sarsapolis6

I really like the last comment, because I am taking a class and the subject is something that I am good at, however I could become better at it. The class will involve teamwork and maybe even socialization. The thing that might hold me down is that the people in the class might react negatively towards me (in a subtle way..like maybe a frowning stare) but I think that if I prove to myself that I can be a good student in the class, and talk more to the others (like share a comment on what someone in the class did) then I will have a friendlier, more enjoyable experience in the class. I think my fear of developing negative thoughts will help me to stay positive.

Here are the things that I'm negative about:

RIDING THE FINANCIAL "ROLLERCOASTER".. UPS AND DOWNS OF GAINING MONEY THEN LOSING IT.

MY LACK OF STATUS AND THE DISRESPECT FOR MY CURRENT STATUS

ONLY HAVE ACQUAINTANCES AND NOT LONG-TERM FRIENDS FROM CHILDHOOD.

NOT WELL KNOWN IN MY CITY, UNLIKE OTHER PEOPLE (and they're not famous movie stars or politicians or sports players..they're just well known and well liked)

STILL LIVING WITH PARENTS WHILE OTHER GUYS HAVE A CAR, A HOUSE, FRIENDLY WOMEN NEARBY

MY CURRENT JOB AND HOW IT STINKS BEING AN ELECTRICAL APPRENTICE WHILE WATCHING OTHER 20SOMETHINGS WORK IN OFFICE BUILDINGS OR GRAPHIC DESIGN STUDIO LOFTS, DRINKING LATTES WITH THEIR iPOD AND iBOOK, AND WEARING THOSE SEATTLE/SAN FRANCISCO ARTSTY-TECHNO-HIPSTER CLOTHES WHILE I'M IN MY ELECTRICIAN'S UNIFORM.

REACHING A PLATEAU OF TRUST AND FRIENDSHIPS WITH WOMEN ONLY TO SOMEHOW DESTROY THE SOCIAL CONNECTION BECAUSE I "MOVED TOO FAST" OR "DID TOO LITTLE" TO GAIN THEIR COMFORT, COMPANIONSHIP

VERY UPSET THAT I HAVE TO GO BACK TO SQUARE ONE EVERY TIME I'VE SPENT TIME TRYING TO MAKE WOMEN FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND ME, HOWEVER THEY DECIDE THAT I'M NOT WORTH SPEAKING TO AGAIN AND SO THEY DON'T.

INEVITABLE MORTALITY

NOT PROACTIVE LIKE I USED TO BE IN CERTAIN THINGS, (but back when I was more proactive in dating, finding a career and other things, I was doing it blindly, very naive. Now that I've "woken up" to the mistakes that I've unintentionally made (one big mistake during my K-12 school years was to not interact with other classmates..instead I was stuck in my own little world because I thought that my little world was more desirable than hip hop, parties, cars, cliques, friendship gatherings, and so on. Now I realize that social connections ARE indeed important for later on in life, and I currently don't have a strong social network from the past)

to have fun with life. Able to make positive or funny comments, observations, and so on. Constantly cheerful with a lil bit of bad-boy attitude to quell anyone's notions that you're just a nice, naive and boring guy.

How do you make yourself stay happy and positive in order to do this without coming accross as fake?

I am a person who is genuinely on the negativity border. I think negative thoughts, but I don't vocalize them. I don't complain or whine in the company of others, but people (ESPECIALLY GIRLS) can sense my dark mood. And that turns people off/makes them uncomfortable.

Yeah, it's got to stop, and instead of relying on a book I was wondering what I personal exercises or tasks helped you to stay in your positive frame of mind. I think that is what's missing from my personality, because physically I'm handsome and I'm a creative person.

It happens when the girl you want (or guy, for the ladies) tells you "lets be friends." Sometimes when the person says that they really don't mean it. In my experiences, girls have told me "lets be friends" and then it becomes impossible to talk to them anymore. They said that to dismiss me..not to become friends.

But how many of you like to stay in contact with the people that you previously dated, not in hopes that "one day, she'll break up with that jerk and come to me because I'm only a phone call away", but rather you want to stay in touch because you don't mind expanding your circle of friends. Friends who are already attached.

Personally I haven't done it yet. Maybe this is immature, but I think I might feel jealous if the girl I wanted, decides to become friends with me because she interested in dating and eventually sleeping with another man. Sometimes I think this might happen: I become friends with a girl, she's in a relationship and months later we're still talking to each other and she introduces me to another girl friend.

And yet, this "pipe dream" never becomes reality. Maybe for you guys.

Intercourse isn't as cracked up as it's supposed to be.

Someone challenge my statement..

And here's another one.

Guys how could you POSSIBLY enjoy the taste of a woman's genitalia when it smells just like our own? I can't understand that. It's an acquired taste, right? Like certain types of cheese?

And all the while I thought a woman's scent was "sweet and savory". Ha HAH Ha Hahhhhhhhhhhh!

Really.

your opinions as well.

Basically, what mental state is someone in when they're young, work 40 hours a week, don't have alot of friends, (just acquaintances who have their own stronger social collectives) has spent a year and a half trying to get a girlfriend or at least girl friendships, suddenly stopped talking to his buddies who were almost friends, and for the summer..

Became so unmotivated that when every weekend there was a big unique event happening (from citywide marathon to jazz in the park to a hip hop festival, to "save the children of Africa" dance club events) he didn't go or was ALMOST going but did something to inadvertedly self-sabotage his efforts and interest in going? Finally, this person is upset that no one has called him at all, except for a girl whom he thinks is unattractive yet is a dear friend of his. And, whenever he goes out with this girl he can't help but look at the other guys out there with:

(1) Their own tight social group

(2) An actual girlfriend/soul mate who has done an excellent job at looking attractive, from sense of fashion style.

So what mental state would you diagnose this person?

friend introduces you to her other female friends during a casual outing..like Great America.

Second question: Guys whenever you went to drink coffee with a girl that you were interested in, did you sit directly accross from her OR to the side, perpendicular to her? I read in a seduction forum that this was a tactic of establishing intimacy.

Final question: Is it really possible to just hang out with a girl that you're interested in (but not yet interested in to the point where you want to go full steam ahead and have sex with her and develop a relationship with her) and not even go on a formal 1st date? Like, going to a coffee shop to talk..the first time that you and her are alone, but you keep things light and don't ask her if she'd like to come to the seashore with you today.

But then, a week later you plan a trip to the seashore with her, and it includes bike riding in the park..

I hope that there is more than just the traditional 1st, 2nd, and 3rd date scenarios.

have friends who are not in the same social group, but rather individuals that you know who represent various and different social areas? It would be so easy if everyone you knew functioned like a mini-family.. everyone lived in the same neighborhood went to the same college and so on. But that is not my case. And yet, I'm trying to develop a romantic relationship with a girl while I'm trying to strengthen social ties with my individual friends. Why does this have to be so hard? Also, what could someone do to help guarantee that the communication between the person and his/her friends is not one-sided (meaning that the person calls people but they never, ever call him on their own accord)

if you had to decide between bowling and an outdoor concert..which would you choose for your date? Are there any other fun activities that we could interact in?

Going to a jazz festival and then to an interactive chocolate exhibit..would that be an activity or a spectator activity? I am thinking about those two things.

Wow, so it is true that you could have sex with your friend and then go back to being friends. How did that come about? Did he initiate it? There is a girl I like as a friend but sometimes I get the urge to explore more of her.

Only the ones that were good)

What fun activities helped to solidified the common bond between you?

I feel that I need to do something fun with the girl I'm with instead of talking with her over coffee.

and maybe i should joke around with her, but still trying to find out what could be "safe" for her and not offensive.

ok, well she talks about school.

NEARLY ALL THE TIME.

And she talks about the classes that she will take. I've said this several times:

"What are you going to do in order to prepare for this class?

"How many more units do you have to pass before transfering?

I talk, because I'm eager to steer the conversation into something else that is miles and miles away from school. OK, maybe I could talk to her about her fashion choices for the fall. (are you still interested in wearing saris over jeans?) We're going to an outdoor festival today in the city so I'll ask her (have you been out here before during a big event?)

Maybe this might be my problem as well: Not showing enough enthusiasm in the conversation? Guys, have you ever been so excited about something that when you tell it to your girl friends or wife they get all excited about it too, or they feel the energy of your excitement? Has that worked for you?

I think I feel it when girls are excited about something and they express it in their conversation. What I need to do is reciprocate the excitement level instead of saying "uh-huh. that's cool."

I do it alot.

Sometimes when I talk to a girl about something, she tunes out. It doesn't become interesting to her and she might say nothing. Or if she does it is usually an un-interested uh-huh.

And then, I'm like..

UHH-OH!!!!

A girl in the past told me that sometimes she likes to hear about Random Information (there was an A-word in the middle of Random and Information but I can't mention) but I could tell that she didn't care about it.

HOWEVER, I thought girls were impressed with guys who have a breadth of knowledge and can express it by saying something that doesn't have anything to do with him or her. Or, what I usually do is talk about things that do relate to me, career-wise, educational-wise, and so on.

I told a girl that I recently subscribed to an industry magazine that my mentor recommended. She was like, "sounds cool." and then left it at that. Sometimes I feel like doing the switcheroo on her..showing some disinterest in what she has to say, but not too much because then she'll be threatened by that.

What irrellevant topics or things said should a typical guy avoid whenever he's talking to a girl?

And finally, these are the same topics that may seem to be uninteresting to girls but might be considered cool to other guys.

IF YOU ASK A GIRL IF SHE COULD BRING ALONG A FRIEND, IS IT EXPECTED OF YOU TO USUALLY BRING ALONG A GUY FRIEND AS WELL SO THAT IT BALANCES OUT? I don't want to make this girl that I'm trying to get to know uncomfortable. I will suggest that we could attend an outdoor music concert. However, I don't want to go the romantic route TOO EARLY, and so that's why I will encourage her to bring a friend along, if she wants to.

what i meant to say is how do I show these free-love people that I'm not some creepy guy with a different agenda? I'll assume that I'll act the same way I do in a regular dance club..which is laidback, smiling, positive acting, e.t.c.

A friend of a friend knows someone who is going to host a swinging party this weekend, and she asked if I'd like to attend.

It's always been a fantasy of mine but now I'm in shock. Has any of you guys done this or something similar to this before? What should I do (or how should I act) if I only represent myself, a single male at these kind of parties?

Other than that I know that I WILL be double protected, and if there's booze in the vicinity then I'll stay away.

except for a few girls that I'm interested in.

My buddies all live in the same city and I have their phone numbers and email (hopefully one hasn't changed his) but I haven't talked to them in months. It's a combination of running out of things to say, working long hours, school, and social counseling. (I go to see a therapist about my socialization issues). I haven't received any calls or emails from them, but I think I am more dissappointed in myself because I haven't taken the iniatiative to call and say whats up during the weekends. Right now this weekend is over and I saw a movie by myself. I almost went to an event with a girl that I was trying to date but that plan fell through because the event was too expensive and I felt that going to that event would give her the idea that I'm romantically interested in her. (it was a big dance event). Sooo, my weekend sucked and there have been others like that. I get into fights with my parents who are at home when I'm at home and sometimes I wish that I had stayed connected with anyone. But the thing is that I have the ability to do it..but I just don't.

Well today I developed the courage to call one buddy I know and I'm trying to think of something to say that will re-open the friendship. I saw him at my college accidently at the cafeteria and we chatted but it was during finals so we both had to move on. This was about..one or two months ago.

But really, do any of your other male friends trip when you haven't talked to them in a while for no particular reason? Have they acted indifferent towards you? Friends do come and go, but it is a long time habit that I make friends with people for a while, then I lose contact with them for months and (sometimes) years. I am trying to stop this habit now.

What could I say? My explanation of work, school, and family issues sounds lame..like an excuse.

Thanks

i would not disclose personal information about myself, such as my medical conditions, family problems, e.t.c.

But besides mentioning my interests and telling a few stories about what I've done I still feel that I am NOT OPENING MYSELF ENOUGH TO THE GIRL.

That is why I am asking what else could I be leaving out..and not even knowing what it is.

Two people, totally complete strangers.

Basically it is me and a woman that I don't even know UNTIL we start to date. It is not the same as meeting a girl, becoming friends with her from the get-go and then asking her if she would like to do a FWB. I am not going that route.

I might live in a small city, but there are lots of women out there.

wow, good advice, but I have a question about humor.

WHY IS IT SO CHALLENGING TO MAKE A GIRL LAUGH?

Guys, have you become more confident and open to women after dating (successfully and unsuccessfully) a variety of women? What have you learned?

Did the majority of your female friendships arose from date encounters a while back that were positive yet didn't lead to anything sexual or romantic? What was it that you did or said that skirted you away from the "friendship zone" with a girl even AFTER she declared, "lets just be friends?" And, why do most girls never bother to answer your calls or emails after she declares that you and her must become friends?

Finally, I have a date on Friday but the cheif thing that I have issues with is self-disclosure. I visited a dating website (maybe it was E Harmony) which allowed you to put down alot of "attractive" information about yourself, and I was thinking of using that as a template. Or, going to a MySpace website. In any case, I am writing things about myself that I can mention verbally. Have any of you done this?

leave out or forget to self-disclose about themselves during a formal date or any time where they are talking with you? Is it usually common interests? Sharing feelings about something?

I think that maybe some of the reasons why girls don't feel comfortable with me enough for a possible friendship or romance is because I don't open up enough to them.

BUT,

I keep hearing that girls like guys with a touch of mystery to them..it's alluring. So I tell them things about myself, but not too much at the same time, right?

Instead of going into friends with benefits situations, it would be best to prefer "buddy" situations. I can't say what buddy really means, sorry but you'll get the picture:

What do you think about the following comments from what people have told me?

"Two people, totally complete strangers, are initially interested in each other but after dating decide that they don't want to be in a committed relationship however agree to a sexual relationship until something else comes along. Usually the people involved are already sexually familiar with each other."

and

"im a guy who hasnt ever had a "buddy".

i have had women who said they wanted to be my "buddy", but it always turned out that they really ended up wanting more.

only thing i can tell you is, give her lotsa respect, and try not to make it sound cheap. she may not want to be your "buddy" if she has the impression that this is all you want.

maybe the best route is to be "friends", and, during the friendship, make it really clear that you dont want committment. then, if she shares that desire, and the "chemistry" is right, you will "fall into" the "buddy" deal.

i dont think the majority of women would knowlingly go into a buddy deal, but, it would be OK if it naturally progressed into that."

Now, here's my problem. I have dated women before and whenever it didn't work out, we became friends. I expected that at some point we would get together for some "fun", but what happened is that they maintained a platonic distant from me, while dating and sleeping with other guys!! In some cases, girls who said that "lets just be friends" slipped away from the scene all together. I tried calling them and all I got was PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE.

So, what can a male do if he wants to keep the connection with a failed date that might lead to sex?

Overall this makes sense. There are girls I know who started out as being just friends with me..we didn't go on a date, we just met at work, class, and extracurricular activities. Now, because we've maintained a platonic state of mind with each other, they are like sisters to me and I would never never jeapordize my friendships with them through a FWB situation.

I'm glad I realized this, because when you DATE, you're dealing with strangers. period.

BUT I WAS RELAXED! I tried not to think of anything. I turned off the lights. I didn't even touch myself. And like I said, I was hard at one point..in the shower. I had a condom while the water was on. Should I've done it then? Aren't condoms water resistant? I was highly aroused in her at that time. She had a very lovely face! I'm sorry it's been a negative weekend. Over Bar BQ with my friends one of my buddies was lamenting about how his ex-girlfriend was upset because he started to have sex with another girl when he should've been having sex with her. Made me grit my teeth in frustration, because at least dude's problems are way beyond mine. Then when I noticed that there were lots and lots of kids at the picnic, I wondered to myself if their dads ever had the same situation that I just had.. Another thought crept in my head..what if another girl that I really really liked finally had sex with me and we came up with the same problem?

Well I have another question: What sex position is it the easiest to guide your penis in? When I tried doggy I aimed for the "hump" and I started to bend on the outside instead of going straight in like another normal human male. God, they make it look so easy in the videos. How can I train myself to get hard, and not quasi-hard? Because whenever an attractive girl walks by or I think of something when I'm at work or school, I do get hard but it quickly fades as soon as it starts.