greenmint

a year ago i did some stupid things that resulted in two criminal misdemeanors. i was very emotionally sick and beaten down at the time and under the influence of a horrible disgusting person. i couldn't hold a job, i couldn't do anything, i could barely walk a block without being extremely tired,i was trapped in hell. my life was a nightmare. once that person left, i began to recover. as i got healthier i became horrified by the decisions i had been making. i was disgusted and repulsed by how low i sunk. he broke me......he was my worst enemy but pretended he was a friend. i realized i was responsible for my decisions (even though it was a result of his direct influence) and that i had to rebuild my life from scratch. what im asking about now is how are background checks done? what jobs will do background checks and how will i know? what can i do about my misdemeanors? i am a good person and i am intelligent and talented and i work hard. but even time i apply for a job i am so worried and depressed and i feel like i should just give up and fall apart because im afraid they will check and i will not get chances or opportunities. i am afraid i wont be able to be sucessful. i can't forgive myself. i am ashamed. i feel sad. i feel angry. and i am afraid that good opportunities will be denied to me. i am worried i wont be able to advance and get better and better jobs. i dont feel i deserved this. i know i am responsible for myself but i also know if i had never met him then i would never have fallen like this. he destroyed me and i dont know if i can rebuild and rewin and rewin back my life. i dont want him to win because i know he got a lot of glee and satisfaction manipulating me, controlling me and breaking me down bit by bit. he was happy everytime i was hurt or destroyed a little more. everything he did to me was on purpose, his choice, and that is what hurts. i was not a human being to him, not even a person. i was trash. i can't let someone like that win. i must be better, i must be successful. what should i do? i would appreciate good career advice, good general advice and success advice and background check advice and any other advice. thanks. i am not sure if anyone will understand but it has been very difficult and i feel very very sad about all of it. truly regretful and very depressed when i think about it.

im afraid and i have a little bit of a mind block about it. i have a name that i was born with and which my family calls me by. and then i "picked" a english name so that i would have one. this was years ago and obviously i was young and stupid and randomly picked. now i really don't like it. i like my name that i was born with BUT do not want strangers and ppl, who aren't close to me calling me by that name. so i have to find another english name. i feel scared and depressed when i think about it. i guess im afraid ppl will ridicule me or think im stupid or weird for changing it. i hate it when ppl talk bad about me and they've done this alot. this is where the discomfort comes from. what do you guys think i should do? how should i think about this? what action should i consider? thanks for your advices.

i want to change my first name because i dont like it and i dont identify with it. i always want to cringe because i feel it's not me. yet i answer to the name. what should i do? won't it be weird if i change it?? how do i deal with friends/family/other ppl about this? how do i handle this?

any idea how i can look for good internships in my area?? thanks for your help guys... i feel a little better. still depressed but...i'll keep looking.

i've found out i was rejected from several jobs i applied for. i was feeling good about those jobs. i thought i did well at the interviews but go figure. i am a little depressed and now feel like life will always be screwing me in the ass. i can feel my dreams slipping away. these jobs weren't even very high level or anything, im a little down. what should i do? sigh. i am sad.