Batya33

I think he meant that sometimes if a woman is into a man rather than treat him like a buddy she'll sort of put him in his place, in a flirtatious way- draw attention to the flirting etc. I also know of many people who are friendly and pleasant and then -it's friendship caught on fire. However it happens a person who wants to date another person will respond with enthusiasm and either say yes or no -I am busy that day but I'd love to reschedule. Or suggest a specific day they are free. The only sign that someone wants to date you is if the person either asks for a date planned in advance or accepts an invitation with enthusiasm. There are no signs otherwise - some people like flirting and feel chemistry but don't want to date the person, some people are friendly like that in general and don't want to date, etc. Many reasons.

If it's that bad -how you interact - you need more than a mediator. I'd walk away. I don't think you're going to get past this or will "unhear" what he said no matter how much time passes. Especially since it was multiple comments.

I think it's individual. For me -yes, dealbreaker but I didn't tend to date the sort of men who would behave that way. Certainly moreso witih first meets where my sense of the person through the few messages and phone calls didn't match up with reality Here are some dealbreakers I had involving comments on a first meet or date or a second date. He bragged about threatening a stranger on a bus with physical violence who was rude to him and if I remember he did hit the guy. He told me his mother did "nothing!" as a SAHM -told me this twice. He told me his coworkers were really really dumb (months later he contacted me again on the same site- I told him why I had declined a second date - and he said his mother gave his father a second chance after a bad first date -but for me it was still a no go. He told me he wasn't dating anyone seriously but was having casual sex once a week or so with some gal he knew. He told me his doctor told him to stop smoking weed and he wasn't sure if he would. But these are individual to me -I didn't date men who smoked or used illegal drugs or drank a lot, I didn't date men who were comfortable with casual sex (as an adult -I didn't care much if during college they'd had their fun/gone through some sort of phase). Other women not only were fine with this but did the same so it would be a positive. I don't remember the ogling other women issue. From what Sindy described it would be a dealbreaker.

You've chosen not to accept -not "can't" - has he changed such that he never makes those sorts of comments or just not as often? Why does he need to talk to you about anything if it's not happening -what are the talks about -how do you show you are choosing not to trust him?

Yes- been there. And opposite -never imagined and -there was interest! Glad you tried - doesn't matter what co workers perceive -she is not interested in dating you and better to move on now so you don't waste time ruminating and you'll be open to someone enthusiastic about dating you!

I was copying what you wrote and agreeing with you. Sorry for the miscommunication. I'm glad! I reread what you wrote -were you being sarcastic? I missed that. I think not apologizing in the name of pride can be a sign of weakness- that is what I thought you meant -now I see you were saying what he would think? It was confusing to me.

What's wrong with a nice gesture -it's only one rose.

I liked gestures like that -one guy wo turned out to be a pathological liar -sigh - brought me a biscotti because I'd mentioned I liked a specific type. Another brought me a treat for the same reason. A single rose seems lovely to me.

I don't think she's that interested in dating you and if she does she'll be lukewarm about going and likely cancel. I'd move on. I'm sorry you're disappointed.

Always fair. I took safety into account.

Is he a lot better or has he stopped making any such comments? What is the reason for couples therapy?

You feel what you feel -just don't burden him with having to reassure you. Separately, in time, hopefully you will feel less needy too.

I only discussed if safe to do so -especially on a first date or first meet. Second date-depends on how well I knew him.

It is a sign of weakness I agree. I hope your son in law is doing ok.

You won't find your person unless you disqualify efficiently unless you're ok with settling. I wasn;t. My husband and I started officially being back together a week after I turned 39. He was 38. Married 15 years yesterday he said my text almost made him laugh out loud at his conference he is attending (something about how I couldn't believe that a small cut on my finger from a vegetable peeler made our entrance way look like a crime scene Colombo would have a field day with -yes we're old). OK so he was probably checking out the ladies while he texted (joking!) but obviously he's still into me at least my morbid humor. I didn't settle. And I also wanted a baby so badly!!! I almost did even 6 months or so before he and I got back in touch -so so close to doing that. That guy is happily married to his person -same year my husband and I married -it all worked out. Please don't settle for creepy/tacky behavior.