EarthAngel21

Okay i will have to build the courage to confront him on this...i have some serious thinking to do. Thanks everyone for your advice. I think i will try to have this talk with him and see how things go from here. If things don't go well and everything goes haywire then i guess i'll have no choice but to just end it and let go of all of this. Thanks again for responding to my post. Much luv to you all!

Do you think it sounds like i am very dependent on him from the way i speak?

You're right fris...i guess that's the only way to really move forward. We both have to be honest with each other....

But it's so difficult to just let go of what we have, even though it might not seem like alot right now. I somehow feel like i just can't leave him. I get sad and depressed alot when i think of this but still he makes me happy and i just can't let him go. I love him so much. I just want to know if there's a way to mend what damage has already been done. I just wish someone could tell me exactly what i needed to do to make things better, but i guess there's no perfect answer for that question. I appreciate all that you are all saying, and it makes perfect sense but i still want to give it just one more chance. I see so much for us in the future. I don't blame myself completely for this but i do know i have hurt him. I guess i myself need to be completely honest with me. I just want things to work so badly.

Yes that's true as well, maybe i am paranoid. But at the same time how can i not be? I mean i just want to know what's going on and why? How do i go about seriously talking about this problem when i can't even admitt that i've been checking up on him? I know sometimes he says that i put doubts in his mind because of suspicious things i do, but really and truly i'm totally innocent. I know there was one incident where i came home like 6 in the morning after clubbing with my girls but there was good reason for that. In any case like i said earlier the only real problem that i can see that he has with me is that i like to party. He isn't much of a party person but he'll go out otherwise and now and then we might party. He is more of a dinner person. But it's not fair to get upset with me for partying when it's something i like to do...hmm. Do you see where i'm coming from? I just can't tell why this is happening...our love life is fine, he spends alot of time with me..so what is it?

Thanks Briella for your advice. I guess you're right. We actually do have communication problems as of recently. I just don't understand why it seems like when he's upset he has to do this. Well i mean he hasn't done it for a long time but still, i know that night he didn't want me to go out. We've had a long conversation about all of this but for the most of it i was just arguing with him. I sometimes feel like if i wish i could just move on and forget him and everything that ever happened between us. But at the same time i want to stay and be here so badly but i just want to erase the past. We both had this talk before and we both said we would but there are still some problems here. I blame myself as well because he wasn't like this all along when i first met him but i feel like if i have changed him into what he is now because of mistakes i've made in the past. I feel sometimes like i deserve all of this and i can't be upset, but this i don't deserve. I am only human and we all make mistakes. I have to say though, through it all, he's been there through thick and thin he's been by my side. He has put up with so much from me over the years, and i am just afraid that it has damaged him somewhat. I know he really loves me no doubt. He talks about our future alot and the plans he has for us, and he makes me feel good about myself. There is alot of good in him. But i just want to know that now that i am different that he is faithful to me and not looking around while still in the relationship. I can't ever confront him as you said because i would be betraying his trust as well if he found out. My last resort was to install a spy program on his pc to see if more is going on, but then at the same time if more is i don't want to know cus it might hurt too much. I may just be overreacting as well. I just need to know that we are both honest with each other that's all.......

I've been with my boyfriend now for 5 years. During this time we've been through a whole lot. As of recently I've been having some trust issues with him. In the past i found out that he had been chatting up some girls on this chat program, and i confronted him about it and he stopped doing it. I know this because unknown to him i have his password and username so i can tell what he's up to on his e-mail and so forth. Anyhow as of lately i found out that he's been doing it again. He has told me before that the only reason he started doing it back then was because I was neglecting him and i wasn't making him feel like i needed him much in my life. When i really looked back on my behavior i have to admitt that it's true. Since then i have changed alot and i am more into him now than ever. The only problem that he has with me is that i like to fete with my friends ever so often. ( It's not ridiculous though. About every 3 weeks i party with them) Now very recently i found out that the night i went clubbing with my girls over the weekend last, he messaged a couple of girls again on this program. He asked one girl for her e-mail so that they could chat sometime, and another girl he just messaged asking her how she was doing and that he hadn't spoken to her for a while. These 2 i saw because they were saved in the sent items folder. I didn't see the responses however because he deleted them, but i know there were responses cus there was a link in his e-mail to them. I decided this time around not to come out directly and accuse him of this act because i wanted to see how far it would go. But it bothered me sooo much that i made a general argument about him not deleting the chat program. I sort of made him feel as if i believed that he was still chatting up girls but i didn't know for sure and he denied that he was and he swore that he had stopped. Technically he is telling the truth cus i didn't see any sex talk as i did before, but this could be a start of a repeat of what has happened in the past. All in all i just feel hurt and betrayed and i don't know what to do or believe. I have been checking his email every day to see any responses and so far he hasn't sent any messages since the argument, but then again it's only been 2 days. I just wanna know if anyone believes that this is enough to feel like i can't trust him. OR is this completely normal for a guy to do this kinda stuff like this?? Please respond...i am soo hurt and confused. Thanks.

Hey everyone i recently came accross this forum and i actually have a problem of my own that i'd very grateful for anyone's advice on. Well here is the deal. I am in a steady relationship with a guy and have been for about 4 to 5 yrs ( He treats me very well and i do feel like i truly love him).BUT I recently met this "other guy" from going out partying with my girlfriends whom i am very attracted to. Just to summarize things, we ended up getting close and we used to talk alot on the phone, he also started to visit me at work like every other day and he just seemed really cool. I know we were getting closer than we should have but for some strange reason i liked it. All in all we ended up getting very imtimate with each other mind you he was also in a steady relationship, but his was only for about a yr or so. After we were intimate a few times i kinda distanced myself from him cus i felt very guilty about what i did, we stopped seeing each other for a couple of months. I also stopped going out without my bf as often so as to avoid seeing him and well just to get closer to my bf again ( I think i needed that ) It sorta worked and did, but now all of a sudden since i went out recently with the girls a few times i am seeing this guy again and kinda want to get imtimate with him again, the thing is he is going overseas to study in like 1 month and i dunno how i'd feel after but i kinda really want to. He has no idea of this though cus i don't let guys know how i really feel about them that easily. Anwyays what i wanna know is if i should take the chance at risking my feelings and emotions and get with him again just this 1 last time or if i should just forget this guy and stick with my man. Please reply to this someone, i am in need of advice, time is ticking away.... thanks!