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Ive been reading these messages for a few weeks now, and thought id like to give my theory on how some people are doing things to lure back there ex's. Well I have my own tried and tested theory, that I have done and have had done to me and it has worked before. Firstly, I do believe that NC has a part to play, not only does it increase the likelyhood of being missed by the ex, but gives you as a person time to develop on a little. I believe that there is a set way to go about things though (my opinion only,but like i said its worked before) Ive read posts from people who have done like 8months to a year no contact and yet still dream about there ex and cant move on. Firstly I said that I agree with NC, but only to a certain extent in time. I believe that timing is everything, you cant break NC too soon, yet you cant leave it a great deal either. I believe that depending on the circumstances that ended the relationship NC should be carried out for between 1-2 months (possibly 3mths) if it was a real bad break up. I also then believe that you need to (after the NC period) be seen by your ex, out and about, having a good time - kind of make them think what theyve been missing. There are 2 sayings that seem to fit well with NC, the first is that absense makes the heart grow fonder,but the second, which is not so good is, out of sight, out of mind. I thereforeee believe that a combination of absense from your ex then also being seen is the right card to play. But being clear you need to seem like you have moved on and that your not out to bug them like it would have seemed after the realationship ended. Just kind of do your own thing, within there view. I myself having been a dumper in the past (with the same ex who dumped me) know that this works, well in my opinion anyway. When I first left my ex, I didnt think about missing her, I thought about all the things i was free to do now single, only upon seeing her out and enjoying herself without me did alarm bells start to ring in my head that made me think, that was my key to realising my true feelings for her, and it worked we got back together. Its just my opinion, but thats how id play things.

When my ex left me almost 2 months ago, she had been completely her normal self with me upto the day before she decided to leave. She told me after that she had decided to leave (we were living together) because she woke up that morning and decided that she shouldnt be there. We had been together 3yrs and lived together a year. She didnt really like where we lived (one room apartment) in a house shared with 2 of my friends. She also didnt really like me being around my other male flatmates as she didnt really like them a great deal either, she just got on with them for the sake of it. How can someone youve been with for such a long time just wake up and decide i shouldnt be here and leave without talking it over, just clearing out while i was working? Does this possibly mean shes confused about a lot of things?? Then after she left, she said she loved me, but wasnt in love with me, again thoughts and feelings that she just woke up with that fateful day. Then she decided that we could be friends and have some sort of a friendship. But a couple of weeks later said i had been texting her too much (which foolishly i was) and that it always seemed like i was there. She then changed her number so that i couldnt do it anymore. To top it all off, she now spends a great deal of her time with my friends (whom are no longer my friends, for other reasons) whom she always had complete dislike for when we were together, and hated me having involvement with them because of the sort of people they were, she would always say i really dont like them and was always falling out with them. I dont get it, she dispised them when we were together, now theyre like new best friends. She doesnt have many friends of her own, is she just using them to go out with? Is she just so bored, that being out with them is beter than being home? I dont understand it! These old friends of mine (who are complete *CENSORED BY MODERATOR* stirrers) then keep saying things like shes seeing someone else now that she met, and its a different person each week, does this sound like shes confused and doesnt know what she wants?? Im doing the NC thing, Im just totally in love with her, and hope and prey she does finally realize that she wants to be back with me. Any ideas to her behaviour?

I was in no contact mode, when i realised that I did care about her.

when we first started going out i was still what i regard as being fairly young and youthful still, even at 20. obviously at the time we were living apart, and i begun to feel like she was obsessing over me. she wouldnt allow me to have some of my own space, and it felt like i couldnt spend time with my friends without her. i broke it up with her when this all came to a head and i felt i couldnt take anymore. After the breakup she continued to be in my presense through my friends, which just wound me up even more, and eventualy my friends took it upon themselves to get behind me and not her, she then became pushed out, and i got the blame for that too, which in fairness i did play a part in. Because it all got heated we didnt speak for a couple of months. Im not sure why my feelings changed towards her, it was a kind of just happened. I suddenly realized id done wrong, and that i really did care for her. when i did get back into contact with her, everything just felt different and really good. I should also say that I had a whole period of my life being easily led and manipulated by people i thought were close friends, and they too played a part in the original downfall, they kept trying to cause doubt in my mind over her, because it became apparent later on that they didnt like me spending so much time with her and not them, not nice friends really. One of these same friends told me today that he had seen my ex out and about, and that she had told them that she was with someone else now, how she had said she had slept with loads of people since our breakup. But even this doesnt sound right to me, i mean if you knew her, she herself is shy and timid, and it just doesnt strike me that it would be true. I just get more and more confused, why would she say these things, or why would they make them up. Im not even in the luxury of contact with her, due to after the breakup (this time) my natural reaction although not right was to bombard her with calls and messages, to which she changed her number to because she probably felt constantly harassed by me.

Im really in a state of confusion, my ex-girlfriend and I had been together for almost 3 years. Last year I wasnt sure how I felt about her, and I ended things between us, she at that point made it totally clear that she was in love with me. The breakup was quite bad and things were said that were harsh from me to her. A couple of months later while I was having my space I realised that I did indeed really love her and set about trying to win her back over. Well it worked, and we were together again for a year. She told me that she never stopped thinking of me and didnt like being with anyone else because she felt like she was cheating on me. Her family didnt approve of us though, as they felt I had hurt her before. Her mum was so against it that she had to move out of home. She moved in with me and we lived together for 1year. We lived in a small flat which we shared with a couple of my friends, and I knew that she didnt really like living there or with my friends. We planned to move out on our own and just have our own place together. Over the year we had different jobs, she worked in an office and me at a bar, so as you can imagine we were separated alot by our jobs, mainly mine being that I worked evenings and nights. I knew that I was so in love with her, and every night when I came home I would tell myself I was dam lucky to have her. Everything was good, I mean we would have the occasional argument like anyone else but things seemed pretty good. Then all of a sudden and me completely blind to what was about to happen, I came home from work one night and she had moved out, gone back to her mothers. I was completely devastated and had no idea this could of been coming. She had been totally her fine and normal self with me in the weeks and days before this. When I managed to contact her and see her the next day, she told me that she loved me, but didnt think she was in love with me, and that her decision to leave came by the fact that she woke up the morning before and just realised she shouldnt be there. She started saying things like if I think of you going off with another girl, it doesnt hurt her. I mean where was this coming from, I hadnt even been with anyone nor did I want to. Said that she was in a comfortable relationship where we knew what each other was like. Yeah, we were comfortable together, but we could only of been that way if we loved eachother?? She also said that if we had of got our own place to live, that she would probably still be with me, because at least I would of been trying, but then she told me that when she said she loved me over the year (which she did very often and unaided) that she had just been telling me what I wanted to hear. I cant believe this! I know how she was and I know she did love me. Is this just hurtful things you say to someone to get them to leave you be a while. She said she wanted her space and freedom back. Later she told her best friend whom is also a friend of mine that she does still love me, but it was done. When she bumped into my mum (whom she gets on really well with) she told my mum that she hadnt ruled out coming back to me, but this later changed to I only said that because I felt some pressure from your mum on the matter, but my mum said she never pressured her at all. That was in July (this year) she left me, since then Ive done the whole no contact thing, how do I play this now, what should I do? I really am In love with this girl and I just want to spend my life with her! Help! any suggestions would be greatly received.