little strange & withdrawn from the beginning because I had to initiate all over our calls, and he would also make these suggestions to me that I was insecure about other women, which was weird because I’m not, he would also would make slick comments whenever I didn’t text or call him all day although he would be silent as well. He seemed to required that I chase him, as he was always in his own little world. However on the night of our first date — which was the day we met, everything went south! He was agitated & rushing me to see him way earlier than we agreed. His expectations were so high! He criticized me for not doing things how he envisioned. He questioned me at the table about my long term friendships with the opposite sex in a jealous/nervous way, and then he ordered alcohol when he told me he had been sober for 100+ days. He seemed to be forcing romance, and finally in the end he caused a big drama because he wanted to hang out with me more after dinner, i agreed to spend but then he quickly declined because he wanted me to “get my rest” as I had a flight to catch the next morning. However the next morning he expressed to me that he was disappointed because we didn’t hang out after dinner (remember he’s the one that declined…But he claims he did because my offer to hang out with him wasn’t genuine.) And he also expressed being upset because ask/didn’t invite him to breakfast when we hadn’t even made plans to see one another (remember I had a flight to catch, I didn’t even eat breakfast that morning!). In his eyes he says he drove 6hrs see me, but I feel like that was emotional manipulation because he had to drive through my city to get to Florida, on top of that he’s the one that ended our date night. I find it strange & overly emotional that he tried to flip it on me. Long story shorter he started acting funny, and 2 days later I ended up going off on him because how he acted the day we met was completely ridiculous & sinister to me ! He completely played the victim, twisted my words, called me crazy. He said that he put the ball in my court, and I didn’t do anything with it. He also said that he was looking for perfection. He was very stern saying he was testing me and my response to him, showed him the real me. And he said before hanging up that I would care about this more than he would. And just like that , I went from the woman of his dreams to nothing. Afterwards he started lying about being out of the country & not having phone service, and on numerous occasions promising to talk to me about everything, but being completely unavailable. After about three weeks I called him out on his stupid test, the lying, and the fact that he took no accountability for how things that went on our date, and that I now feel like he only had intentions to sleep with me and when it didn’t happened he checked out….he literally laughed in my face & went ghost but didn’t block me. Im wrapping my mind around how he basically spent 7 years admiring me, professing his deep like for me & complimenting me. He seemed so interested & invested when I gave him a chance. Only for him to sabotage everything, play the victim, and disappear. I’ve never dated someone that possibly has personality issues before, so my question is to anyone that has dated this type of person? Is this how a narcissist act when dating? Or was this possibly something else entirely. This whole situation really hurt my feelings. I don’t get it. it was so weird.
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