How to gain trust from ex bf?

Just wondering if anyone has managed to gain trust back from their ex? For some reason he doesn't trust me to even meet with me to talk over things after 4 years together. Says he doesn't trust me not to cause a scene 😞

Hi,

We are going through the same thing. This video helped me a lot every time I get the urge to want to contact my ex:

[url="

Then I think about the times when I broke up with my exes and I just wanted them to leave me alone, but they wouldn't. They kept in contact, they wanted to hang out, and I did out of guilt, to be honest, and because I cared for them. But it didn't give me the space that I needed to assess whether I should be with them or not. If anything, it confirmed that I really didn't want to be with them.

It sounds like that's where your ex is right now. If he doesn't want to meet, let him be. Use that time to work on yourself and be the gf that ANYONE would want to be with.

Wishing you strength.

I've just read your other thread, and I think you're going to have to let this one go without an explanation which will feel satisfactory for you.

Unfortunately, the more you push for it, the less likely it is to happen.

I've been in the situation where I've ended a relationship with someone, given them the reason(s) as gently as possible, and they've persisted in wanting to talk about it; of course, they didn't think my reasons were valid (or, as you put it, were "stupid stuff") and were hoping I'd change my mind. The persistence meant that any fond feelings and memories I might have had vanished for ever, and I really didn't want to meet with them either - in any capacity whatsoever.

He's set his boundaries, blocked you as far as he can and you're STILL hoping to meet with him. It's really sad for you, but he's demonstrated very clearly that he doesn't want to maintain a relationship with you... now you need to grieve for your loss, which must feel devastating after four years, and give yourself the space to move on. The energy you're currently expending on him would be much better spent on living as well as you can, surrounding yourself with loving friends and family and generally being nice to yourself.

(((HUGS))).

That's the thing though. It's not been plain sailing since the split and it was me who told him to leave saying something stupid. April/May he was horrible to me. June he came crying to me and I was reserved. July he said he wanted to get to know me and trust me again. Then he's gone funny again. He doesn't contact me then he just pops up again he's said it's because of what I said at Easter. However I've found out form a friend, this wasn't the reason and he's been hiding it. She said we split because of the rift between his family and I. She said he was trying to keep everyone happy. She said he's online dating but not dating as such asnd he's hurt and people do crazy stuf when they are hurt. She said when you dropped stuff off at his parents on the driveway it had an effect on him. I said well it was his stuff, he wouldn't collect, I told him where I would leave it as it's his stuff and he didn't no seem bothered. She said he was hurt and still is. I thought well if he's over it why bother talking about it and be hurt. She said he won't see you yet as he doesn't trust you, she said he's trying to deal with it his own way. She said alsorts like why didn't you front it out with his sister and so on. Says I still hold a grudge and if I do then how is it meant to work. Alsorts alsorts I didn't even know because he's not told me. He's blocked my Facebook yes but I know for a fact he was poking about on it before he blocked me. Strange thing is he's still friends with my friends and family on there after all he's said about them! He said ages ago he'd get rid of them and sorry for liking stuff, then he goes and does it again last night. I'm sorry but he's 34, we talked about marriage and kids and alsorts both said we meant more to each other than we have others. Both had alot in common, backgrounds and interests. He got along with my family great but began to distance himself which even my mum said he's jealous as he gets along with us and you don't with his family because they've hurt you. But we've never done anything wrong by him and it was immature behaviour.

All you need to know is that he doesn't want to maintain contact with you right now. Rather than looking backwards to a painful past which makes no sense to you, look forward to a future which doesn't include him. It will hurt less in the long run.

His behaviour may have been appalling. He still doesn't want to meet up with you. He may be extremely immature. He still doesn't want to meet up with you. This is the reality which you need to accept and work with, whether you think it's justified or not.

Unfortunately, he doesn't owe you anything. You two may have talked about marriage and children, but that's in the past and is clearly not going to be part of your future.

He contacted me by email though. This is what I mean and said it's because he concertating on his career and doesn't need anything else distracting him or being on his mind. He failed some exams when we broke up which meant he was back grouped. If he doesn't pass his training he has no dream career (which I helped him get into). He's due to pass out in a week or two. He goes silent......then all of sudden he pops back up with an email. Makes no sense. Same with family and friends on fb....he's said alsorts about them...so why have them on there still? Why not get rid of them all if you want nothing to do with me. And blocking me on fb, I caught him a number of times spying on my fb he dropped himself in it in a email I confronted him and he jumped. He did stuff like that when we were together and told a friend recently he didn't like photos of me and an old friend on there. He was controlling when we were together, even now he's saying I'll do what I want on my terms. He's never been like that with anyone not even his exs he's still friends with.

He contacted me by email though. This is what I mean and said it's because he concertating on his career and doesn't need anything else distracting him or being on his mind. He failed some exams when we broke up which meant he was back grouped. If he doesn't pass his training he has no dream career (which I helped him get into). He's due to pass out in a week or two. He goes silent......then all of sudden he pops back up with an email. Makes no sense. Same with family and friends on fb....he's said alsorts about them...so why have them on there still? Why not get rid of them all if you want nothing to do with me. And blocking me on fb, I caught him a number of times spying on my fb he dropped himself in it in a email I confronted him and he jumped. He did stuff like that when we were together and told a friend recently he didn't like photos of me and an old friend on there. He was controlling when we were together, even now he's saying I'll do what I want on my terms. He's never been like that with anyone not even his exs he's still friends with.

Girl, you are going crazy. I'm sorry, but you need to listen to him. He failed his exams 4 times and you still wouldn't leave him alone. In those 4 times, what has been the common thing? YOU contacting him. You pestering him. This time, he needs to do something different, and that is for you to leave him alone.

Please, if you want him back, listen to what he's asking from you.

No No he started his new career his dream career. He told me all would be ok and he loved me and he'd be home weekends and so on. His friend though said he was letting go of his feelings. It didn't appear like that. Anyway Easter ended in a big row over his family again but not forgetting I just burried my friend that week whom had committed suicide. Months before hat my nana died and there he was arguing with me over his family again. I said one stupid line and told him to leave. He was a mess, so if he was letting go of feelings why be like that. Anyway he remained in contact as did I. Then he failed an exam and blamed he break up so got given another chance. He was horrible hennnice then horrible then April and May. But then he started talking to me again. Then he failed a whole weeks course....baring in mind that week I didn't speak to him at all and was away at my friends and he tried every way to contact me. In the end he called me and broke down to me on the phone totally. Told me all, alsorts and said he failed the same exam four times. I said you need to sort your head out. He said we had too much to loose and alsorts of sweet things but I was reserved because he'd already messed me about. Then one chat with his family and he said let's be friends (baring in mind that whys we split) sort it out in the future but right now I need to put work right. My friend said he used you as an emotional crutch. Anyway it went bad again and then July he said right leave me alone. So I did. 5 hours later he shows up at the house. Saying his career meant the most of was his dream career and no one or anything is going to get in the way of it. But then says he wanted to get to know and trust me again. Then does a disappearing act again. And so on. And like I say....I have distanced myself but then he pops back up. Still no explainations from him just my friend. I've had grief counciling for the deaths and bettered myself but how am I meant to show him that? If the issue was his family then that's their issue not mine and after how close we were and the amount we've been through together and have so much in common is it really family who split people up?! It's stupid. He doesn't see all the positives although his friend says he misses the good times. Well then sort it! He's due to pass out this next week or two. But if he doesn't trust me and won't see me, then how the hell is anytninf meant to to be sorted one way or another and him just popping his head up and emailing me....my friend said he's like dangling a carrot.