"Chess Games"

by Greggie

The tiles beneath us, black and white

Contemplations, strategics, left or right

The clack of heels, a board of glass

Foolishness, egos and all that jazz

Are you a child? Are you insecure?

Are you unattainable? Is that your allure?

Am I only a body, a source of relief?

My intellect shunned, your ego in grief

Wounded and bleeding, it goes in attack

I rejected your flesh, so you rejected mine back

My presence disabled, ghost-like I sway

Resistance dumbfounded you, chess we must play

Sexless and intimate, tickled and pleasured

Reluctant, oblivious to scores that you measured

No ego, no pride, no Great Wall to crumble

Withstanding refusal to be none less than humble

But you never realized on the ground which you tread

I rested comfortably, your feet at my head

You saw only the physical resistance of charm

Never the spiritual twisting of arm

And I could've built you, like statues of stone

Like Michelangelo's angels, like Colosseum of Rome

Timeless and grand and made to stand ages

Missing out stupidly, for chess games and wages

So tell me who won? And what poor soul did lose?

I never did notice, perhaps you called truce?

I walked off the board, white flag in frantics

Remained unimpressed with child tactics and antics

And my time lay wasted, disappointed and used

Queens, pawns and bishops - none were amused

Heavy breath of ego, wounded but alive

We had to kill both you and I to ensure it would survive

Well done, with the meter. I find meter very, very hard to write. I like a number of moments in this. I've bolded my favorite passages and lines.

If I may suggest something -- you've used the word "ego" many times, and also repeated a few words several times. Words that are, as a writing teacher told me once, "1000 dollar words", you don't want to use more than once in an entire poem, or even short piece of prose. I live by that rule because repetition is a fast way to kill important sounds/words in their impact. "Ego" would be a million-dollar word.

I would save it for the very last stanza, where you have it -- and in that one stanza, it would make an enormous impact of meaning, conceptually as it is there. Everywhere else, I would find different words to replace it or rework the lines.

Same for other repeated words, including "chess", especially since it's in the title. (like in the 6th stanza, for instance, where you've used it, you could say "board games")

Nice job, though.

ETA: And what about the King?

Thank you for the great critique! I think the advice about the "thousand dollar words" is great - definitely a rule that I will try to live by in the future, as I can see how the repetition can take away from a word's overall impact. I am still a novice in poetry (my usual creative and emotional outlet is through lyrics, but I can't play my piano at night), so any comments/advice are greatly appreciated =) Thank you again.

PS: I like your signature: "You can live a life, or you can have an existence." I have a tattoo on my back which says "To exist is not to live", so I definitely agree with the statement.