broken_angel

"loving someone is one thing and being in love is another. i dont think you two are in love with each other... sooo u gotta let go.... and everytime u discover he has a lie on you.. u continue to love himm... there is somethign seriously wrong with you .. a psychological problme or childhood history that makes u this way,.. or some unexplained part which means all this advice to you hs no meanign because u cant even see or realise the obvious. sorry for the harsh words but thats the way it is.. you are not really lookign for advice on this situation u probably wanted methods of how to get him back.. its ur choice how much of ur respect u wanna lose and how much u wanna be truthful yourself. " I did see and realize the obvious hence why i fnally decided to walk away and stop letting him play with my emotiions, by stringing me along and using me the way he did. And though all these feelings have come back I have decided to respect myself and not call him and just stay away. Because i do realize how toxic he is to me. And i can't claim to be an agel through all of this either but i wont' say anything about that because everyone will just think I'm making excuses for his behavior and I'm not. But though I am angry at him, it still hurts and I don't understad these feelings. Feelings that if I know he's done me wrong and continues to do wrong to others; I know i should hate him and want to stay away from him but I can't help but still love him. Love, hurt, anger and disapointment are all different and don't effect one another though they do have an affect. So at this point i don't want to try and get him back but I do love him and would like another chance to fix what we once had if that's even possible. But i know that it isn't me that has to aproach him about it. Because i didn't do anything wrong. ANd now respect myself enough to know that he would have to show me that he is worthy of having me back in his life. And that i do deserve better than what he has shown me and that just as he did me wrong it was me who allowed him to. But since these feelings came back I can't help but wonder if I'm still in love with him. In no way I'm I condoning his behavior towards me but people make mistakes and I can't help but wonder if he can change or be different like he was when we first met. I don't want to be with someone who lies, cheats and doesn't care for anyone but himself. I'm a person of my word adn when i say i love somone i really mean it. And as far as love goes it doesn't really go away. It doesn't mean I'm ablivious to him I am still angry, disapointed and most of all hurt. So your words aren't harsh, I understand them completely and have heard them all before from myself. Point is I know love changes but it's a year later and it's still there even after all he's done. So no i don't need a method on how to get him back because I'm better than that. If things were to come aobut it would have to be from him. I guess what i want to know is if in anyway shape or form should I let him know this is how I'm feeling. Or would that be something that would boost his ego and reason for him not to change and think that I'm being pathetic and that he still has me like that. Because I get from a lot of people to just be honest and do and say what you feel and to follow your heart and it won't steer you wrong, but it has before so now I just try and use my head and know that if i respect myself i wouldn't think twice about him and haven't for a while, except for now. ANd my heart still feels for him even through all the f*uck ups I still see the person I loved before we broke up. SO what do i do with those feelings? What's the cure time yea it's been a year and it hurts more now. Keep busy? i couldn't be busier working 50 + hours a week seeing someone and helping and being arounf my family every chance I get and sleeping aides and still my mind finds time to think of him. Thoughts and feeling of hate anger hurt and still in the end Love. ????????/

Thanks everyone for the advice. I know that he hasn't been the best to me. But like I said I still love him and I tried to move on and thought i was doing well and out of the blue the memories the feeling all came back after i thought i was done with him. He wasn't always like this and I know somewhere inside of him there's a good person the person i feel in love with 6 years ago. "3. He continues to cheat with you, getting you pregnant twice, (why weren't you using protection???? You knew he was with other people! not smart!) did that change anything? NO, he is still with his gf. " We didn't use protection for 6 years together and he said he wasn't sleeping with her yet. Which i found out later was a lie. And nothing ever happened before we thought it was a fluke. As far as my cat. I guess when i get my own place I'l go brab him till then i just hope his mom takes care of him

Hey there I'm new here anythign anyone has to say would really help. Well it goes like this I was with my ex for 6 years We broke up in april or march of last year. When we broke up he had a new girlfriendwithin 2 days. Of course I didnt' know that when I called to ask him to get back together. What kills me is that the perosn that i loved and that i thought loved me for 6 years could just forget what we had in 2 days. I Was away at school when all this happened so i couldnt' really go see him but i drove the 8 hours to try and fix it. Well I went to see him even though he had a girlfriend and we ended up sleeping together but then afterwards he siad it didn't change anything that he was with someone else and it was only 2 weeks after our break up. I was so hurt. Then he said that we'd have to wait and see what happened because it was his really good friend and co-workers little sister nad he couldn't just f*ck her over. We tried to stay friend since he had our cat from when we lived together I always went to visit my cat him or his family and every time I ended up sleeping with him. IT was always either just sleeping in the same bed or having sex. A whoel slew of thing shappened since then two lost pregnancies him being a complete jerk his girlfriend finding out he cheated and taking him back and then after all that we still slept together a few days before Christmas we didn't go all the way it would have but I had just lost our son and figured I was just looking for something to make me feel better and I knew in the long run it wouldn't. After that we kept in contact and slowly just started pulling away I gues his girlfriend didn't trust us around eachother. Which is compeltely understandalbe. She doens't know that we were intimate around the holidays though either. Then around my birthday in february I couldnt' keep our cat with me any longer so iw as goign to go drop him off and it was planned for a while that the cat was coming back. ON my way back to my place to get Kitty's stuff together to drive him up to my ex's house i call him and he say sit isnt' a good idea I completely lost it. I lost ihm i lost all together 3 children because I wasn't healthy enough or stable enough to carry them becasue i was so hurt over him and now He wants me to give away my cat. IT seems minimal but in the whole skew of things it was just another knife to the heart. Finally he came and picked him up and said it would be ok for me to visit. I told him to call me when he got hom cause it was late and he never did. So i caleld him cause i was worried and he said that his girlfriend left him and if i was satisfied I felt so hurt. I never once wanted to get in the way of what they had. That's why i tried to walk away so many time in august and in december. It hurt to know that everytime he cheated on her if she found out it would hurt. I hated myself for it. And that's why after that I had no contact with him for the last 3 months. I ddin't want him to blame me for anything that went wrong in his life. I knew she would take him back so I haven't spoken to him but I'm sure they got back together casue she didnt' leave him when he cheated on her and got my pregnant twice I think she can deal with my cat. But that's just a recap of what happened. Now my dilema is I've been seeing this guy for a 2 months and thought I was happy with him. I hadn't thought about my ex and have maintained N/C and I've been fine. I got off my a** stopped feeling sorry for myself and made plans to head back to school and finsih my internship and get my diploma and the guy I'm seeing even wants to come with me I thought that was a bit much but he does want to head to graduate school and my school is a pretty good one. I told him to do what he wanted but not to think that we're going to play house cause I've done that already with my ex and he left me with an apartment full of furniture and no roomate to find a better job closer to home because he wouldn't find anything in upstate NY. Mind you he's working at a retail store I think you can do that just about anywhere. But anyways. Ever since I woke up this monday I haven't been able to stop thinking about my ex. I feel like I miss him. I almost went up there twice. His mom said it would be more than ok. Just to make sure everything was ok I called his mom and she said everyone was fine including my kitty but that my kitty missed me and he's been a bit skittish and affraid to be alone. So i dunno what to think of it. All i do is cry and I've been dying to call him and hear his voice but i know I can't cause I'll fall apart again. I know I'll be up there in august before i go back to school to say bye to his mom and see my kitty. And next month I'll be in Jamaica so hopefully I won' t think of him. I want him back and my biggest fear is that I get so involved with another person and he's gona come back and i'll be left to choose and i don't want to do that. I dont' want to hurt anyone. I love my ex very much and if anythign ever happened to him or anyone around him I'd be devastated. I love him so much that I still see a future together. I have no idea how he feels jsut that he said we'd have to see what happens when we're both single. And I know I want him back but i refuse to call him I stood around for too long and let him hurt me it's his turn if he ever want's to that is call me to see me. I just want to know if that's the right decision what do I do. Should i just say F*ck it and call him and tell him how i feel or willt hat push him away? Help!!!!