jazz_lover

Yeah I think it would be a good idea to cut back on the texting but not sure quite how to do so without her getting upset. She has been texting me a lot less since she went on holiday with her friend to a beach resort. She texted me last night with some photos of a shop selling novelty shops she walked past on her way back to her hotel one of which was nutella socks (she loves nutella!) i commented on the snoopy socks mentioning snoopy was my favourite cartoon. she asked "Why?". I said i like the humour and the TV series has a jazz score and I love jazz. Then she asked "Why do you love jazz?" and the conversation continued in this vein with question after question until she obviously fell asleep or something mid conversation (there is a time difference so partly understandable). Then again late afternoon a souvenir shop photo of a silly T shirt with a mermaid's body so when you put it on you are the face. This was a reference to a parody theatre show we went to a few weeks ago of the little mermaid so i guess it made her think of us or something. But I am starting to get the feeling she just texts me because she is bored or wants a bit of attention from me and not because she misses me or anything and I do not want to seem too available but at the same time I do not want to ignore her when she is trying to make an effort to stay in touch during her holiday and letting me know indirectly she is thinking about me even though she is having fun with her friends and so on. The other day she also sent some photos of a beach hut saying she would love to hide from the sun in there with me and some photos of the private swimming pool in her hotel saying she would like to drink wine with me at nights and then have sex. It is all very random

For whatever reason my sex drive is pretty low. I am fine having sex once or twice a week preferably not consecutive nights and if I am tired or stressed or anxious (which is quite a lot of the time!) I often get ED. It is not really an issue when I am dating and only seeing a girl once a week. Well occasionally girls expect more than once a night and get disappointed. But as I last quite a long time I do not get any major complaints. But I do sometimes hear stories about men who can have sex five times a night and want it every day of the week and worry about that. And for some reason the women I date often tend to have high sex drives. So I worry if things do progress to a relationship or we see each other a lot more frequently I won't be able to satisfy them. And of course the cultural stereotype is that men are always pestering women for sex. But with me it is usually the other way around! I have seen a doctor and there is nothing really medically wrong with me. I am trying to learn to relax and get more sleep and so on and do more exercise etc but I think in general I am a fairly low energy person which carries over to my sex life. I have been this way most of my adult life ( I am mid 30s). And maybe the way to go is when looking for relationships avoiding women who are overly sexual and make it clear sex is a priority for them in a relationship. But I think most women would take a lack of desire personally so even if they didn't want sex all the time they would want to feel their man did. And as for the occasional ED this happened a few times last year with a girl I was seeing and she got very upset and attributed it to lack of chemistry and was very moody the next day even though she said nothing was wrong I kinda figured the reason. Also I am terrified of going on holidays with women. Especially minibreaks early on in budding relationships where the expectation is there will be lots of sex. Or the beach holidays with the expectation of sun, sea, sand and sex. So I do not really know what to do going forward. Eventually I hope to end up in a relationship and it would be a shame if it failed because of sex.

Also don’t know how this all squares up with her saying all the time she really likes me and really fancies me and misses me and so on. If that were true she wouldn’t be fooling around on dating apps or texting random Luxembourg guys she met on holiday. Obviously we are just dating at the moment and it’s non exclusive so all the above is fine but I think it’s mixed messages and leading me on a little.

She’s 30. She doesn’t brag about anything else. She’s a simple non materialistic primary school teacher and dresses simply and doesn’t wear much make up. But this is the second time when she’s gone on holiday she’s mentioned her “popularity” on the app. I remember a month or so ago she texted me saying she’d just texted the dating app and it looks like they really like her in Luxembourg! Also she did mention a guy she met in Luxembourg with the house in Tenerife who invited her to stay with him and indirectly asked me a few weeks after that if I’d mind. Then told me she had texted him she wasn’t going and asked me to guess his response and he suggested august instead and when she said she needed to be back at work in august he suggested she got a teaching job in Luxembourg! I kinda feel it is insecurity as if she really was dating all there guys she’d shut up about it instead of trying to provoke some kind of reaction from me. I know we aren’t together and we already kinda agreed it’s ok to see other people and just to let the other know if we met someone we liked better but otherwise no need to mention. Not sure what to read into the radio silence this weekend. She’s been on holiday over a week and before the weekend she was texting me every day.

Yeah after she mentioned the 900+ guys we chatted a bit about Athens as I’d visited before. But mid conversation she fell asleep or something it was 2am Greek time so understandable. But haven’t heard from her all weekend. Usually she initiates text conversations. Maybe she’s distracted with 900+ other guys or playing hard to get or something. But I figure too much texting is dangerous anyway so better to leave it until she gets back in touch.

She texted me yesterday with photos as she remembered I wanted a cap as a souvenir. Then later she said she is very popular in Athens (where she is visiting a friend) and had 900+ likes in a few hours. Referring to the dating app we met on. I played it cool saying that Athenian men clearly have excellent taste and she changed topic and asked what I was up to and we had a normal conversation. My friend thinks that I should just ignore her when she tries to make me jealous as it’s disrespectful and childish to rub in my face. I know she seems like hard work. But most of the time when we text and spend together she is fun and amusing and upbeat and very sweet. And maybe she is used to Greek men pressuring her and acting more jealous and possessive so is trying to get a reaction.

Oh she also says she has a hard time trusting me because she is new to online dating and is used to meeting people through common friends or at parties so there is always someone who can vouch for the person. She says she only knows what I tell her so she has to trust my words. But she also knows my kisses and hugs are real so she chooses to trust them. And she thinks when you don't trust someone that makes you automatically jealous. And she wishes she met me in a different setting so she can trust me more and feels this is something we need to work on. In the past she has also mentioned a few times she has commitment phobia and that she sabotages anything good because she is good at making bad choices. So I think in general a casual arrangement probably suits us both best. I do not see the point of getting involved with someone with trust and commitment issues and a habit of sabotaging potential relationships. And while she says she likes me a lot and misses me and talks about future activities together she isn't pushing for anything and seems OK to continue dating non-exclusively.

Well not this summer when we are hundreds of miles away. We kind of had a talk about it last night. She said "Guess who texted me that he is in London?". I correctly guessed that it was this Spanish guy she met in Luxembourg a month ago when she went on a weekend break with a girlfriend. She mentioned he had just bought a house in Tenerife and shortly afterwards asked how I would feel if she went to Tenerife. I said she can go on holiday wherever she wants. She asked "With whoever I want?" and I said "Sure". And at the time she said she liked how cool I am. But then a week later said she texted the guy to say she wouldn't be visiting him there. She hasn't mentioned him since until last night. So I said "Seems you made quite an impression on him!". She said "Do you feel jealous?". I was like "Not really" and she got upset and said if I cared about her I would feel jealous and she didn't realize I was this cool. I said that she is a pretty girl so obviously going to have lots of men interested in her but she likes me so why would I worry about other guys? But I would rather not hear about them. She said "OK so I should go on dates without telling you? Or since you are so cool maybe I should ask you for advice on what to wear?". Then she said she tells me because she wants to be honest and open with me and not tell lies. So I said "It is a long summer and it is possible we will meet other people so how about we only tell each other if we meet someone we like more". She seemed to like that and said "Ok it is a deal". She then started talking about holidays asking where I planned to travel next. I said I didn't know and asked the question back to her. She said she wanted to go to Turkey with her mother but her mother wasnt keen because Turkish people don't like Greeks. She then said we should go to Turkey together and you can protect me because they don't like me! I said I wasn't sure about my summer plans yet but will let her know. Next morning she sent me a photo of her mani/pedi saying she chose blue because it reminds her of me (I have blue eyes) and said she thinks about me all the time. So I think we have a partial understanding but she still seems very keen and I am not sure and feel a bit pressured. I think also I am cynical and cautious whereas she is letting herself get swept away with initial infatuation. Oh she also said last night "I am 30 and you are the nicest man I have ever met I feel so calm and happy when I am with you and I really fancy you". I discussed this with a friend and we both agree it is too obvious and too much and who says such things! I mean it is flattering and nice to be appreciated but not sure what to make of it. We do not know each other that well and I think the focus should be getting to know each other better and assessing compatibility.

We've been texting a bit since she left. She sent me some photos and videos of a Greek wedding she went to over the weekend that she's told me about a few times before she left. She also sent me a few photos of cafes/bars in her hometown and told me a funny story she heard on a night out with her cousin and his gf. Basically a girl they knew was doing some tidying and found a list her boyfriend's previous sexual partners with comments besides them rating their performance. I joked he should have used an excel spreadsheet. And we joked a little about it. She said she had her own categories such as first love, guys who made no impact on her life, bad choices, and father of her child. I asked which was the longest list she said guys who made no impact on her life. And she then asked about my weekend and I said I went to the beach and she said she would love to be on a secluded beach kissing me and lying next to me in the sand and got carried away with that. But yesterday I texted her Kalinihta and she asked me to tell her honestly in how many different languages I learnt to say goodnight to say to girls. I said just a few. She said "How many and which ones?". Then she said in Greek (I needed to use google translate) I wish you were 10 years younger because I have a hard time hearing about all these Middle Eastern girls. I said there werent that many and they are all in the past. She said maybe I need an excel spreadsheet (referring to the funny story she told me Sunday night). She then asked how long I could wait until I could kiss her again. I said not very long which I think she misinterpreted She then said she strangely seemed to be very popular in her own country (presumably referring to the dating app) and asked how online dating was going. I sidestepped saying "Well I met a lovely Greek girl but then she went on holiday to Greece" and she said she was finding it hard to trust me but she really wanted to. She then mentioned she went to a cafe yesterday playing jazz that made her think of me and we talked about that and then she got back on topic saying she liked how i didn't want to tell her about my online dating and asked if I met anyone as nice as her. I said she is the nicest girl I have met in a long time (which is true) and she said do you like nice girls or do you prefer bad choices. I said of course nice girls so long as they aren't boring.. She said she wished she could lie next to me right now which might stop her overthinking. I asked what she is overthinking about and she said "I am thinking about you dating in London and going to parks. I am thinking how much you mean what you say. I am thinking how my holiday is so long. And 100 other things!". I said she should try to enjoy her holiday and not think so much. I don't know how well I handled it. She seems to understand I am dating other girls and hasn't demanded exclusivity but has also indicated she is feeling jealous and insecure about it. I guess maybe she just wants to be open about how she feels and get everything off her chest rather than bottling everything up. And I am sure she will get busy with friends/family/trips and that will distract her mind. But I cannot help feeling a bit sorry for her.

It sounds like you are not ready for a relationship. At your age there are lots of guys who will be content to date and hang out without pushing for a relationship or wanting to spend so much time with you. And that is perfectly OK because you are focused on your studies and finding yourself. So it does not matter that this guy seems "perfect" he is not "right" for you at this stage of your life. Besides he is not perfect because he is pressuring you. It has only been a couple of months and he wants to meet your parents and wants more than 1-2 times a week even though he knows you are busy with school. And soon he will probably pressure you for a commitment.

I think I’m warming to the idea of dating her. She started off very sexual and we had a lot of chemistry and she was the one sexting me and inviting me over to hers at 8.30 at night. So I went with it especially as I knew she was disappearing for the summer. But over the last month she’s talking to me a lot more normally telling me about what’s going on with her life and she’s suggested proper dates with the theatre and zoo night. And I did actually have a good time with her. We also have a lot of inside jokes and make each other laugh. And I think I missed not seeing her this weekend. My issue with meeting up with her over the summer is it feels like pressure. We’ve only been on a few proper dates and spending a weekend or more together in a foreign country with no escape might be a bit too much. On the other hand if we do have a great time together then maybe this could develop into something more than just casual dating. But she’s only gone for a month or two so should be easy enough to pick things up where we left off and as she is only there for the summer her priority is probably spending time with friends and family rather than dating so she should still be available end of the summer. She has already asked what I’d like as a souvenir so I think she’s intending to see me when she’s back.

Don't get me wrong I do like her. And actually I am finding myself missing her a bit. Maybe I just feel a bit of pressure because she is very open about her feelings whereas usually people keep their cards closer to their chest in the early stages. And also it has been a bit confusing seeing her transition things from hooking up to dating and then disappearing for the summer. She suggested we could do a city break over the summer or I could visit her. But that feels a little risky so feels easier to see if we can pick things up where we left off when she is back. I am a little reassured by your comments. It does appear as if she knows the score.

Yeah my understanding is that as we haven't discussed exclusivity and it is obvious we cannot see each other over the summer then it is to be assumed we can see other people and do whatever we want. But I do not know whether I need to spell it out. She seems a little naive and she seems to like me a lot and has indicated she feels jealous about other women (even if they are in my distant past) and indicated she isn't seeing anyone else.

I've been dating this woman for a few months. I have tried to keep things pretty casual. We see each other once a week and usually I go to hers or she goes to mine and we will talk, have sex, order some takeaway, sleep over and enjoy a nice lie in together. I always knew she would be going away for the summer as she is a teacher and goes back to her country for the whole summer. And from the beginning she was very sexual with a lot of sexting. So I figured we had a mutual understanding we were just having fun together. But she makes no secret of the fact she likes me. She says it a lot. Also often says she misses me/wishes I was with her etc. She also says I look super handsome and perfect especially in a blue shirt. And she also gets a bit jealous. We went to the park on one of our early dates and made out. So whenever I mention I am going to the park she asks who I am going with or asks if it is a date. And we went to a Lebanese restaurant and she could see I was enjoying the music and I mentioned I liked belly dancing. She said she would love to dance for me but later started thinking and asking how I developed a taste for the music and when she kept asking eventually I said I used to know some people from the Middle East and she got upset and said she didn't like feeling she came second and wished I had less experience. Also sometimes I try to indicate that we aren't exclusive for example she was in Paris and said she witnessed the perfect French kiss and I said well maybe it is a good opportunity to practice and learn and she said she only wants to kiss English guys with blue shirts (i.e. me) and when she went to Luxembourg she said the city was full of men and I said "what happens in luxembourg stays in luxembourg". Also the last few times we met up she was keen to do proper dates suggesting an outdoor theatre and another time the zoo at night whereas previous dates I just came over to hers fairly late and we drank, had sex and ordered takeaway. We haven't really talked that much about the summer but last time we met and I stayed over at hers she said she likes me so much and will really miss me. She also made a few references to activities when we are back prefacing it by saying at the end "if we see each other again". And said I could visit her in the summer or we could go on a city break. I do not really know how I feel about her. She is very sweet and very nice and we get along pretty well sharing a similar sense of humour and we have good chemistry and are very affectionate with each other. But maybe she is a bit too obvious and I guess I like a bit of uncertainty and mystery and maybe also I always considered it as a casual thing. She hasn't brought up exclusivity or talked about where it is going or anything like that. But I do not think she is seeing anyone else and she seems to like me a lot. I intend to keep dating other women over the summer. I do not know what her plans are. But I do not like the idea of her saving herself for me all summer as by the end of the summer I might have found someone I like better or I might lose interest over the summer not seeing her regularly and I am worried with her absence will make the heart even fonder. So I feel I should say something to her but do not want to upset her.

Yeah agreed. I think I would have been walking on eggshells the whole time as she seems easily annoyed and upset.

I read it not as backpedalling or making excuses but simply confirming that her feelings had cooled and trying to rationalize it in a slightly passive aggressive and condescending way. She fancies herself as a psychologist even though she's spent her life working in HR and only has a one year psychology masters and on our last date was saying some spiel about how she doesn't believe people can change so when she sees red flags she just gives up. That probably ties in with the small details/couple of things that made her cool off. IE she was in a disqualifying mode. What I find ironic is she was complaining a few weeks ago about her ex not making her a priority while giving me a hard time for being a bit sloppy with scheduling a date over the long Jubilee weekend.

Mm well there is a final postscript to all of this. After our date we exchanged a few texts but her texts were very cold and mostly focused on her ongoing flat saga with the occasional polite "How are you?" and her replies were sporadic sometimes taking days to reply. She moved into the new flat over the weekend but there still wasn't any real change in the texting patterns etc. In the end I texted her saying "You seem to have lost interest so I'm going to move on. Hope everything works out for you and you find what you are looking for". She replied later that day saying: "Hey jazz I think it needs to be explained in a bit more detail I think I'm currently just focusing on some other stuff and any even small details make me cool off from anyone as it's not my priority. There are of course a couple of things made me feel this way. But it does not mean I have never felt for you" I realize there is no point replying and most likely what has happened is her feelings changed and she is just trying to find excuses to rationalize it. And of course she is trying to let me down gently while at the same time pointing the finger at me.

We met in central so i didn't have to do the shopping with her and she took the metro from work to central and she insisted on splitting the dinner bill like she did last date. So in the end it was a date. But unfortunately a bad date and clear to me she isn't interested so not going to beat a dead horse. I sent her a text last night saying "Hope you managed to get home safe. It was nice to see you tonight". She replied "It was stressful but i got home OK nothing to worry". And i replied "Ahh ok sleep well and good luck with the move tmrw" and she didnt bother replying to that. She hasn't messaged me today whereas for the past week she has been texting me good morning every single day. So yeah dead in the water so will delete her number and see what else is out there.

Yeah I think she lost interest as the date progressed as she started the date a lot warmer and more attentive and affectionate and relaxed and then became more distant and distracted and nervous. Could have partly have been my fault as I'm not at my best on Mondays and was low energy and maybe a bit quieter than usual and maybe that turned her off. I also suspect that bringing up late in the evening the thing about red flags and the conversation a week ago when she said that our difficulty scheduling dates meant we didnt have enough time for each other was her way of rationalizing why she wasn't feeling it and giving herself an excuse for not seeing me again. But it still feels a bit strange. Last week she was warm and relaxed and affectionate and we made our for hours in the park and she has been texted me regularly ever since initiating texts every morning and talking about how she is going to invite me to her housewarming and how she misses me etc and wanting to go to the musical a month in advance and while scheduling this date was a bit of an effort with her flat search she was making an effort when I said I was happy to wait until she had settled into her new place.

Yeah dont think there was any emergency. Her flat is sorted and she picks up the keys tomorrow evening. She did mention her friend's date stood her up saying he had to work late so maybe that is what some of the texts were about. She wasn't actually texting at the table but her phone was on the table and her gaze would wander to the message notifications and generally she seemed quite distracted. So yeah I did find it quite rude.

Yeah she was a bit off tonight behaviour more similar to first two dates: nervous body language fidgeting a lot and shifty eye contact and while she showed a bit of affection giving me a warm hug to greet me and holding my hand a little at dinner generally she was a bit standoffish and when I tried to kiss her goodnight she gave me her cheek despite the fact we had made out for hours on our last date. Also we were talking a bit about psychology as she did her masters in that and she said she thinks people don’t change so when she sees red flags she gives up and referenced again the conversation we had a week or so ago when our schedules didn’t coordinate and she thought we didn’t have enough time together. also at dinner she had her phone on the table and her eyes darted towards it every time a message popped up and in general she seemed distracted. Strange because all weekend she was saying she missed me and was excited to see me again. So I think you might be right that her ex being in contact with her this weekend has put her guard up again and she didn’t make the same effort she made last weekend. also there was a bit of drama at the end her phone was dying and she wasn’t familiar with the route back to her friend. I said that I could take her to the nearest station and get her an Uber or directions but she refused saying she would find somewhere she can charge her phone which again interpreted as non interest so yeah shame really but doesn’t seem to be anything here and last week must have just been lightning striking

I’m dating other women and my city is very cosmopolitan and I think because I’m blond and blue eyed I seem to match mostly with Mediterranean and Latin women on the apps. But yeah I’m not pinning all my hopes on this one. I ignored the comment about never wanting to join and she later texted confirming 7 30 central. Will see how tonight goes (assuming no further last minute changes) then see if things get easier once she’s moved into her new place this week. But if it continues to be hard work will throw in the bed sheets as you suggest

I think partly it’s a cultural thing. She’s also Turkish (like the one from last year) and they don’t really get dating and because of the culture tend to socialise in mixed groups and then transition from friends to boyfriends. So I think trying to include me in her social circle is her partly her way of auditioning me as a potential boyfriend whereas the western way is to date and then much later down the line meet each other’s friends etc. I think the invites were also because she has been pretty busy over the past few months so scheduling dates had been difficult so she tried to tag me on to a few of her meet-ups with friends. But yeah it is a little trying as I’m trying to work around her busy schedule and being patient and understanding and she’s upset I passed on some last minute invitations to join her with friends and aren’t keen to shop for bedsheets on our second proper date! Think best to just to ignore the accusation and see if she sticks with the plan to meet 7 30 in central after her chat with her friend and shopping. Oh another red flag I forgot to mention on our first date she mentioned her ex kept texting her wanting to get back together even though she’d told him she didn’t want any further contact. Last week she got upset that we struggled to schedule a date and said she didn’t seem to be my priority and that was why she broke up with her ex because he didn’t have time for her. And over the weekend she said her ex boyfriend had started texting her again and wouldn’t give up and it was so annoying. So I think she might be projecting a bit and anything I do that reminds me of his failings will get me in hot water also begs the question why she hadn’t blocked him

Well yeah she’s moving tmrw so I understand why she might need to pick up a few things but didn’t quite understand why she wanted me to come. Also not sure why she can’t finalise arrangements with her future flat mate via text. And in both cases the sensible thing would be to simply ask me if it’s ok if we meet at say 8 to allow plenty of time for her to do these things. It just feels like an unnecessary journey on my part and a weird add on to a date. But she’s sensitive so I think in her mind she’s trying to include me in her flat move and previously tried to include me with her socialising with friends and by not joining it shows I don’t care or something

Getting there with the arrangements but she says she needs to meet her future flat mate after work to discuss arrangements and then pick up some bedsheets. She said I could help her select. She mentioned a department store I thought she meant the central branch so said we could meet in central do the shopping then get some food. She said she meant the branch by her office. I said it would be easier to meet in central once she’s done with her friend and shopping. She said ok but then a bit later texted saying she didn’t understand why I never wanted to join when she tried to include me with stuff. im guessing she meant the bed sheet shopping but also the few last minute invitations she gave in previous weeks to join her when she was out with friends but at the time I hardly knew her and had my own plans and didn’t fancy a group date. I don’t really fancy making the long journey to her office to pick her up and do shopping especially as I might have to wait around while she’s with her friend when we were planning to eat and drink in central anyway. But she seems upset so should I say I can pick her up from work and do shopping with her ? Although I probably won’t get credit as she’ll assume I’m only offering to do because she got upset about it and not because I wanted to.