shaggygrrl

Thank you all! I was still a little shy to call my friends, but here you are, complete strangers, taking the time to read my posts and console me! I have no idea how I can thank you!! Thank you thank you thank you!!! I think, after reading your suggestions, I will hold up writing him until at least after the weekend. I think I would prefer to write him with a cool head. And gersanos, you are absolutely right, I'm sure he has a version of what happened, else, I don't think he'd feel so sad about our separation. Sometimes, I'd ask myself why was I so sad when he seemed so happy? In a sense, I may have told him how I felt, and a part of me knew that he didn't always understand, so a part of me thinks that I should have changed the way I brought the message. But thank you for bringing this under another light. Missy M, you are such a sweetheart! You sound like my best friend, she's so caring, and fiercely loyal! She has been telling me the same things you have (of course I had a had time believing her because I thought she was biased! ). I guess it's a girl thing...

Actually, he did ask for the reasons why I left him. He felt like he didn't understand why those reasons would compel me to leave him. He said they were trivial, and that after all the sacrifices we both went through, we could overcome them. I told him that they hurt me, made me feel worthless, and left me scarred and rancorous. I told him that it may seem trivial for him, but he's always known they were important for me. But we've broken up before for about the same reasons and at the time, we both made promises to work on the things which were troubling our relationship. I think that I did my very best to comply to our pact, because I didn't want him to feel like our relationship was not worth the effort. I wanted this to work, because I Loved him, and I wanted to be with him. I so much wanted it, that sometimes I would convince myself that I was too demanding, that I needed to give more, that he didn't want to do some of the things he promised because he was uneasy, so I should understand him. I even asked him if he was happy with me, if I was a good enough girlfriend. When I get the chance to tell him how I felt, I would tell him. Whether I would be happy or sad, content or hurt. He's always had a hard time deciphering people, so I tried to make it easy for him to understand me. However, I think, towards the end of our relationship, I just felt burnt and I wrongfully withdrew myself. I had told him that I was sad about some things, and very disappointed about others. When I explain why I was hurt, he would apologize and explain his actions. But the communication problem was so difficult to overcome, because even though he would apologize, he didn't understand why it hurt so much. I didn't know that he didn't understand so I'd feel even more hurt if it occurred again! Thank you for your empathy. I personally was devastated when I realized that Love wasn't going to save us this time around. I didn't want to believe it! I truly truly hope that we will one day be able to speak to eachother again. But not if it would hurt him more than it already does.

Thank you Miss M... I felt guilty to have compared the feeling of loosing my ex with loosing my father. I thought I was an ungrateful daughter to have felt that way. I'm sorry if I sound stubborn, but what if reply to him something like: I'm sorry he's hurt, but that I've been hurt too, and that I would really appreciate cutting all communications until we are both healed from this. He's a really good guy, and for him to have said such hurtful things, he must have been through a really hard patch. I would've been shy to call up my friends again, to ask for some support. They've been wonderful these past few months and I feel selfish to ask for more. But I think I will be needing them again today...

Thank you for your reply... I'm so used to comforting him when he's down, it's hard for me to not to be there for him... But you are absolutely right, I just didn't see it. Thank you again...

7 months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 12 years. It was not the first time we broke off. He took it fairly well and since it was hard for him to find a place to live in winter, I told him to take his time and that he could find a place for the springtime. A few weeks after, I realized how hard it was to have broken up with him and still live in the same house (sometimes, in the mornings, I would wake up and find him sleeping next to me), so I started sleeping over friend's places. Then in March, I told him that it was hard for me to be at my own home because when he is there, it makes me feel uneasy because he still expected me to come back to him. I didn't want to hurt him more. I wanted a clean break. I had just lost my father, was going through a hell of a hard time at work, I was still paying a mortgage on a house I couldn't live in. He made 3 times more money than I did, yet he never paid for anything at home. I never wanted to bring that back to him because it was my choice and I didn't want him to suffer more or feel hurt if I asked him to pay at least for the electricity he was using. But in May, he moved out. And I honestly think he never realized we broke up until then. He wrote me a letter asking me why I left him, telling me that we *could* made this work. I told him that I had been hurt, felt taken granted of, used and thought of as a commodity. I told him that I had told him all of this years before, and that I was trying to be patient and understanding and supportive through his endeavours, but it just didn't work out. We have a problem communicating, but no matter how we try, we can't seem to see eye-to-eye in our expectations. So I made the decision for myself. yes, it may have been selfish, but I felt like a part of me was dying, that I couldn't bear all the empty promises he'd made in the past. I felt all the important things in our relationship were pushed aside because *he* thought he was making sacrifices, when all I required was to have him by my side. And I gave him time. I stood by him even though he did stupid mistakes like forgetting dates/night out because he was working late. When I reiterated all these reasons (I had told him that so many times before the breakup, that I felt like I was nagging him)He freaked and hasn't spoken to me much since. I'm hoping that he has had the time to heal, but I received a very hateful and vengeful e-mail. He basically said that he wasted 12 years of his life and that I lied to him about Loving him. He ended up the e-mail telling me that he cannot live without me. I was so torn. The worst past is that I still do Love him, (loosing him was almost as hard as loosing my father), but staying with him would be detrimental to my emotional health. He's demanding that I respond to his e-mail. I don't know what to say that I've already said in the past. And even if I would say the things I feel now, wouldn't it bring about more pain? I want to tell him how I feel, I want to tell him that I still think of him and that I miss him so much, but that I am sure of my decision and that I want him to be strong and go on with his life.. But would telling him these things help him to continue, or would it destroy him any further? I'm sorry this turned out to be such a long post. I really wanted it short and sweet but my heart just poured out into it.