Please excuse the length of this post, but my story is rather long. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and have lived together for the past 9 months. Last September, early in the morning he got a call on his cell phone. I'm not sure why, but I was suspicious, and I checked his call log. There were several messages to/from one number saying things like "I miss you", and "I love you". I confronted him, and at first he denied anything until I told him how I had found out. He got very angry at me for snooping, and finally admitted he had been communicating and occasionally seeing (supposedly not having sex) with a woman he had met just before he met me. He said he it was over, they were just friends, and he was going to tell me, but couldn't find the right time.
We worked through it, but I continued to see her number on our cell phone bill; at one point he was calling her almost every day. He told me she was very fragile and had low self esteem, and he was the only person she could talk to. He told me he would quit talking to her so much, and I didn't find any more calls on our bill, but he has multiple work cell phones so I could never be completely sure he wasn't contacting her in other ways.
About a month ago I found out that he has been in contact with her, and that she had been responsible for getting him a coaching job at her school. He said they would just see each other in the hall at school, and that he didn't feel it was right to ignore her, since she was responsible for getting him the job.
It bothers me, but he seems sincere, and up until last week I thought things were going well with us. I'll admit, I still have some major trust issues, and last week he left one of his work cell phones at home. Early in the morning the phone rang with an area code I didn't know, and I was concerned it might be someone wanting to get in touch with him about his aunt who recently had a stroke. So I jotted down the number and I IM'd it to him. He told me that number was from a friend of his named Louie.
A couple of days later, that number appeared on his cell phone again, this time with a voicemail. I did an awful thing and I listened to the voicemail (for some reason he didn't have it password protected), and it turns out it was from a woman (NOT the same woman who got him the coaching job) saying she was hoping to get a hold of him so they could chat. I didn't say anything to him because I don't want him to know I listened to his voicemail, but a couple of days ago the number appeared on his phone again.
So this morning I called the number and a woman answered, I asked to speak to Louie (just in case my suspicions were unfounded and the number really was for his friend Louie), and she said I must have the wrong number. I IM'd my boyfriend (it's difficult for either of us to talk at work) and asked him why he lied to me (I didn't tell him I heard the voicemail, I just told him I had called the number and asked for Louie and a woman had answered). He acted like he didn't know who's number it was, and he got very angry at me for "snooping" and for calling a number off his cell phone. He said we'll talk more about it tonight when he gets home.
My problem is that I feel very ashamed for listening to that voicemail, and I'm afraid that I'll eventually have to tell him I violated his trust by listening to his private message. But I also feel violated by the times he broke my trust, especially after I caught him in this latest lie. I'm confused, ashamed at my behavior, and not sure what to do.
