alldaisies
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Everything posted by alldaisies
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Day 9 Maybe I should stop writing here, and just do it when he tries to contact me again, if he ever do it. I am feeling better, yesterday was a difficult day for me to handle, but I did not write to him again, what makes me feel more confident and more in control of the situation. Game is over for him.
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Day 8 I survived, he cannot wheedle his way around me anymore, this time he cannot. I have read enough about silent treatment and narcissit personality, enough to understand him and his play. I need, want and deserve better than this. I deserve more than crumbs.
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Day 7 He is there in the other side of the screen, he is trying to contact me again. As soon as he did it, I run here. Why this is so hard for me? But this time will be different. I found here the support I need to heal and recover from this, to be strong. I will not play his game this time.
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Day 7 The ugly truth is that I still miss him, I would love him to break silence. However, I had time to think about him in a different way, this time using my brain and no my heart. Do I really want in my live a person that does not love me the way I love him? No. Do I really want a person with zero concern about how I am feeling? No. I am letting him go out my mind, once and for all. Just a miracle could make things different.
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Day 6 I am just fine today. I am not longer waiting for a reply to my last email, sent last Thursday. Better for us, better for me, if he continue in silence. He is the one losing me. If you love me, love me whole not by zones of light or shadow… if you love me, love me black and white, and gray and green and blond, and mixed… love me day, love me night… and in the morning with the open window! If you love me, don’t break me in pieces: love me whole… Or do not love me at all. Dulce Maria Loynaz
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I should sound pathetic...
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You express so well how you feel. I have been where you are. The man I loved let me empty, empty of music, poems, literature, art. A song could me make me cry for hours. What I did, I listened again and again all the music we shared, I cried until there was not more tears. Then I remained in silence for a while, I stopped listening music. I started creating new memories, my memories alone, listening new music. I am feeling better now, with less distress. Now, when one of our songs pop up, still a current of sadness touch me, but no the way it was before. Now, it is not more crying, it is nostalgia, a little remembrance of the past. I said to myself, love is to make people happy no sad. And I keep going.
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Day 5 It is not easy, but I keep going. The silence between us kill me. He has not say a word, no a single one, no even a character. I am feeling more confident, more secure. I am doing the right thing and I have to remain strong. This is my battle, and I will win.
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Day 4 I am truly trying to control myself, I have the desire to write another email to him, in capital letters, requesting closure. He has chosen to remain silent, no a single word after my letter telling him about my feelings. It feels terrible wrong. But I will keep going, if he decides to contact me again, I will no answer him back. I deserve better, he does not know how to love, he knows how to be manipulative. But love is a word that look small in his lips.
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This is my third day, I was needing this. Love could be addictive, but cannot become an addiction. I have concluded that the man I deeply love is playing with me. He loves to manipulate my emotions, feels that he is in control, do what he please when he please. He enjoys knowing how much I miss him and how deeply are my feelings. He is charming and he knows what to say and how to say it. But it is not fair that he just answer my emails or decide to chat with me, when he wants. It is abusive and distressing that when I have decided to cut all kind of communications with him, he reappears in my life again, sugarcoating the moment, giving me new hope. He does not love me, but he does not let me go either. I assumed this challenge because I refuse to be used again. Thanks for this thread, It will help me to keep going..