Hi Corvidae.
Although, like a good English guy, you omit such gory details, I must tell you that I am a 33-year-old guy who is still a virgin, brother to a 39-year-old guy who is also a virgin, and I took my PhD in England some years ago (although I am not English).
I think your situation was somewhat worsened by cultural factors. Without any intent of insulting the English people, I must confess they are one of the most un-sensuous people in the world (the american people follow at a short distance), and sexual matters aren't easy there. I would say that, if it weren't for pubs and drunkenness, sex would be virtually non-existent in England. So if you aren't a drinker (as I was not at the time), things can get really complicated sex-wise.
I spent 3 years in a hall of residence of a university without talking to anyone (it was an unbelievably stupid attitude, I agree), and almost no one talked to me (a notable exception being an american girl, who soon got discouraged).
Although my personal history is somewhat different from yours (I never participated in the organization of events), I recognize my own dilemmas in your posts, which are quite well thought out and written. I myself often engage in this sort of conversation in my native language (it doesn't lead me anywhere, but who cares?)
From my adolescence to a few years ago, I had the belief (having had a reasonably brilliant academic performance) that girls would approach me due to my intellectual brilliance and eventually have sex with me. However, I did not even advertise this brilliance visibly enough, so needless to say, I have been limited to masturbation up to this very day.
However, more recently, I started meeting people, and although I haven't had sex, I think I am much closer to it. I have got some female friends with whom I can relate intellectually, and some of them are even not that ugly physically.
The most attractive ones, unfortunately, seem not to be interested in me, but as they say, as long as you don't feel humiliated in the presense of your female friends, friends and girlfriends attract other friends and girlfriends. So no one should become paralyzed just because the people that are receptive to your friendship/sexual interest aren't up to the high standards you set yourself. I can tell you from personal experience that sometimes these standards are merely devices of your mind to prolong your misery.
I attribute my lack of success with women mainly to the examples of behaviour I had at hand (my brother), the place I chose to take my PhD (England) and my lack of effort in meeting people. Now that I became more open to people, I notice that there were a couple of women who showed their interest in me already. Of course, they were not the ones I was targeting, but since they are not monstruously ugly nor stupid, I think I should not waste this opportunity for a friendship/relationship.
I can certainly relate to your complaints about the lack of initiative of women and the cultural need of men to show initiative. That is, in my view, a cultural aspect which CAN be changed, as the access of women to jobs has been changing over time. But I can also assure that there ARE women with inititiative (not necessarily ugly). You just have to be visible enough socially for them to know that you exist.
Remember that the main purpose of advetising is not to convince anyone of anything, but to reveal the existence of something.
