GLiLCrazy

Thank you for your comments. Yes it's very hard... but things happen, and you only grow stronger.

You were the one that made me smile, cry, and laugh When we first met, it was crazy Like a dream come true Like I found him, we are gonna get married and have kids. Then it all changed you introduced me to drugs, and it all went from there. At first it was great, you would get me F*ed up, you would share with me, then sharing became a fight. Our love went down the drain, I kept thinking "he's the man of my dreams, why is this happening" Everyday you would come home late out lookin to score, and if you didn't you were so hateful. My love for you turned to hate, total disgust, I hated when you would come home, never knew if I would have to leave, or stay in your sisters room till' you feel asleep. I never really stopped loving you, I just stopped showing it. I stopped telling you I love you, I stopped being nice, I stopped doing things for you. I started pickin fights with you, and goin out with my friends more. Finally I gave up, we weren't going anywhere. If the drugs wouldn't have come into our relationship we would be great. I wasn't ready but it was the right thing to do, I had to say goodbye to our love, to our memories, Goodbye to the man of my dreams It was the hardest thing ever the day I walked out that door, and left and never looked back.

Yeah it's hard but it's just one day at a time.

I just wanted to post a little bit about what I went through with my addiction. Maybe it will help somebody out in the long run if they hear my story. I think the first time I smoked marijuana was at 12. My mom always told me that "weed is a gateway drug" Yeah right whatever!!! HAHA.. boy was she ever write. I moved to Ohio when I was 14, my dad is an alcohalic and I felt I had to take care of him. WRONG CHOICE!!! When I was 17 I met a boy. At first it was soo good, nothing could go wrong. Well, I was always wondering why he would nodd off, or be really itchy at times. I finally asked him like 3 months later, and he's like do you want to try this pill? Well yeah. I mean who wouldn't. Then I started to get addicted. From Vikadin to Delatdids. That went on for about 3 1/2 years. I was so hooked, I wouldn't even get out of bed unless I had something. My back always hurt, I was just always in pain. I began to notice I was just like my father. That sucked! Pulled myself in even deeper, and started shooting up. I was shooting for about 1 year. My boyfriend was just absolutly insane. He was sooo bad on drugs, and sooo mean. Abusive, physical and verbal. But I was so hooked I didn't want to go anywhere, because those drugs were for free. Well I finally broke up with him in Feb. of 06'. It was like the BIGGEST relief off my shoulder I have ever had. Well, I moved in with his step dad and sister at their apartment. Started smoking crack. To this day I would never think I would be that person. I always said I will never do any other drug besides Weed. HA Forget that... Ive done everything under the sun. Like when I would look in the mirror at myself I would just want to puke, I hated myself. It got to the point where I didn't want to look anymore. Staying up for days, running around looking for * * * *. Just crazy how my life was. My X boyfriend and his sister went out one night on a 4 day crack beinge. That was it for me. I called my mom from a payphone and told her "Look mom I need you so bad right now, Im smoking crack, shootin pills and coke...PLEASE SAVE ME" She sent me to rehab. May 18, 2006 I got clean. That was the best and most scariest time of my life. I was sick of being sick and tired. I was scared to walk through those doors, scared of change, scared what it was like not to be drugged up, scared of everything. Rehab changed my life in more ways than I can count. I have been clean for 4 months TODAY, and Im a totally different person. If you would have known me BEFORE the drugs, you would have never thought I would be that type of person. I love my life now. I can look in the mirror now, and not be ashamed of seeing myself looking so deathly skinny. I love myself for once in my life. Life was hard, I always seemed to put myself in a situation where it would be difficult. But one thing I learned "God will never put anything in your life you can't handle." I attend N/A meetings regularly and they are great. They do help you. Well, that is my story. Just wanted to share, maybe it will help somebody. If you want to know more, cause' that was just a summary, just ask. Im not ashamed of what I went through. It only made me stronger. Thank you guys, Abby

Girl... I tottally understand your pain. It sucks being addicted to something. I used drugs, and I ruined my life. I have been sober for 4 months actually today. It seems like I've come a long way but theres still a lot more to go. Everything will go okay for you though. Are you still using? I wish the best for you I really do. Abby Write back anytime