2+ year relationship, gone.. because of me??

Ok, first off.. Signe isn't my real name.. I don't want people I know to know I am posting here if you know what I am getting at. =) I feel kinda.. pathetic.

Now we are..

Me = 16

Him = 19

Anyway.. here's the LONG story.

I will call myself Signe and him Chris. Ok, first off how I met him. I had a friend named Amber and she was so horrible.. she slept with anyone and everything etc.. and she was going out with Chris.. lied about her age.. in my eyes she was just a bad person overall. So, after awhile Chris and her broke it up and I thought Chris was really sweet and wanted to go out with him, so I did after awhile and finding out that he liked me too.

So, now me and him are going out. The first year he drove a Blazer truck thing.. and he was SO sweet.. perfect guy.. I loved him so much, and still do for that matter. A long while goes by still happy and everything.. and I start getting jealous that he drives this one girl to school with him everyday and back home (he lived 25 or so miles away from me btw!! so he had a long drive to school and my house everyday) because she didn't like riding the bus. He swore to me they were just friends which I believed because.. I just.. did ya know? I just.. felt like I should've. Which was ok, because they WERE just friends.. they hugged at graduation though.. which bugs me because.. just.. does. =( Jealousy. He's mine. *sniff* Or was.

Now.. then he buys this Honda Civic.. he CHANGES when he gets this car! He starts getting into car things and buying all of this crap for this stupid vehicle when it's going to grow old and die on him anyway. I don't like cars.. I think it's dumb to waste money on them when he should be saving it for something he NEEDS like college or something. Going on about the relationship.. all of a sudden I see him glancing around alot.. wanting entertainment when he's with me.. I don't like this.. girls.. etc. Then time and time goes by.. he's in a car club.. he's out of the car club.. just like 4-5 months ago I caught him looking at PORN! I am 2,000,000% AGAINST it. I do not believe in that!! It's WRONG to do that when you have a big committed relationship like ours! But.. I still kept going out with him.. even though that anger and jealousy just grew by the minute then. I feel like.. he needs more then me. I am not exactly huge chested and he says he likes me how I am.. short.. small.. "sexy" and beautiful.. can I believe that? =\ Anyway.. I also have this thing for those guys who do stuff to their cars and then one day I found him looking at link removed (the site) at this.. wet t-shirt contest. The girl had huge breasts and.. jealousy.. big time.. pain.. oh my. It was horride. I broke up with him for a little while then.. and then we got back together. Now.. just 3-4 days ago he admitted that he looked at girls.. I never even really got to ask why. After reading all of these other forums and talking with my mom.. I feel stupid! But.. it hurts SO much when he looks at other girls.. because.. I feel like im not enough. And yes.. we've done pretty much everything in a long term relationship and now.. his passwords were IloveSigne (using fake name still) but.. now they're something else that I don't know. It was my birthday yesterday too (June 4th) and it was HORRIBLE because all I did was just cry and cry and cry because I barely got anything.. and.. my life was taken away from me. I don't exactly have friends.. dead serious. Zip. Online close friends, yes.. but not offline. Chris does and now he's been gone some of the time.. I don't know where he is.. I don't like him watching TV so I get REALLY upset about that because all that is on TV is SEX these days! And I don't like him seeing that. Yay, I get to cry some more. The pain is so terrible, please please help me. I just lost the best thing I had.. even though he's changed so much.. isn't there that old sweet chris that doesn't care about cars and wants to give his money to some GOOD reason? Maybe.. it wasn't meant to be. I don't even know whether he'll take me back again after all of this. *cries* Also, I've been raped twice while going out with him. =(

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear about everything that's happened to you. First off, you better tell someone about being raped, this is no laughing matter. If not anyone in your family, have you considered going to a psychologist and talking about some of this stuff?

As for your relationship. To be honest, it just seems to me that you are not ready to be in a committed relationship just yet. You're young, and focusing on things that really don't matter. Everyone looks at other people, but that doesn't mean he doesn't think you're THE catch. I find it impossible to believe that you've spent your entire time with him not even looking at another hot guy you may come accross, i just don't believe it.

You should just really take some time to get out, have fun, enjoy life, and figure yourself out.

I already have told someone about the rape stuff. I am completely over that now and it isn't a part of my life. And if it happens again the man who is starting it is in DEEP trouble with me.

And also.. it does matter to me.. alot. I am not your average "young" person.. that's why I have no friends in the first place. I only get along with older people and adults, and even sometimes they upset me alot. I shouldn't of mentioned our ages, I knew this would happen. >

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. I WENT OUT WITH MY EX FOR 4 YEARS AND I BROKE UP WITH HIM A LITTLE OVER A MONTH AGO. HE'S ALREADY SEEING SOMEONE AND I'M NOT. YOU'RE THINKING HE SURE DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME. WELL AT LEAST HE'S NOT WASTING YOUR TIME ANYMORE. HE'S MOVING ON AND SO SHOULD YOU! THERE ARE SO MANY GUYS OUT THERE HUN. IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO REALIZE THAT. IF YOU DO GET BACK 2GETHER AGAIN HOW DO YOU KNOW HE WON'T DO IT AGAIN? I WOULD LET NATURE TAKE IT'S COURSE. GOOD LUCK.

I am going to go ahead and update this. 4 nights ago I misunderstood Chris.. he actually does NOT look at other girls because he says he has me and would not need to. He said he did look at porn once or twice but it wasn't really HIS choice if you know what he means.. I kinda do.. that manly.. thing. And I will get use to the fact that he spends money into his car. That's fine, his choice. =) I am surprised you all want me to keep it off with him. That IS 2 1/2 years ya know! It's a looong time!!