val_17

Now... My parents are making me choose between university and Justin. They said that either I can end the relationship or they will. My mum said that she doesn't want me going to queens with a boyfriend so if I break up with Justin I can go to Queens...if I don't then I'm going to Carleton. I've wanted to go to Queens even before I met Justin so I'm going to Queens. I don't want to break up with Justin... Should I just tell them that I broke up with him...not see him for a month and then be with him in university? What's the best way of faking a break up? If my parents find out that I didn't actually break up with him then I will be going to Carleton... Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is my family trying to make me choose between Justin and them? Why would they want me to make such a decision... My family will be there for me no matter what decisions I make so why does it matter who I'm going out with. My mum and me had a conversation at dinner today about Justin. She still talks badly about him even if I ask her not to. She said "Go ahead and stay with Justin, and you'll live in poverty" and crap like that. Also, she still garuntees me 100% that I'll realize that they were right... she doesn't know 100%... who ever does?!? She said now that she knows that I lie to her to see Justin, she's not going to let me go anywhere... she said that when I go to Kingston I can do whatever I want and she can't stop me but until then if I even mention going up to Kingston or going away with my friends or anything she says that she'll have to take it up with my dad and I know already that my dad won't let me go anywhere.

On the weekend I went and saw Justin anyway, despite my paretns rules. I lied to my mum but then told her about it the next day. She just said she thought I was going to and not to tell my dad. She didn't seem like it bothered her too much. I talked to my family about it on Sunday. They said that the whole thing will blow over (they still all like Justin... Thank God!) and that things were going to be okay. So things are looking up. I got to see Justin and my mum wasn't upset about it... it's all very strange but at least things are working themselves out.

In my opinion I wouldn't call it "changing"... he's not trying to change you he obviously likes you, you can tell because he expresses himself all the time, he just wants you to be more open, and that isn't "changing". Me and my boyfriend had the same conflict... but I was the one in your boyfriends situation. He probably just feels like your not into him because you don't express yourself the way he does. He has to accept the fact that you have a different way in expressing yourself. If you express your thoughts better in writing then by all means write out your feelings towards him in a letter and give it to him. Maybe if you do this he will realize that you do really like him and then he won't feel the need to show his love ALL the time. The only reason he probably shows it all the time is to remind you he feels towards you and to be reassured that you have the same feelings towards him. On the other hand you should keep in mind that he treats you the way he wants to be treated. You know the old saying.. Treat others as you would want to be treated. I know that this is difficult for you but the more time you spend with eachother the more comfortable you will become and thus the more open you will be. Your relationship is still new so it's alright if you don't feel comfortable sharing such deep feelings with him yet. I wouldn't be worried if I were you, it is a fixable problem. You can either wait it out and hope that over time he'll realize this himself or if you wanted to you could talk to him about it. If you talk to him about it, let him know that you do really like him but that your feeling pressured into being more open and its bothering you. Tell him that he should be patient instead of forcing feelings out of you that you might be ready to share with him yet. You could also write more letters to him and that would reassure him. If he really does like love you like you say he does then he will understand and he will give you some time. For the sex issue, I can understand where your coming from. I have only slept with my boyfriend and he has slept with people before me so I was in your situation. My boyfriend also always intiates sexual stuff, and I too was not used to it ( still not completely used to it ). If I was you, I would tell him how you feel about it. Tell him that your not as comfortable with your body as he is with his and that this is new to you and not to rush you. It sounds like your boyfriend is sincere about his feelings but he needs to understand that relationships can't be rushed. When you're both ready it will happen, not only when one wants to. Anyway, I hope I helped or at least gave you some ideas to work with. Good Luck.

I feel so alone. Everyone has left me. Im beginning to become depressed because I can't do anything about the situation I'm in and there's no one there. All of my friends are camping, my parents hate my bf so he can't come see me and I can't see him. My sister won't listen to me and my parents don't understand. I feel so alone. I want to do something about it but I don't know how to make things better. I just wish my life was normal again. I don't think it could get any worse. Maybe if I hurt myself people would care... I know it sounds stupid but maybe then they would notice me and help me. Because right now I feel just alone. I can't deal with my sad life being like this every single day... I've had enough. I can't take it anymore.

I understand that my parents are just trying to help me but why can't they just give me advice instead of controlling me and making my decisions for me. I think it's a good thing that they want to be involved in my life, but I think they are too involved. If me and Justin are happy, then why are they trying to ruin it on purpose. My mum sent me a long email today. It said this... I don't think our conversation yesterday went very well and I wanted to clarify a few things. Whether you believe it or not, nobody loves you more or cares about your health and happiness more than Dad and I. Friends, boyfriends come and go...we are with you until we die. Dad and I didn't have you and say to ourselves "oh good, a beautiful baby. Let's make her unhappy and ruin her life". We want you to be healthy and happy and to reach your full potential. Because we feel so strongly and love you so much we feel we HAVE to voice our concerns about your relationship with Justin If we left the situation alone, it would mean that we didn't love you enough or care enough to endure your anger and even your hatred towards us even though in our hearts, we believe that this relationship is detrimental to you and your future. As dad said yesterday, it is not just even about school, it is so much bigger than that, it is about you, your life, your future, your self esteem, your life choices. You need to think long and hard about what you are doing and how your actions are affecting your family. Your family was there long before Justin and you know what? We will be there long after Justin too. Think about that. It isn't a coincident that the people who love you and are close to you are concerned. We are not making this up. We have all seen it at different times.We all feel the same way. I would lay down my life for you. Do you really think I would intentionally go out of my way to hurt you or cause you sadness? This sadness is temporary and in the long run, I know what we are doing is right. My instinct has never steered me wrong. Thank God i have it as most mothers do. LOVE MUM I still don't see how my relationship with Justin is "detrimental". I am HAPPY with Justin. Why can't they just let us be? They say they love me so much, then why can't they respect the decisions I AM making in MY OWN life. They are supporting me though school. What is the worst they can do if I'm still with Justin in university, stop funding me? pull me out of school? I mean what can they really do... nothing. My mum used to be my best friend, she's like my enemy. I hate talking to my parents now, I'm soo angry with them, it's like I don't want anything to do with them. Why can't they just realize that they are making a mistake? Guess what.. Parents aren't always right. My mum said in her letter about temporary sadness, well I don't have to be sad in the first place. The only reason I am sad is because of her. I've talked to some close friends at school and they think my parents are crazy and what they're doing is insane. I just don't know why they can't leave me alone and let me be happy. They have to ruin everything, everytime. They made my sister break up with her last boyfriend of 2 years. I'm tired of having my life controlled by my parents and this time, I'm not going to let them. I am my own person, I will make my own decisions. Period.

Most people don't know how to listen. My life is falling apart and I have no one to talk to because no one will listen. My problem is with my family. I know that this section is about relationships, and my problem is... I don't have a problem with my boyfriend. My parents do. When me and my boyfriend (Justin) of one year started going out everything was fine. My family loved him. We were happy. He moved into my house in June because he was going to live here for the summer and work with my dad to get money for his school. Still everything was fine. I understant that I am only 17 and that it's a big step for my boyfriend to live in my house, but things were actually going well. It all started the night of my graduation. I go to a fancy school and for our grad our families got to go to a big dinner with all the grads. My grandparents came to mine because my parents don't like dressing up. Still things between me and my boyfriend were okay. I was feeling sick however, and I went out on the balcony several times with Justin because I thought that I was going to throw up. My grandma made up some crazy story that she told my parents saying that Justin was controlling me and he wouldnt let me go to the bathroom by myself. The truth is that I didn't even go to the bathroom in the first place, and thats what boyfriends do, if you're not feeling well, they try and make you feel better. And when dancing time came, I didnt want to dance but he did, and my grandparents told my parents that Justin ruined my night and that they were shocked. Well after this, as soon as I came back from my grad my mum basically kicked Justin out of the house because she claimed that she was realizing this kind of stuff too. We were both upset because we didn't understand what we did. Everything in our lives was perfect until this point. So Justin left that day and moved to Kingston with his friends, the town where I'm going to university in Sept. So I thought it wasn't that bad. My parents were starting not to like him but I could still be with him and go to his place etc. Justin now has no job and basically had to restart his life. He got screwed over because he didnt do anything and now that he has no job he doesn't know if he can afford going back to school in Sept. Both of my parents are pessimistic realists. I am a optimistic idealist. My mum says that my boyfriend is going now where in life, that she'll eat her crap if he ends up going to school and that apparently he's "dragging me down with him". It hurts me when I hear my own parents talking so badly about someone I care so much about. First of all, they have no right to doubt him, everyone is capable. Secondly, no one can drag me down but myself. I am a strong person, I know what I want out of life, no one (doesn't matter who it is) can keep me from achieving my goals. So NO he's not dragging me down. He still comes over to my house when he can afford to (he lives a few hours away) We had a fight last night about Campuskiss (this online chat thing) I made up a fake account one night because I was bored but deleted it the same day because I realized it was supid. Well Justin saw all the people (guys) I was talking to and he was upset. It's not that he's extremely jealous, he is jealous but I mean I understand where he is coming from, he wouldn't do that to me. We had a fight last night around 2:00 AM and I had school the next day. My mum heard us and came down and told us to go to bed. We're fine now. When I woke up, my parents said he had to leave and when I got home from school. My mum had sent me an email saying that she didn't want him sleeping over at our house anymore. I decided that this whole thing was a misunderstanding (which it is) and I went to go talk to them. It didn't go well. It ended up being both my parents yelling at me, me crying and no one ended up listening to a word I said pretty much. The out come now is that: He is not allowed to come over to my house, I am not allowed to go to his house, I am not allowed to phone him. I am not a child. I am moving out of my house in a month and living by myself. I am going into university, why are they treating me like a child?! I am grown up enough to make my own decisions. I am not going to let other people make them for me. My boyfriend makes me happy, my parents do not make me happy. I still believe that this is a whole misunderstanding, but no one will hear me out. I just get to listen to how bad my boyfriend is ( they say the worst things, I have never heard another person talk so badly about anyone in my life) and how they know whats best for me 100%. I know that they love me , but seriously, I think they don't know what they're doing. They definitely don't understand the situation in the first place so how are they 100% correct? I still haven't talked to my grandparents. My mum thinks that I am avoiding them because the two times either of them has made an effort to talk to me since, I've been in the bath or on the phone. My dad says that if I go against his rules and turn this into a fight then I'm going to lose. Personally, I'd rather lose trying, then not lose at all. I phoned Justin after I had the "conversation" with my parents and he says that he can wait for me and that he doesn't want to be with anyone else but me and to take my time. He doesn't understand what he did to make my parents and gradparents not like him anymore ( they all used to love him ) I wish I knew what I could tell him. I just feel really bad for him because I, myself don't understand. I just want things to go back to the way they were when everyone was happy. I want to make things right again between everyone but it's kind of hard to do that when you're not given the chance and it's pretty much impossible to take one. I hope that over time they will realize that I do love Justin and that he makes me happy. Maybe they will respect him again. What would you do in my situation? I'm willing to take any advice... because right now I am lost. Thank you for reading my incredibly long post. I just had to get it all off my chest. Maybe someone can help me.