I’m lost.

I just desperately want some feedback. my feelings and thoughts are jumbled together and i don’t know what to do or what to feel. My life isn’t in danger but the level of hopelessness i feel over the things i wrote about make me feel like it is, pretty much every waking moment. Just please read and tell me something, you relate, you don’t understand, you disagree, you agree, anything please i just need help getting my bearings

Sending virtual hugs.....don't give up.

I've been where you are by the sounds of it. I was so bad the other week the doctor wanted to send me to hospital. I went for an arranged appointment the next day instead. And it was a wake up call as I felt like I was in a secure unit/prision even in reception. I looked at other patients and thought "why am I here". But I got taken to see a nurse who was very good with me.

Feeling hopeless is usually a sign of a lot has gone on and you can't deal with it. I've shut most of my family and friends off bar a few but I've found surprisingly friends who have been in my position, who I've opened up to day of night.

You have to believe you are not hopeless, you have a purpose in life. Forums like this can help as a release. Can you say anymore about what has gone on so we can get a better understanding?

Lmfao I was so busy writing that i forgot to put the actual thing i was talking about.....

the- gut wrenching horror that is the reality of you losing your innocence

-Being forced to watch said gut wrenching horror

-Trying to use the trauma as fuel to turn your life into something meaningful

-The fear that it'll mean nothing and that you'll look like an idiot to not only everyone around you but also you're future self

-But then you you think about all those inspirational speeches saying that all that greatest things in life are on the other side of the things that terrify you the most

-which voice do you listen to?

-Do you try to hold onto the old ways in an effort to bring back that pure child like innocence that’s gotten you this far? The voice that's molded you into the person you are so proud to be? The person that's made the friends you hold so near and dear and that have really EARNED your respect?

-Or do you let it go and try to branch out and grow and step into the unknown, trusting yourself to navigate the brutally unforgiving world?

-How do you know when you're being too dramatic? How do you know anything? What is really true? Where do you look for structure?

-is it possible to force the world to make sense? How do you make it make sense if you even can? Do you focus on day to day and live in the moment? Or do you think big picture and become the pioneer that will help the world?

-is everyone really alone in this world? Or is their someone out their who will understand you and you understand them?

-I feel alone

-I'm going to try to fight it by learning more about myself

-I just wish I didn't have to do it it alone but then again isn't that the point of soul searching?

Currently listening to "you got it bad" by usher.... never forget these moments you over dramatic >.>

Do you live within the storm of emotions or do you try to quiet them

-on one hand quieting your emotions can assure that you make sound and reasonable decisions and on the other I find that the people I find most pleasing to be around are the ones who are easy to read and wear their heart on their sleeve.

My feelings for (blank) continue to fluctuate more violently then anything else I've ever encountered. Is the bond we have real? Or is she just that good at doing what girls do best? Playing guys hearts with the precision of a surgeon and the carelessness of child to get what they want out of men. It seems they don't even do it on purpose their just that good at it its subconscious. I've never felt so consistently connected to another person as I do her. If she felt the same way I don't think I'd ever be unhappy ever again. Am I wrong? Should I say it and find out? I'm pretty sure I could date her but I feel like I won't be able to keep her and one day I'll regret losing that friend. I'll have screwed her and me over. But there's times where I feel like she doesn't give a about me. Which is fine. No one says you have to love me. But don't come back pretending you do just cuz you're lonely or bored with your boyfriend. But isn't that the way you interact with friends? You aren't always talking , you don't always answer each other back right away. I signed up for this by being her friend so it's my burden to bear, my problem to navigate. My turn to make a decision. I know what I want but how badly and will I always want that?

Do I really know what I want?

Yeah I added the actual thing i was referring too lol i thought i put it the first time 🙄