mical

20 hours ago, EdnaMarie35 said:

This is true, it really isn’t about the porn. I’m hip to the “all guys watch it” and I watch it from time to time as well. It’s the way I described how it happens and how it makes me feel about myself. Before reading some of the responses I honestly thought to myself that this is my problem, it’s what I’m creating in my head, what’s the big deal really? And I guess it just comes down to I can’t help the way I feel, I just need to learn to cope and I am struggling with that. Thank you for your honest opinion

No prob 🙂 maybe he just needs a little “encouragement” to give reassurance every once a while 

I don’t think the issue is about porn, but that you either don’t trust him or worry he doesn’t care as much, in which case you should let him know that you feel this way.

I was curious what % of people watch porn and came across this - “73 percent of women and 98 percent of men reported internet porn use in the last six months, for a total of 85 percent of respondents. For porn use within the last week, the numbers were lower: 80 percent of men and 26 percent of women.”

I didn’t expect the numbers to be so high for women. Lots of naughty people out there! 😆 

2 hours ago, ThrowAway2022 said:

we are meeting on a park near her home (it's a crowded place if that matters).

 

Hopefully she (or potentially he) doesn’t offer you candy 🍭 🍬 to go inside the home..

Im getting a weird creepy vibe from this person.

I remember once when I was 12 I was at the beach and this older rough looking guy with tattoos asked if I knew how to fix a speedometer on a bicycle and said it is in his van (blue with no windows). There was another weird looking guy standing by a bush beside the van. No I didn’t go….

Always trust your intuition if something seems off.

So what’s really missing though? 

She sounds like a kind, happy, positive person. 

What do you wish she would be more like exactly? 

Or is it more that you are just not that into her? 

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I believe she overreacted and should have as I wrote above express how she felt as opposed to insulting: "I felt frustrated when I chose something else for dinner to let you have my first choice, and now you say you don't want it after all.  I already ate and those leftovers weren't going to be good after today so now they are wasted and I would have enjoyed them."  Then they can actually talk about it.  And/or she decides to calm down/cool off and talk later.  That's another mature approach.  

On his end I believe he is not taking her concerns seriously enough -the underlying concerns about his behavior.

Exactly you are completely right. There’s nothing wrong with saying you are not happy / a little sad about something and would appreciate if xyz is done next time which would make you feel better / more appreciated.

Then any reasonable person would be inclined to respond something like “I’m sorry dear, of course, didn’t mean to hurt your feelings etc. I appreciate you making that and next time I’ll xyz…”

11 hours ago, Lookingforadvice7777 said:

HUH? I'm totally at a loss. He's selfish (!) for not wanting her leftovers on second thought? Huh??? He literally gave the food back to her. Eating a bite from the food doesn't ruin the food. They've lived together for a year, I'm sure they've eaten after each other a million times I'm sure. Lol, this is so funny.

To me, in that scenario, you did nothing wrong. Your girlfriend sounds like she reacts over the top to situations.

Exactly!

She repeatedly insults him with words like IDIOT and has constant angry outbursts and OP is told to instead do more chores and cooking and cleaning 🧹 🧼 🧽 

If I were OP I would say 

“Please don’t talk to me unless you can in a mature and nice way. We are both adults capable of mature communication.

The yelling, angry outbursts and shouting IDIOT has got to stop. 

From now on I’ll cook for myself.”

5 hours ago, bbogdanov said:

I ate a little bit but didn't really enjoy it this time so I got myself something else from the fridge. She got mad

If you don’t like something you DONT have to eat it. Just be polite  about it…

The last girl I lived with was pretty much vegetarian and I’m more a carnivore that can eat steak 🥩 for breakfast lunch and dinner…

There were many times she would ask if I want some risotto and I’d just politely decline and have something else (I don’t like to rice) She’d usually smile or laugh about it and we’d still have a dinner together and all was fine. She really likes Prosecco so I’d at least have that with her. She was such a cool awesome nice girl!!

But I “briefly” dated someone prior that would nag and nag and nag about the most trivial things and had a temper, so let’s just say I’m so happy I quickly ended that relationship!!

5 hours ago, bbogdanov said:

She is really raging in such moments

Sounds like she has anger management issues 

5 hours ago, bbogdanov said:

she hates distancing and gets even angrier.

 

That sounds horrible 

5 hours ago, bbogdanov said:

she has this habit of bursting out almost incontrollably and sometimes uses insulting words (there was once a case where she called me "idiot",

 

Very unacceptable.

My boss said anytime his wife starts to argue with him says “you can go argue with yourself” and goes for a long motorcycle ride 😂😂😂

It’s quite common to feel an attraction for someone other than your partner (you’ll notice this is a common theme even in this forum)

But what matters is how you act on those feelings and being accountable.

You wrote a long post, but here are some of the things you wrote:

- I've betrayed my boyfriend/fiancée

- I can't understand why I did what I did. 

- I guess I liked the attention because it made me feel attractive

-We kept flirting, 

- I cared about him 

- I admit I was drunk and flirting and leading him on

- He kept trying to kiss me and I finally gave in. 

- I got drunk again, and he kept telling me all these sweet things 

- We ended up having sex that night, and I enjoyed it

- I couldn't tell my bf because I didn't want to hurt him. Not to mention I didn't want to ruin us moving in together and sabotage our entire relationship. 

So you admitted to having sex with another guy and “enjoying it”

That’s cheating.

This is starting to remind me of a Kevin Samuels episode..

Im out as well!!

Ahh read too fast sorry! He’s just shy and likes you that’s all 

Yes it’s possible to have intense feelings for someone other than your wife.

It’s nobody’s fault really. But just because something feels good doesn’t mean you should go ahead with it.

Friday evening I received a text message that said “Love you ♥️ “ from a woman that just had her wedding earlier that day.

Out of a scale from 1 to 100 I am attracted to this person 1000…

It hurts but I know what the right thing is and that’s not to be involved with this person, so I keep my distance…

So yes, you can have very intense feelings for somebody to the point you feel they are your “soulmate” but if you can justify following emotions while causing pain to other people and destroying their lives, well then there’s no limit…

I think if you are strong enough in character you can walk away no matter how tough it is. 

A guy I know is married to a great girl but is obsessed with his coworker. He can’t help it and said it’s like an addiction. He even rented a studio beside the office so they could meet up during lunch and hookup and she just had a baby and suspects the child is actually his…crazy stuff. 

Regarding jealousy…

There is a positive form of jealousy that is essential to relationships.

If a husband would say to his wife, “it’s ok you can have a boyfriend”, he’s no husband and that is not a marriage and that is not a relationship.

So in a sense of course you have to be jealous. 

Where there is love there is jealousy just like where there is love there is fear - when you have something precious, there is the fear of losing it and jealousy when it is compromised.

(Just like anger can be terrible, but if it is moral outrage then it is very good. If you are not upset when something is immoral, then you don’t have a moral impulse.)

if a husband spends so much time at work and out drinking with the ‘hot new girl’ from the office that he is never at home - his wife shouldn’t care? That shouldn’t  bother her?  Of course it should..

Anyway, I’d suggest being more sympathetic and understanding to your boyfriend’s feelings. If his feelings don’t matter to you, then I would consider ending it..

On 6/7/2022 at 6:22 PM, lshopeful17 said:

I don’t disagree but since we work together I’m trying to tread a bit carefully at the moment

Good idea. If I were you I wouldn’t even initiate anything by text with a coworker. Maybe for organizing a lunch with others but that’s maybe it.

When she comes by your workspace or messages you first then of course carry on as usual and if you can make her smile / laugh even better.

I suspect if she likes you she’ll try and be close to you in some way.. 

46 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

. Opens doors 

Yes but don’t forget if it’s a restaurant or pub the man should walk in FIRST to have a look 👀 and protect the woman from any danger!  

23 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

he whispered to me that we should practice the KISS principle.  I asked what this meant, and he replied "Keep It Simple". 

Now that’s a man with a plan! 🤦‍♂️ 

35 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I met a famous YouTube Canadian pick up artist last summer during an expat party. Oh boy... The way he talked about women was just so degrading. He told other men that they can get whatever woman they want and that all women think the same.

Oh I know! And it’s lame when you hear them pushing guys to act and be like an “alpha” whatever that is and they can get any woman this way.

I was at the gym and this guy was trying to act all tough and had a tattoo that said “ALPHA DAWG” 🐩  so perhaps he was watching too many of these ‘dating gurus’ 🤣🤣

9 hours ago, electricorchid said:

he's an online dating coach himself I can't help but wonder if this is exactly WHY he's single. 

Not all dating coaches are long-term relationship coaches. He could be a player.

You never met in person and are not even dating, so I wouldn’t do anymore confronting him about his planning / assertiveness. 

I’d also suggest dating men in your local area and avoid any online dating gurus.

It’s time to be accountable for your own actions.

If you play with fire you will get burned.

Attraction doesn’t just happen overnight, you knew what was going on for a while.

I understand it’s difficult when you have feelings for someone, but that’s why it’s important to be accountable and set healthy boundaries, even with how you interact with others.

I had a terrible experience over a year ago with this “friend” from a language exchange that lied to me she was a single mother. She was drop dead gorgeous and I fell in love. I found out she was deceptive and living with another man and there is no way I would steal another man’s 5 month old child and woman from him.

So I have been ignoring her texts for over a year. She wrote two days ago she is getting married this Saturday and if I want her to let her know and she will cancel the wedding, but I will ignore her and not respond …and not ruin a family. 

So it’s best to walk away while you can and realize it’s normal to develop feelings for another person, but it’s how you respond that matters.

Break it off with her. This lie is probably only one of many.

(also anyone who thinks you shouldn’t be bothered is strange)

She will fight tooth and nail to keep you, so be prepared for that…

But you can’t change a deceptive person they will only get a bit better at either not lying so much or hiding it.

Peace of mind is everything. You won’t have that with this person.

You can still love your family but keep distance due to them treating you badly and it’s perfectly fine.

I also agree with others saying you could talk to a therapist. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, they are professional like a counsellor, with years of experience dealing with and diagnosing people that cause harm to others (not you) and strategies on how to deal with such people.

Im not a psychologist but I suspect your mother may have some form or narcissism. I came across a person recently in my workplace that is a malignant narcissist and I came across this website / YouTube channel called Surviving Narcissism, which helped me understand the mindset of such a person and best strategies to deal with them and have peace of mind.

30 minutes ago, Tailz said:

 he doesnt do ANYTHING for me ever...

You mentioned he is “loving and kind” towards you.

Can you think of the loving and kind things he has done?

My guess is maybe you just aren’t attracted as much to him since he seems lonely and with baggage as you mentioned, and for this reason all the little things you don’t like about him are starting to creep up… 

tough situation ..but I guess it’s better to be with someone positive who has their life together…

I once dated someone who had depression and anxiety issues and my life is 100 better since I left  (for a different reason) now that I look back on it…

and now one of my major criteria for dating someone new is if they are optimistic/happy….

We can help others but it’s not our job to fix them..

Love isn’t about keeping a record or score.

I don’t think you love him to be honest.

He was like this when you met him  and it’s taken a year? Hmm

Just leave him and find someone who is better with their finances if that’s important for you. 
 

But remember, nobody is perfect and you will always have pros and cons no matter what…

I’d rather be with a woman that is kind and loving with no savings than vice versa 😉

Just say today to her - “Are we officially boyfriend and girlfriend?” and you’ll know.

It’s a simple yes or no answer.

Any answer that deviates from this and is is wishy-washy is probably a no..

My tip with dealing with toxic coworkers is the “grey rock approach” which is to be so boring and neutral like a rock…

They’ll realize they can’t get a reaction from you and leave you alone .

I had to deal with the most nastiest narcissistic malicious person ever and just used this and it helped … because I knew she got off on seeing reactions from others so I never gave her that satisfaction by being a boring…gray…rock

I think even with this situation there’s still lots of goodness in people being so generous and caring. 

A friend of a friend was at the border recently and seen this family from Ukraine rolled down his window of his car and said - “here take my money I want to help.”

The person from Ukraine said thanks but he didn’t need the money, and the the guy trying to help kept saying “take it! Take it! take my money!” and seemed almost a bit offended 🙂

So that’s also a world we live in where people can be so generous and caring they get offended when strangers won’t take their money 🙂