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notalady

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  1. I generally ask what they're looking for if I see potential to get serious and it's been a few dates. I don't see the big deal in asking, it's all just part of the normal conversation. I asked J on the 4th date
  2. I'm still following your journal reinvent just not been writing as much haha
  3. Let's be honest, he's a friend, friends shouldn't be this much hard work. Friendships are easy, simple, enjoyable. If you want to go through all this hard work, analysing the pros and cons, explaining your situation and going through these negotiation etc, you'd get into a relationship. So personally, I really wouldn't bother with him anymore. I'd simply say, I'm only interested in friendship. No need to explain any more. He either wants the same thing or don't.
  4. It's not so much the fact that you went on dates, more so the last two post where you seem to be doubting yourself and wanting to give him more chances that gives me the impression that you're trying to make it work with him despite the red flags, and it felt a bit like a deja vu reading that. That's just my impression though, as we all know sometimes written words can be misleading!
  5. Don't doubt yourself. Don't make the same mistakes of ignoring red flags and proceed to date the wrong guy again. This one is clearly not right. When someone moves fast, you run, I learned it the hard way if you remember. And no I don't think another conversation is necessary, only 4 dates, best time to exit before investing more time and eventually becoming attached. If you don't mind me saying, I also found myself feeling like you're rushing into another relationship soon after the other one ended.
  6. I would've just answered "no". His question was narcissistic and purely for attention seeking purposes, I'd be annoyed too and wouldn't bother meeting with him after that.
  7. Hahaha best love story ever. I recall Faraday's Jay loves spreadsheets too. Personally, I'm the spreadsheet lover in my relationship haha
  8. Wonderful news about your son! Although to me it sounds way too complicated for just a proposal, because so many people are now involved lol... that's just my personal feeling about it though, I know many people do it that way (get their friends and family involved in helping with the preparation or just be there to witness it), like for me, I'd feel self conscious about my reaction with so many people there and not be able to fully focus on embracing the moment with just the one other person that really matters in this moment, you know what I mean? But it's great news either way!
  9. Sorry it didn't work out with Toby, but it's good that you returned him quickly. Maybe it's too soon to get another cat hey?
  10. I can appreciate your difficult position Reinvent, obviously not as a mum but as a child. My dad always voiced his opinion about guys I was dating that I brought to meet him, positive or negative. Admittedly we're from a bit of a different culture, so family approval is very important to me (and my friends are the same). The way my dad approached it has always been to use rational reasoning with me. He knows I'm open to reason and he knows logical and rational discussions work with me. He never once said he doesn't like who I'm dating, he even said a few times, "it doesn't matter if I like them or get along with them, it matters if he makes YOU happy and is a suitable partner for YOU, afterall you are the one who has to spend the rest of your life with them". That takes away the personal aspect of it and make me look at things more objectively and more long term, rather than thinking "my dad is biased, he just doesn't like this guy". He always give me good reasons as to why he doesn't think this guy is a good match for me. I didn't always come to the same conclusion immediately, I didn't always agree, but I did take it in and eventually came to the same conclusion in all cases. So for one thing, it depends on how well you know your child and his personality and communication style (whether he's open to opinion and objective reasoning). And second, is to communicate your reasoning as objectively (not to express your personal feelings about it) as possible, and lastly, you just have to trust that your opinion is of value to him, and he has absorbed what you said even if he doesn't agree or put it into action immediately, then leave it up to him to come to that conclusion himself.
  11. That makes me sad poor Macy! She can't process grieve the same way we do because she doesn't understand why her companion is gone and why it had to happen.
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