dumbfox

We are renting a house. We do not have a lease, but a 30-day notice would be required if were to both vacate. He has no savings...what an @ss because it would be possible for him to save. I think he blew $500 or so with his little slip-up the other night too, but don't know for sure. He does have a 401K plan from his now former employer which has several thousand I believe. I have about $700 in savings at the moment. I would feel comfortable enough financially to leave when I have $1500. That will take about a month. Most of the bills are in his name, since he was out here before I was. The only bills in my name are the internet and DISH bill, which total about $150 a month. Neither are under contract and could easily be canceled. Getting a roommate would be a great idea! I would have never thought of that. Thank you for bringing it up. "When you hear he wants to talk about your relationship, how do you feel about it?" I feel so flaky saying "I don't know", but that's how I feel. My heart and head do not agree...or more so, my intellect and emotions don't agree. Will they? I don't know. I would like him to actually speak to be openly and honestly about how he feels without being guarded. I would like to know what he wants deep down. I do not want to hear "I don't know" because that just won't cut it anymore. We have both made some serious mistakes, mine before the breakup and his after the breakup. Are the mistakes forgivable on both parts? I believe yes. The bigger problem is our communication. There is a part of me that wants to try and see if things will work. But, I don't think that would even be possible for me to do unless we got everything out in the open. I am still not certain what he really wants. I think he is very hurt that I lied to him and is questioning whether love is enough to get past it and move forward. I do believe that he is very torn about us deep down and can't face it. I think he is in the same place as I really, where his heart and head don't agree. I do think that he does love me and is having a hard time admitting it to me because I think he will see it as forgiveness, which he isn't ready for. He kept stating last night how good I was too him and how well we fit and how we had so much fun together. He never told me he still loved me, he said he did very much and now doesn't know and then would go into "I need a clear head." I'm not sure what it says about the situation but I feel very foolish in a way for considering a reconciliation. I know that love is not enough. And in way he has not been honest with me either. Not that he lied, but he kept things from me. I think if he truly wanted to work things out, that at minimum we need a separation. It is too easy to fall back into old patterns and basically "forget" the problem, while it continues to eat away at you and then nothing was ever solved.

I know you are right and I really appreciate you being so honest and supportive. Who would have thought I would find this sort of support online from a complete stranger? I feel very blessed to have found this site. It has helped me ways you don't even realize. I spoke to both Brian and my mom over my lunch break. Brian is very distraught and getting angry. I did tell him that I feel this is a blessing in disguise because he had been so unhappy at his job. I asked him if he had thought about his plan of action and he didn't know. Am I wrong to feel he is obligated to at least find another source of income here? I can't pay for the house bills alone. I very well may move back to Nebraska, but it will be at least a month before I have the money. I am very worried that he is just going to up and leave to go back to Nebraska (like in the next week) and leave me stranded here to deal with the house and bills, etc... If that happens, I don't know what I will do. My mom thinks it would be best to move back to Nebraska and I do think I am beginning to agree, but I can't just do it this weekend you know? And now Brian wants to talk about us when I get home.

Yes, this sexual side of him is very much out of character. I am wondering if certain drugs, like cocaine, bring out that side of you that you normally try to keep hidden. No inhibition type thing? This is seriously only getting worse, when I didn't think it could. He called me this morning to tell me that his boss called and fired him. What the heck do I do now? I feel like I can't abandon him. My mom is being supportive. Her last email: I would react the way you wish he would have to your problems. Not that you want to make up, but because it's the right thing to do. I would make that clear to begin with if you do not want to pursue this relationship so he doesn't get the wrong idea. I feel for you. When it rains it pours. I am assuming that there was a lot of bellyaching and complaining while Brian was gone. Probably lots of backstabbing too. It's very unfortunate if they are using Brian as a scapegoat. But that doesn't make sense. Didn't they have problems before Brian came? What happened to the last guy? They didn't fire him did they? You don't think that it got back to the boss that Brian was using drugs or drinking a lot and that's why he got fired. This just doesn't make sense. But then again what do I know. You both are at a crossroads in your life. If you only had a crystal ball. Unfortunately, it's never that easy. With what has happened the last couple of days, is Brian strong enough to handle this? And she is right to question whether he is stable enough to deal with this. He was the manager of a transportation company, but also has his CDL. I am hoping to convince him to go find a job driving truck tomorrow. Now, how long does cocaine stay in your system (as far as drug test purposes)? I can not support the both of us. I am in that constant fight or flight feeling where I just want to run and it's making me ill. I have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow and am going to ask him to determine if I am having problems with some sort of anxiety disorder. I can not cope like this. I jump every time the phone rings at work (and it's my job to answer it). I thought I was going to throw up last night when FedEx came to deliver a package and knocked on the door. I don't feel like this is just stress anymore. I am seriously worried I am going to have meltdown.

Thank you Eric. Your comment about moving on and not back really struck me and I think that might what is best. Thank you for taking the time to respond. Hope - I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Don't every feel bad about not being online to post. It's nice to just to have bouncing board where I can at least post how I feel, even if no one responds. I hope everything turns out okay with your dad. I got home about 4pm yesterday and there was one guy there and Brian. They were just sitting in the living room watching TV and drinking. Brian was high out of his mind. The other guy, well, he was probably high too but since I don't know what normal is for him, he seemed fine. Brian was all "let's go talk." I asked him if he had called a cab and he said no, but this guy was ready to leave. Why the heck he was even there is beyond me. So, I called the cab company and they said it would an hour before the could get there. I grabbed my keys, told Brian to put clothes on (he was in a robe?!?) and told this dude I would take him home. And that's what we did. We got back home and Brian was all "let's talk, sit down with me, blah blah blah." So, I sat down to talk and while he was very open with his feelings, he wasn't talking about what was important. All he wanted to do was talk about sex! His sexual experiences, the things he's done and I just listened but the whole time I was just thinking - WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS?! And to make matters worse, he sits there just playing with himself the whole time, like it was an unconscious thing. Does coke do that to a person? Call me naive, but I've never done it or been around someone that has. I told him that when he said he wanted to talk that I thought he meant about how he felt about us/me. He said he needs a clear head. I tried asking him about what he wanted to do about the pets, etc...and he's like I just want to spice things up and see what happens (as in work it out?). I told him I couldn't get back into a relationship under those pretenses. And I have no idea what the heck he means by spice things up. Apparently, on coke, in his mind, all things are cured by sex. I don't know. I just couldn't take it and asked him if he would be okay alone for awhile. He didn't want me to leave, but I told him I had to. He said he'd be fine, but I took his keys and told him if I came back and people were there I would call the police. So, off I went with really nowhere to go. I ended up at Bob Evan's, drinking coffee and picking at French Toast. I talked to my mom for a bit and then went back home. He seemed like he was coming down a little more when I got there. I went into the spare bedroom to be alone and he followed. He didn't want to be alone. It didn't take long after that for him to fall asleep. I got up this morning to the sound of him puking. We didn't talk, I just got ready for work and left. I don't think he is going to work again today. I have a feeling that by the time I get home, he will be sober, leaving him remorseful, guilty and ashamed. And I think he will just shut me out like before. So, we'll really be back where we were 2 days ago. His little experience hasn't changed anything except for to validate for me that this can't work. And he will most likely be easier to live with in the meantime because of his embarrassment. I am still leaving. I don't know when, but it will be as soon as realistically possible.

Thank you Echo. He has called twice since the last post. He drove back to our house and brought these people with him. I told him they need to leave before I get home. He then proceeds to tell that he will have to drive them back to wherever they came from because he brought them to our house. I told him that he should NOT be driving and to call a cab for them. He said he doesn't have any cash. I told him that when I got home at 4pm there had better be a cab waiting outside and that I would have cash with me to pay the driver in advance to deposit these people wherever. Then, I get an email from my mom. I have been emailing her all morning telling her what's going on and asking for advice. She didn't get some of my emails until just now. Here is her response: (NOTE: My mother is very "for better, for worse" with Brian and I even though we are not married.) I finally got the emails. I don't think your relationship is over. It's obvious you both care a great deal about each for it to affect you so much. You need to talk and clear the air. 100% honestly is needed by both of you - always. After talking to you I tried calling him on his cell phone and your home phone. He called me back over the noon hour. He didn't sound right. I told him I hadn't really planned on taking the the ..Mom.. role, but he left me no choice. He was at the house and his friends were there. I told him they needed to leave and asked him just how well he knew them when he said they were his friends. He said ... I guess about as well as I know friends.... He sounded so lost and confused... I told him he shouldn't be doing this it wasn't good for him or for you and definitely not for your relationship. I told him I wanted those 'friends' gone before you came home from work. He said that he wasn't sure they would be gone yet and that you two could just go into the bedroom to talk. I told him no go, they need to be completely gone and that he wouldn't talk to you if the tables were turned. I told him that I said to call the police if they were still there when you got home. He said they weren't doing anything wrong and that it was OK that they were there. Kind of like he didn't have the strength to make them leave.... I said I didn't believe that and they need to leave and he needs to straighten out and talk to you. He sounded pretty meek. I told him I would call again to make sure he was OK. I hope you're not mad that I called him after we talked this morning. You had me worried too. I think he is not in good place either right now. So you two, need to stop working against each other and talk. I hope they are gone when you get home. I would really check things over to see if anything is missing or not right, because I think just about anybody could get away with anything in the condition he is in. Love always, Mom So, now I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just leave him in this state. I am afraid that if something bad happens, I will be blamed. I just want to escape.

I am definitely NOT one to give advice, but your post struck me because I have been having major sleep problems lately. Unlike you, I do know what is causing them...depression and anxiety related to the breakup with my live-in boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. Both can cause insomnia. I think that a thyroid problem can also cause some sleep disturbances. This is obviously affecting you deeply, physically, emotionally and mentally. Please go see a doctor, ASAP! There is no reason you need to suffer like this. I promise that you will find a great relief in just seeing someone and finding some form of action to take. I have taken Ambien twice in the last 2 weeks. I have very few left from an old prescription. They have not helped me lately because my sleep has been interrupted by a disturbing phone call, but in the past they worked very well. There is help out there for you. You do not need to accept this. Please keep us posted on what you find out. I'm praying you get some answers and sleep very soon. (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

OMG! I just don't know if I can handle this. He has called me three times at work since I last posted. He is at some woman's house with other people still doing coke and sounding all screwed up. The first time he called to tell me he was not going to work. I told him that he needed to go home NOW and clear his head and get away from this situation, that I was very worried about him. He said he was fine and that "they" were going over to OUR house soon. NOOOOO! This is SOOOOO not something I am comfortable with. He doesn't even know these people! This is making me just frantic and ill. I feel like I can not catch my breathe and my eyes are twitching; I can feel bile in my throat. He called me again during my lunch break and he said he wanted to talk, he needed to and though it would be good and that he would be able to. I told him that he needed to get himself home to rest and clear his head and that we would talk as soon as I get home at 4pm. He is still bring these people with him. This is a very bad situation. I feel like this is all my fault, that I have driven him to this, but I can't abandon him in this situation, but I don't know how to handle this!?!?! He called again during my lunch break and was very short that he was leaving. I asked if he was okay to drive and he said yes. I told him to call a cab, there was money in my dresser drawer to pay for it and to go home alone! He said these are nice, decent people and it would be fine. I asked him to at least if he couldn't do that, to put the animals away safe. I don't know what to do! I can not even describe what I am feeling like on the inside. Hope, I know you are probably at work and busy and not able to respond and I respect that. If anyone reads this, can you please reply with some sort of way to deal with this? I know that is a lot to ask.

No, I can not do a reconciliation. I had already determined that before these events. This just reaffirms my decision. I have looked at apartments in the area, basically just prices, where they are, etc...to give me an idea of what I need and can afford. All my co-workers are male and I have zero friends. It is so sad. This is why you never give your whole life to a man because when things fall apart you are left with nothing and no one to turn to in emergencies. To my knowledge this whole sexual thing has never happened before. Like many guys he has suggested a threesome (when drunk), but I never entertained the idea. I can not imagine where this has come from. I am just bewildered. What would possess him to do this? It won't change things between us, but my gawd, do I need to be concerned that he is having some sort of nervous breakdown?...or is he just a sadistic b@astard? Yes, he does seem like he is emotionless about all this. I don't know if it's because he's hurt and dealing with the pain this way, but I honestly wonder if it's out of retaliation for me hurting him, he's just being vindictive. He has always been somewhat closed off emotionally. But, we were always able to deal with important issues despite that. I am the complete opposite. I have no problems talking about my feelings. Since the breakup though, his lack of emotion seems extreme. I don't really want to talk about us. I feel as though it's past the point of closure for that. We do need closure on the practical matters. I don't even know how I will face him. I still feel nauseous.

Things have just gone from worse to sheer hell. We haven't really spoken much since he returned, the most being Sunday. He has pretty much taken the route of avoidance and passivity. On Monday he didn't get home until around 10pm. I hadn't talked to him all day and had no idea where he was, not that he has to answer to me though. He had been out with a couple of co-workers. I was outside when he came home and he came to talk with his usual fluff..."so and so said Hello, how was work...blah blah blah". I wasn't cranky with him, but just disinterested. He got miffed and just went to bed. Last night same thing. He doesn't come home and I don't hear a word from him. At around 9pm, I took an Ambien. I haven't taken one since before he was gone on vacation. The last 4 or 5 days I have been getting at most 2 hours of broken sleep a night. I had a feeling he was going to stay gone until he thought I was in bed like he had the night before, so I took one. At 1:40am the phone rang and it was him. He was DRUNK and I mean really drunk. He asked me what I was doing and I said sleeping! I asked him where he was and he said drinking at a bar with friends. Then he asked me if it was okay to bring some people back to the house to party. I said I didn't care, it's your house, do what you want, you don't need to ask my permission anymore. And then he's like well I just wanted to make sure it was okay. Huh?? I asked him who he was with and he just said "friends". Now, he doesn't really have any friends here, besides co-workers. I asked him if these were female "friends" because if he wanted some privacy I would leave. He said no, it's both and that he would call me to let me know. ?!?! He never called and 4 hours after Ambien and being woke up I found myself unable to go to sleep and in tears. Is he intentionally being cruel? Isn't avoiding me and abandoning me when I have no support system here cruel enough? So, this morning I called him at 6:30am to make sure he was up and was going to work. He did not come home. He answered and he sounded so weird and it scared me. (Brief history: A little over a year ago, there was 2 days that went by where he was just gone. I finally tracked him down and he had met up with an old friend and done coke. He was a mess. It is the only time I have seen him cry, he was so ashamed. He swore he wouldn't do it again.) He had this small voice, just like a year ago. I asked him if he was okay and where he was. He said he was fine and that he was in a room, a hotel room. I asked him if he was alone and he said yes, but I don't believe that. Then he was gone. I thought he had hung up on me. I got to work about 15 minutes ago and called him. I asked him if he was okay and he said yes. I asked him if he stayed in a hotel because he couldn't drive and he said yes. I told him he could have called for a ride and he said I know. Then he said he would call me back. ?!?! Someone was there I think. I didn't hear anyone, but why else hang up and want to call me back. So, he calls back and I again asked him if is okay because he doesn't sound right. And he said he's fine, just hung over. I asked him if he remembered calling me at 1:40am and he said yes, he wanted to make sure it was okay to bring people to our house. THEN, he proceeds to tell me he "was a good boy." HUH?! I asked him what he meant and he said "I just watched." And then "That's why I called, I was going to bring someone home for you. I know you are frustrated and he had a big ----." What the !+$)#*(!@? I told him that this is not what this is about. I told him I was concerned about his self-destructive behavior as of late and his avoidance of me. And that if it was too difficult to cope with coming home in my presense that I would make myself gone. Then he said that he just wanted to have fun, not that he was avoiding me and that he would be home tonight. Then he repeated, "I was a good boy though." And then asks me if I have been good. I seriously just wanted to vomit at this point. I said good how? Like am I seeing someone? And he said no, but have you been good? And his voice was cracking. I said like am I sleeping with someone and he said yes. I said NO, this isn't about sex. I then told him that we needed to talk and that maybe we could meet somewhere neutral tonight. The thought of discussing last night makes me want to throw up and cry. We need to talk about the mutual belongings and the pets. I have not approached any of this with him since he has been avoiding me. I am so confused and alone. I don't even know how to analyze what has happened and what the best route is from here. I mean, do I just leave immediately? I don't know where I would go except maybe a hotel. I have a credit card I could use, but the balance would add up quickly. I don't understand his behavior and I don't know if I want to. And why the heck is he concerned with whether I am sleeping with someone? Does he expect me to keep fidelity after we've broken up? I don't understand that! Not that I am even anywhere near considering dating or even a fling and not for a long time. Thanks for listening Hope, I know this is very long.

Thank you for your kind words beatless! I wish you the best of luck with your situation. You have joint dogs? That is really tough and I hope you are able to work something out. He came home around 7pm yesterday. He said that he got back into town around 3pm but met up with a coworker and had drinks. I guess he felt he needed the booze to deal with me?! He was friendly and talkative. He told me all about his trip, but I didn't ask questions and I tried to seem like I wasn't overly interested. I think it is better if he learns to stop relying on my for companionship. He made several comments while he was talking about work about how he isn't going to give his whole life to his employer anymore. Work consumes him and since we met I have tried to convince him to do things like take a lunch everyday and get out of the office, take 1 afternoon a week off to golf like the rest of management does, to take 3-4 times a year to go see his parents, etc...and he never would. Work comes first babe. That's what he always said. Now, he is telling me how he's going to start golfing once a week and taking time off and if they don't like it they can fire him. He mentioned numerous times how he doesn't care because he would just move back to Nebraska to work because there's nothing for him here. His exact words..."nothing left for me here." So that's fine, I can accept that. But, I can't pretend we are chums and give him support like I always have. He said to me last night, "if it's any consolation my parents loved you and...(then he drifted off, didn't finish and then said) you always treated me good, I wish you hadn't lied to me." The irony is that he has treated me better since we've broken up than he has in the last year. He is so much nicer and I guess it's probably all a mask to ease any guilt he feels. He even was being all considerate when he ran to the convenience store and then later when he was ordering Chinese for himself. Which he would rarely do either, since he always just expected me to handle the food thing and I did. I just wish he wouldn't be so nice. It's like he's the man I met almost 2 year ago, the one I fell in love with...not the one from a month ago who ignored me, fought with me and took me for granted. I'm trying to be strong, but it's too hard when he treats me like this.

I am under the influence of 2 Ambiens, taken 45 minutes ago, I can not be held responsible for mindless chatter and spelling errors. LOL So, I have not heard from Brian for 2 days. The last time we talked he said he was going to call me in the evening so I could balance his checkbook. He never called, not that night, not the next day. I called him last night to see if he wanted tickets to the Reds game in 2 weeks. He is always dying to go and one of the vendors at work offered me two tickets. I was going to offer them to Brian making it clear he should take a friend or co-worker. He never called back. So, after a very emotional day I came to this realization that it's not going to work, he doesn't want it to. Whether was trying NC to help himself heal, or to punish me or whatever. A good girl friend of mine in Chicago thinks that he is only being nice and chatty to subside his guilt for us being over. She is probably right. So, I had a terrible terrible day. I burst into tears about a dozen times, couldn't eat and just felt so tired I barely worked today. I have not slept more than 3-4 hours a night in weeks. Tonight I took 2 Ambiens at 9pm and decided to get a well-deserved 10 hours sleep. I was so looking forward to the sleep. I kept thinking "tomorrow people won't say I look soooo tired." LOL Then the phone rings, 45 minutes later and I am already OUT! I answer it and I'm sure I sounded like I was drunk or strung out. He was on the other end, which I did't expect. HELLO?? In this really upbeat cutesy voice. He's like "what are you doing?" I said sleeping. And then he apologized with "sorry babe, I forgot it's later there." Yeah uhh huh. So I said "do you need something?" And he got quiet and said well I have my receipts, but if you're too tired I can just do it myself if you tell me the balance. I told him I was already up, so let's just get it over with. Finished that... Then he told that he probably wouldn't be back until Sunday because they are moving his grandma to a nursing home. I said I had assumed he wouldn't be home until then especially with what's going on. And he was like what do you mean? I said well I didn't figure you would be real eager to get back sooner than necessary for work. And he was like Oh, well uhh, I have a lot of work to do so I wanted to have all day Sunday at home. Great! That means a very long day of shopping for me. Then I told him about these baseball tickets that I got from a vendor and offered them to him to use with a friend. And he goes well, we can still go together. I just said I doubt it, you take someone else. He still wants them though. Then he asks how "everyone was" meaning the animals. I said fine, but our kitten, Ditto, is becoming a pain due to testerone surges and needs fixed ASAP. I told him that he will need to get Ditto in to the vet next week. He said, "yeah, we'll get that done when I get back." So, that's that. Another odd/forced/nicey-nice conversation. The forced being on my part...the odd and nice HIM. I had a really awful day emotionally. I am almost in panic for his return and not in a good way. I wish I were gone, out of here and wouldn't have to face him. I don't know how to act around him. I am so tired right now and wondering if I'm going to even be able to sleep now that I've been up for so long after taking that. Decipher Dr. Hope, lol.

He gets back on Saturday, at least that was his original plan before we broke up. That way we could spend Sunday together before we both go back to work, so who knows, he may not get back until Sunday. And I just realized that I don't have a preference and that's an odd feeling. Cinder, my Lab is black. She's a doll and I don't know what I would do without her. She's been the only constant thing in my life for the last 8 years. She is certainly enjoying him being gone because it means lots of walks, trips to PetsMart and the dog park. LOL Thank GOD she was not a joint venture because I could never give her up. We also have two cats (Ditto and Bandit), one of which we just adopted 2-3 months ago. Bandit was mine when I met Brian and Brian who was a self-professed cat hater fell in love with him. He asked me last week which cat I was taking, implying that he wanted one I guess. Well, they are buddies (the cats and Brian) and I don't think it's right to separate them. Another thing is all these appliances. They are all mine. The washer/dryer/fridge/stove. Before we moved in together his appliances were included with his apartment. I've always had pets, hence a house and had to buy my own appliances. I don't know how to handle that either because I feel really bad leaving him with no appliances. We have other joint items like a grill, digital camera, computer, etc... Obviously, if we are over he still has to sit and discuss THIS with me. Thanks again! And selfish me, I forgot to tell you congratulations on your renewed relationship. I wish you the best of luck!

I wish I was close enough to my parents for that. If that was the case, I would already be gone. They live 4 states and 900 miles away. She's a Lab, not huge, but not a beagle, lol. He will not let me leave her behind. He works 14 hours a day and would just see her as a nuisance. It wouldn't be fair to either of them. I am more angry with how he is handling this than anything and you are right that I feel he owes me more than a phone break up. That is such a childish way to deal with things of this nature. I do really love him. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here whining and confused about this, lol. I don't feel like he owes it to me to work this out as some sick punishment for hurting me after what I've given up. Because I've hurt him too, so that's not fair. I do really love him and I can't imagine my life without him. Can I forgive him? Yes. I'm really not angry with him so much as the situation and the way he's dealing with it. I am hurt and frustrated and I think that comes accross as anger online, but it's not really how I feel. Yes, he was hard to live with at times, but I've always accepted that's the way he is and it wasn't anything that was unbearable. We didn't fight alot. When we did, it would basically be me talking calmly, until he would get upset, lose his temper and then I would get emotional. It always blew over in a day or so and eventually we would both apologize and talk calmly about it. No other real problems in the relationship. Thanks again Hope!

No, I don't have any friends nearby. A roommate situation would be fine, but I have a dog who is 8 years old, that I am not willing to get rid of. At this point, yes, I would like to work things out. But I have to know where he stands and I need to talk to him face to face. I am angry with the way he has handled this whole situation, it's very avoidant and I expect more than that after 2 years together and a 900 mile move. I spoke to a friend of his on the phone last night who called and told him everything. I have started packing and filled a couple more boxes last night. I tell my mother this and she's like "you're making a mistake, he'll flip when he sees the boxes." Well WTF am I supposed to do? He told me he wants me to move out in a month or whatever, I have to start packing. She thinks seeing the boxes will just upset him more and make him not want to reconcile. I don't know if I agree with that. On another note, he said he was going to call me last night...and never did. I don't know if he is just playing games or too proud to admit he wants to talk to me or if I'm just so insignificant to him he doesn't need to stand by his word. He claimed he wanted to be friends, but I mean come on, even friends call when they say they will. I do want to work things out because I think that the good we have overpowers the bad. I could accept this being over, though it would crush me, if we actually sat down and talked calmly about his feelings. I just don't want to write this off and have regrets that I didn't try hard enough. And I don't think I could stand it if I left and months later he came back wanting to get back together.

That totally makes sense and was what I was thinking. I don't want to talk about us over the phone. He broke up over the phone and we freaking live together!?! The only conversations we've had about us is over the phone. The one time I tried to talk to him face to face at home, he just blew up and walked away. I know you are right and I should just go with the flow this week over the phone when we do talk. I refuse to call him, I don't have a reason to. If he wants to call that's fine, but I would rather it just be business...you know, did I get any mail, etc...that sort of thing. I don't want to be all chatty, discussing his golf game and the damn weather. Does he want to talk to me? Probably, but is it just out of habit and familiarity? I did not look for other living arrangements here yet. I did manage to do some packing and thinning out of my belongings so that when I do move, it's easier. I also set up our spare bedroom and moved my clothing, etc...into there so that I can sleep in there when he gets back. I don't think I would stay here in Ohio if it were really over. There is nothing here for me. My entire family and friends are in Nebraska. I only moved here to be with him.