Sk8r55

im kinda lonely but its not really lonely because theres a bunch of people around me and i miss someone and i just want to be with her and feel her there, feel the warmth of her body and feel her lips against mine... but i cant... i just feel so empty without her and so hollow, and i feel so insecure. i just want to fall asleep or be with her, but i cant fall asleep. grr *sigh*

i love rebeca (my ex) but she doesnt even love me as a friend. blah.

yeah. thanks... well, she has been getting professional help for a while, and im not here for help with her depression... she's already got enough people trying to help her. shes on a ton of anti depressants and anti psychotics. oh well.

online convo

me: frank said that you promised him you wouldnt kill yourself, and i asked you to promise that to me, and you said you couldnt promise me that... but why can you promise him that?

me: heh

her: ....i dunno

me: *sigh* im just jealous

me: cuz like... what if you asked me to promise you something, and i said no, then one of your friends asked, and i said yes to them...?

me: would you feel jealous?

me: heh

her: yeah.. i would be jealous also

whats going on? this is my ex girlfriend here. and she supposedly still loves me, and i love her. she broke up with me cuz of depression problems. and frank is my friend... i dunno whats going on... can some girls answer to tell me whats going on? is it harder to make promises to people you care about more, or does she care about frank more?

you think i can help loving the girl in florida? I DONT FRIGGIN WANT TO. I dont like being in love with two girls. I DEFINITELY dont like being confused. BUT I CANT HELP IT. and i CANT simply just block her out of my life. and me and rebeca, the depressed one, have both seen many, many, many counselors. THEY DONT FREAKING HELP!

i'll post a few more facts about this:

1. i have come to the conclusion i love them both just as much

2. im going to stay with the current one (the depressed one)

3. the non-depressed one lives in florida, and i live in california, and the depressed one lives in the same city as me.

4. it would be stupid to break up with her because she's depressed. im depressed too, i know how she feels.

im in love with two girls. im not so sure about one of them, but i've been with her the longest. the other one i just realised i was in love with today, and it's KILLING ME. they're both in love with me, and im totally confused. the one im not so sure about, well, she's extremely depressed, she needs me, every moment i worry about her killing herself (this is the one you might have heard about in my other posts) and the other one im more in love with. i used to feel this way about the first one, but now for some reason it's fading away. i feel so guilty, and i want to just die. i need help. i dont want to explain the whole situation, im too tired. i hope someone can help.

she doesnt own a scale. her parents got rid of it because they know she's obsessed with her weight

my girlfriend is skinny... but she thinks she's fat... she's like starving herself and says she'll start eating regularly again when she gets under a hundred pounds... she's about 5'2" and i dont think it's healthy to be that underweight... and whenever she says she's fat, i tell her she's skinny, and she just says "no im not" and we argue about it... i need help...

she told me she doesnt like him anymore... i dunno if it's true or not...

shy

modest

piercings

sweet

playful

smart

eyes

glasses (dunno why, lol)

flat chested (haha, im so weird)

sense of humor

it's addicting, trust me... im an addict, and my girfriend doesnt have a problem with it... but... im trying to stay off it, it makes me feel really guilty... and im not a womanizer, and i actually dont like to be in control of our relationship... *shrugs*

all of this is really good advice, but i was thinking, what if his family are all nutjobs too?

and i asked her "do you love me enough to stop cutting" and she said "yes, but sometimes it's too hard not to"

she's getting stitches for one of her cuts sometime... ugh... this is getting out of control... she's cutting every day...

my girlfriend likes my friend. well, he used to be my friend a while ago, but now he's not. she loves me, but she also likes him. she's a really confused girl, and i'm just worried that she'll start to like him more than me... it's ok that she likes him, in my opinion, because you can't control how you feel. But i still feel bad about it. I don't know what to do. NOBODY TELL ME TO BREAK UP WITH HER. I love her too much to break up with her. i just need help

i think you should just show her how much you worry about her. if she says something self degrading, just say "that's not true" and reassure her. her self degrading this is a defense mechanism, and kind of a test. she'll want somebody who cares about her enough to care about her even when she's putting herself down. just show her you care. also, try to have some more light hearted moments. try not to be too serious.

apperently she lied or something, she cut herself yesterday, she also stuck a needle in her arm yesterday, she burnt herself (salt and ice, not fire... dunno how that works though) a couple days ago. everything is falling apart in front of me.

she says she's stopped cutting. she says that it just makes her feel worse now, so... yeah... but now im scratching myself, and you're right, it is addictive, im not nearly as depressed as she is, and i havent done it in a while, but every once and a while i get the urge to do it, and i cant help myself, i tell her whenever i do it, and i promised not to do it anymore, so... yeah... i guess we're both o.k... but im still keeping a close watch on her, im helping her as much i can

she cut herself the other day, i made her promise to tell me whenever she cuts. I told her that if she feels like cutting in the middle of the night or something she can call me and we can talk about it... but so far that hasn't helped. I'm doing everything i can.

is there no father on the scene? can you not talk to him about his wife?

its just a thought about it. how old is she again? when can she legally move out?

Catie xxx

she's 13, it'll be 5 years before she can legally move out

It's not out of shock. She knew what she was saying, and she meant it. Her mom has always been a b**** to her, and her mom is one of the main reasons she's depressed.

I masturbate daily, and i dont have pimples (well, i have like... one, but that's nothing). see a dermitoligist (skin doctor) if it's that big of a deal to you.

her mom is an @$^&*!#. the other day, her mom said "if you're going to kill yourself, dont do it in the house" i want to kill her mom.

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now im starting to scare myself, somehow i ended up asking her for a blade to cut myself with. im so confused, i dont know what to do.

im 14, i dont have a car, and if i did that, i would be ditching school