autumn_darling

thank you soooooooooooooo much, you have no idea how much that helps

alright, im a woman who is in the middle of this right now... im mostly doing it because im just not ready to settle down yet... being only 15 and all... and truthfully... he kinda scares me... he loves me... theres so much i could lose if i totally give myself to him... and i suppose im cutting it off also because im so close to that point... oh god... i just worked out why im so messed up... darn...

alright.... thank you... ehehehe this is so difficult.... im only 15 and this is my first relationship... hes talking about being with me for the rest of his life and it scares me....

alright... so here is the deal... my boyfriend broke up with me... a while ago... and now he wants us to get back together... but thing is... I'm not sure if I want to get back together with him... since he broke up with me I've just been feeling its time to move on and see other guys... *sigh* and now just recently I screwed up real good and ended up going out to another guy's place (when I was supposed to be thinking about what I wanted to happen in our relationship, and I suppose I was in a evil sort of way) and one thing lead to another and I ended up giving him a blowjob... I didn't do it to hurt him or anything... I suppose I did it just to seal my fate... it was really impulsive... and I know what I did was wrong... but... I... I don't regret it... at all... and now... I've told him about going to the guys house and not wanting to get back together but he wont let things go... and I just don't know if we should keep at this or if we should just let it drop... See we have had an on and off relationship for a year and almost a half now and there has been a lot of stress and everything... and I love him... I... I really do (yeah I know you're all laughing now) but I really don't think this relationship is healthy anymore... so I'm torn between my heart and my brain.... My heart says to keep trying... but my brain is telling me just move on and let this go.... If anyone can get anything from this and help me a bit without making me feel like a total (insert swear word here) for what I did that would be really cool... I feel like a real fool posting this because he has already posted and I just... god I hate myself for what I did to him...