soinlove

Maybe I should lose the tape for him and not tell him. What's he going to do? Ask me where the tape of him and his ex-girlfriends going at it are when I'm not supposed to know about it? Maybe I'll feel better if I burn it.

So I decided we needed to talk. Last night I approached him on the subject. Not about the tape, but I did ask him what was going on with us. He says there is nothing wrong with us, at least from his point of view. That he's happy with the amount and quality of sex we have. That sometimes the pressures of everyday life take hold and it's the last thing on his mind. After the kids and I leave in the morning and he turns on the porn it's his way of "leaving reality" for a short time. Looking at someone where there is no ties, no responsibilities without physically touching. He explained that before me, he slept with girls just because he could. When he got with me things changed. It wasn't about booty call anymore, it was so much more than that. He claims that the porn allows him to be different without cheating. Something different. I've given him ample opportunity to walk, and he says that's out of the question. Not what he wants. That he wants us to grow old together, that there is nothing he wouldn't do for me or the kids. That I need to stop thinking that because we don't have sex everyday of the week that he loves me any less. Back to the tape, I know two out of the three girls on the tape he doesn't speak to anymore. Bad feelings on their part and they won't have anything to do with him. However the one girl on the tape I figured out who she was and yesterday his cell phone was left at home and their was a voice message on it. I checked the phone later and the call was from a private caller. Her name came up last night when we were talking about past relationships and as I sit here thinking, maybe she has been in contact with him and that's why he busted out the tape. Or maybe I need to stop freakin out everytime I question something in our relationship. Does any of this make sense? Maybe I need therapy.....

When it comes to sex, i'm the one who initiates. It's him who thinks it's alot like work. I'm not a prude by anymeans in the bedroom, eager to please more than most. That's why the delimma, kwim? He's home and when he's not he's at work. The odd time hangs out at a buddies house, so i don't get it

Communication is one thing we've always had. He says when we stop then it's over. Maybe I just answered my own question. The last two weeks have been horrible with us. I hope we can get through this.

A bit of background.....been with my s/o for 7 years. Living together for the last 6. I leave for work very early in the morning and i know he likes to have sex in the morning. He masterbates quite frequently to porn on the computer after i've left and he's told me this. We don't have sex as often as I'd like 2-6 times a month and I think the porn has something to do with that. Anyways, this morning I go back home and just as I'm getting out of my car he's coming out of the house. I give him a kiss goodbye and go in the house. He comes in a minute later and babbles something and goes upstairs. I go upstairs in time to see him taking a video out of the vcr and going into our bedroom. I don't say anything. We both leave and I have some errands to run. While i'm away from my phone he calls 4 times. I call him back and he says that he figured i was probably freakin out about the tape. I said yeah, and he tells me that one of the guys from work wanted to borrow the pamela anderson video and he was looking through his tapes to find it. Yeah yeah, whatever. curiosity gets the better of me and I went back home. After about 15 minutes of searching I find the tape, hidden. I throw it into the vcr and what I find is a tape of him with three different exgirlfriends, screwing.... Should I have looked at the tape? Do I tell him I know he lied to me? These women were long before me....so I know it's not him cheating, but why the need to watch it? Should this bother me? Please help this is killing me.

Thanks you guys, I really appreciate the input. I called him this morning at work and apologized for blowing up. He told me he loved me and just to back off for a bit. So I will and see what goes.....he also told me that I need to stop equating sex with love. Just because we're not having sex all the time doesn't mean he doesn't love me or find me attractive. I suppose that's something I need to work on. I just don't like it.

We had a HUGE fight about this last night. I am beside myself today. Now I'm tempted to be the one to go out and screw around, just to prove I am desirable. He almost walked out cause I couldn't stop going on about it. I do anything he wants....what is going on? I feel like we are definitely on the verge of breaking up. I just want to make him happy. Why can't I? I can't even think straight today.....

Symptoms of what else? We've talked this thing to death, nothing changes. Now he says I'm pressuring him. Come on, it's sex! Where's the pressure? I know I'm starting to push him away over this. I guess I'll have to cool out for awhile, but I just feel so rejected and so hurt.

I'm a 34 year old woman living with a man for the last 6 years. He is the most amazing man in the world. It's been 7 years and I still feel the butterflies. Sad huh? In our younger years we have both cheated in other relationships. However, since him and I have been together, I have never cheated and to the best of my knowledge neither has he. Lately I have had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that he's cheating. My delimma is that he is never out. Does not go out with his buddies, always at work when I call, does not hide his cell phone from me or emails. Although we have separate computers so I really have no need to be on his or to read his email. I know he frequents porn sites, which at first I was upset about ( I thought he wasn't interested in me any more) but I'm pretty much okay with now. We haven't had sex in about three weeks and he claims its because he is stressed out at work. Is this possible? Can stress play a roll on a mans sex life? I thought all guys thought about was sex? I've checked his cell phone bills, nothing..... Why am I doing this? He's not giving me any reason to feel insecure. Communication is huge with us, we always talk about what's bothering us. Maybe I'm too much of his buddy? We've even discussed how I've been feeling lately. He says that there is noone else, he want's no one else, I make him happy. I'm adventurous in the bedroom, so why aren't we having sex? He says he still finds me sexy and that it has nothing to do with me, he's just stressed out. Is this possible? Or is he getting what he needs with the internet porn? Please help I'm driving myself nuts!