we never really broke up

i was seeing this guy for about six months. he is 24 and i am 21. things were really starting to develop really well between us. he told me that he loved me and i loved him too. i have never felt this way about anyone before. now i'm feeling like he may have been using me. he went back to his country for a month and it was hard for him to call since it is very expensive but he called once to say how much he missed me. then the day he came home, he acted like there was nothing between us. he came back this entirely new person. we work together at a restaurant. he is the manager and i am a server. its really against store policy for us to date but we keep it a secret. he always said that what we have was between us, not us and everyone else. he said he didn't care what everyone would think if they found out. i think we have talked outside of work maybe three or four times since he has been home which is about a month. everytime i call him to ask him what has happened with us he would say it was nothing i did or didn't do and he would say he was tired and had to go. whenever our friends would be going out i would ask him if he wanted to come he would say no he was tired or something. but then someone else would ask him if he wanted to go out with them and he would go. its really bugging me that he won't talk to me about why he doesn't want to be with me . i'm okay with the fact that he doesn't want to be with me. i just want to know why but i tired of asking. please help me. thank you so much...

michelle m

Hi there! Don't you wish that relationships were more understandable??? And then when you try to get an understanding...no one wants to cooperate. I feel your frustration. Unfortunately, only he can tell you what has been going on in his head...but try not to think the worst...like he cheated or something. It probably is not that, but if it were, I would say he is too guilty to be near you. I think this has to do more with himself and his private thoughts. Maybe he had some sort of finding f himself or something and he just wants to sort it all out. And the reason he voids being with you is to not hurt you and lead you to believe that everything is ok when its it not in regards to himself. I hope that made sense. Have you told him that you are fine not being together and you are just looking for an explination? After all, you are entitled to one. I would maybe make one last attempt, but if he doesnt answer, there is out of your hands, unfortunately... Only he knows. Try to just let everything else in your life move forward, don't let this stop you from growing

Hi Michelle,

I am so sorry for what he is pulling you through. This uncertainty must drive you crazy. I know that it would do that to me.

I would like to give you a male's point of view, since it's no secret that I am a male. At some point a guy will go over his life. Especially when they feel the breathe of settlement in their neck. It looks like that your b/f is feeling that breathe right now. He has a good job, he has a wonderful g/f (YOU!) and may be his trip back to his own country hit him with this. If this happened, I can tell you that this is a matter of months. He is sorting out how to move and proceed with his life and what he needs out of it.

I have to warn you, though. What I just did is PURE speculation. I cannot tell or be sure that this is it. I just know that 1) he has the age for it, 2) he does have a girlfriend and 3) he does have the position.

The only way to really find out, is by him telling you. Since it looks like that he leaves you out of this, it does create a problem. I strongly advise you to go by Mermayd's suggestion and to keep everything else in your life moving.

I hope I was of help to you and wish you good luck in the future.

~ SwingFox ~