Sapphirelady

I thought it was because maybe he was being very mature and that maybe deep down he agreed with all of this. Like I said he's not an emotional person so I don't know what he is thinking. He hasn't taken his ring off even though I have. If you look at my last post, it's just weird he went from crying to acting like it's nothing. Even hugging me and sitting on the couch with me like nothing is wrong. My father says it's because he is in denial and it won't hit him yet until I leave. Could that be true? I also mentioned counseling again last night and I asked him why he wouldn't go. He said and I quote, "Because I don't want to. I'm a jerk"

First of all, thank you to those of you who responded. If you can believe it he and I are not yelling or screaming even though I am going to try to have the bulk of my things out by tomorrow. I am not leaving with much, just our clothes, a few things I know my husband will not use or want and mostly my daughter's toys. The scary part is this, when we talk about me leaving, my husband tears up. I am trying not to be upset in front of my daughter and carry on as normal so she doesn't think anything is wrong. Well when we stop talking about me leaving my husband acts as if nothing is wrong either. He has even been hugging and kissing me. He says he loves me but if I want to go he will let me because he knows he can't make me stay if I don't want to. I ask him to talk to me and tell me what he's feeling about everything right now and he says there is nothing to say. It's strange how well he seems to be taking it but then again he never shows any emotion, as I said in my orginal post. At the same time it makes me wonder just what is going on in his head.

Okay, long story short: we've been together 6 years, married 4 and we have a 3 year old daughter together. I know he loves me, of that I have no doubt. He has always been a great provider while I have been staying home since our daughter was born, I have never wanted for anything material wise. But after 5 years of being emotionally ignored, I want out. Even though romance has never been his strong suit, I can't take not being hugged, kissed or cuddled for weeks at a time and just fondled when he wants "something". I can't take sitting at home all day waiting for him to come home "whenever" because he doesn't call to tell me when and in his line of work every day is different. If it's 8 o'clock and he's already eaten then too bad for me and the dinner I made for him. I am a social person and very family oriented, he is not and doesn't make any effort to try to be for my sake. He says he doesn't care if we have friends or not. He never has the time or energy to do anything as a couple or as a family. I can't take the fact that all he can think about when he gets home is how tired he is and he sees it as a chore to play with his daughter instead of something that he looks forward to. Sometimes he's been home for 1-2 hours before he even sets foot in the house. Holidays are nothing but aggravation for him, he doesn't enjoy them and he'd like me to think as he does, that they are just another day. I have asked that we go to counseling, he refuses. Sex? What is that? And when he does get the urge, 5 minutes is all he spends. Literally. Conversation? Nothing but sarcastic comments or "I don't knows" when I even try. All this said I am fed up and exhausted from being the one trying to hang on to this marriage. I have brought all of this to his attention before and he has ignored me. Now that I am leaving he's crying. It hurts me to see him hurting but I still don't want to stay. The problem is, I can't stop crying either. I worry about how he is taking it, I am going to miss him, I am sorry it's over. Is this normal?

I have the problem of an ex just up and leaving after 3 years with no warning. He told vicious lies and spread horrible rumors after the break up that cost me all of our mutual friends. They all believed him and did not support me. I begged him back for the first 3 months after our break up and he would brush me off. But during that time he would also maliciously continue to try to hurt my feelings with manipulitive and misleading behavior ie: calling me at 12 am to "just say hi" while he was at a bar or club, and then while I was crying in one of his ears he would talk and laugh to everyone around him except me and then abruptly cut me off and say he had to go. Finally I told him I hated him and never wanted to hear from him again. I knew I wasn't over him but I couldn't take being treated that way anymore. I played no more games with him and after 2 months of him calling every once in a while and me ignoring every one of his calls he stopped all together. He then decided he still wanted to hang out with my aunt and uncle whom I am very close to and who we saw quite often when we were together. I asked him NOT to do it and of course he ignored my pleas. My aunt and uncle told him it was fine if he came over they would just tell him not to when I was there. Feeling betrayed that they'd welcome him at all when they were aware of the way he hurt me I told my aunt and uncle that as long as they talked to him I wouldn't talk to them. And I stopped talking to my aunt and uncle for about a year. During that year my ex started getting too busy with a new girlfriend to hang out or talk to my aunt and uncle so he started ignoring them. My aunt calls telling me that they haven't heard from my ex in a very long time and they'd rather have me in their lives than him. So I think it is safe to come around with my new boyfriend and I do. About 6 months after I began talking to my aunt and uncle again somehow or another my ex just happens to call them out of the blue and says he and his girlfriend are moving to Maryland so he can be in the secret service and he also has a new daughter he'd like to bring over to their house to visit and to say goodbye. My aunt and uncle say "ok, come on over." I feel betrayed again and this time I stay away for about 2 years before my aunt finds out I am getting married and contacts me saying she wants to go to my wedding. She says they never ever talk to my ex since he moved and they won't ever again. I say ok and invite them to my wedding and then I start bringing my new daughter over to visit them. My aunt and uncle tell me if my ex tries to come back into the picture they will tell him to go away, they want me in their life not my ex. About another year after my daughter's birth my ex happens to call my aunt and uncle AGAIN out of the blue and this time my ex invites them to his wedding and says he wants to stop over their house when he visits his home state. My aunt and uncle say ok and tell me they are going to the wedding! I had had it! So now I have alienated myself from my aunt and uncle permanently and it hurts very much because I miss them terribly. I can't get over how my aunt and uncle lied to me each time I gave them another chance, how I fell for it and believed their lies and how if this ex hadn't even insisted on seeing them I wouldn't have these problems. This ex and I do not have any children TOGETHER so in my opinion I don't think he has ever been really interested in visiting in my aunt and uncle I think it's just another game for my ex to play while indirectly getting information about me in casual conversation and for him to further make cause a rift between me and my relatives. Most people that I know of have ex's with the decency to leave AND leave them and their family alone if there are no children involved. I have told this particular dilemma to a few people and a couple have accused me of being narcissistic and petty. Well of course I have talked about how this affects me and MY feelings since I'm the one FEELING them. No one is paying attention to my ex's motives and why he might feel this need to stay in contact with an ex's family when he is married to someone else with a child. They are only thinking something is wrong if it's bothering ME. I'm not trying to be narcissistic.