anon2021

@Kwothe28I have been single for 15 months, I wouldn’t class dating as being in a relationship unless it’s been defined as both people as exclusive. It’s a new guy. Also, in response to “it was 3 years last time lol”; the guy I was with for 3 years in a previous post is the same guy as the 5 years; we had a break between that, we were together for a total of 5 years all together. So no, I’m not a troll. But to the last bit of your post, I agree that would make sense. 

I’ve been single for 15 months now, I was in a 5 year relationship with my first and only love. It was a tough break up, I truly loved him and to this day I feel like I will never love someone like that again. 

About 5-6 weeks ago, I started dating someone new. From the start I was excited and infatuated, I was really into him and I thought to myself “wow, maybe I will be able to love someone so deeply again”. As times gone on, I don’t know why but a part of me just feels like something’s not right or is missing. I feel confused, I was so into him at the start and he has so many great qualities; he’s so kind, caring, loving and thoughtful. How could I not want that? I’d be stupid not to. He makes it clear how much he likes me and I’ve never been left feeling confused or unwanted, which is what I want but for some reason I now feel smothered and like I’m pulling away. I find myself comparing it to the relationship with my ex, we got along amazingly but I never felt appreciated or prioritised like this new guy I’m seeing makes me feel. A part of me thinks, does this just not feel right to me because it’s stable and I’m not used to being treated this way? 

Point is, he’s great and I can’t fault how he treats me but why do I feel this way? A part of me feels like running a mile all of a sudden but I don’t know why my feelings have changed so drastically, I feel like I should want this as much as he does and I feel guilty. 

@Lambert @Rose Mosse both of your replies are so helpful, I’m going to try and do that. Allowing myself to acknowledge my feelings but accept things for what they are and stay in the present moment. Thank you both. X

@Wiseman2thank you for commenting. I have got my ex and his family/friends deleted on everything, which has helped. Unfortunately it is the same guy yes. X

My ex and I broke up in July, it’s been 10 months now and I still find myself thinking about him and our relationship - I wish I didn’t. My ex broke up with me, I won’t go into the details but we were together for 3 years. I’ve come to realise despite the qualities I loved about him, he was also manipulative and a narcissist. I’ve started dating someone new, I do like him but I find myself comparing him to my ex/my past relationship although I know I shouldn’t. Recently I found out my ex is now living with his new girlfriend (who he got in a relationship with just 5 months after me, despite that 2 weeks before this he was begging for me back). I want to move on with my life and forget about him but I’m finding it so difficult to view things in a positive light and not continue to feel resentful and discarded by him. It’s like I’m forgetting his bad qualities and aspects of the relationship now that time has passed, and feeling like I was the problem and not “good enough”. Advice please? 

On 12/31/2021 at 2:26 AM, catfeeder said:

Be careful about how you frame this. You can use any narrative you choose in the privacy of your own mind to spin and drill and make yourself feel lousy, and you can keep picking that until it's infected your whole outlook. That will ruin your life until you decide to learn how to reverse it--it's like putting a curse on yourself.

Skip that. Use your intelligence in your own favor. You know how easy it is for EVERYone to ham it up on social media to create illusions of fabulousness. So deciding that an ex's pic with a date must equal love and baby carriages is probably not accurate, and it's a horrible thing to do to your own head.

Nobody's saying breakups are easy, but decide exactly how difficult you want to make it for your SELF.

Head high, and be on your own side, and write more if it helps.

 

Spot on. Thank you so much, I needed to hear that. Happy New Year!

On 12/29/2021 at 10:40 AM, Jibralta said:

How do you stop feeling bad?

Easy. Don't message him again. Ever.

It took months for you to get back to feeling normal and then he stepped in and robbed that from you in less than two weeks.

He cannot be trusted. He does not belong in your life. 

Ignore any and all future communication from him. Block him if you must. 

Be a friend to yourself and don't go back.

Thank you Jibralta, he is blocked and there’s no going back now. I just wish it didn’t seem like I was replaced and forgotten about so easily. It stings!

On 12/29/2021 at 9:46 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? How old is he?

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

Don't put up with his silly games

3 years and he’s 22, have a look at my previous posts for background information. I didn’t mean to post this anonymously and multiple times, I thought it didn’t post! They are all deleted and blocked now, thank you. 🙂 

I’ve recently started my new job working as a newly qualified nurse, the ward is demanding and the staffing is bad at the moment which makes the job more stressful. I’m 3 months post a break-up, I had been feeling ok but now I’ve started this new job and I’m struggling, I feel overwhelmed and low in mood. I suddenly feel like something is missing from my life and like I need companionship. I even got back in contact with a previous ex over the weekend but now it’s just made me feel weird, for some reason I want the comfort of a partner… any advice on why you think this is and how I can overcome this low mood? I was enjoying being single and independent now I suddenly crave someone and feel lost. I feel like my self-esteem has taken a hit and I feel like I need validation and comfort from someone.