You've really only ever thought poorly of me, the worst of me, and you were always sure to let me know it. Yet there was never any truth in what you said about me. You would constantly criticize me, hurl insults, and basically disrespect me. You took so much of what I felt, said, and did for you for granted, both the big and small things. You were inconsiderate and selfish, and you were disinterested in my affections. So I'm curious, what would being my friend now mean to you, when you weren't even my friend, let alone my lover, before?
I find myself disliking you so much. I hate that you've caused me to feel all of this crap. Yet my heart still wants what it wants, and it wants you. I hate that it wants you, because you were not good to me or for me. I deserve so much more, yet for whatever reason my heart still wants you. You have your FWB now. It sounds insane, but I feel like I want to be your friend just to be that FWB, no matter how unhealthy that would be long term. I hate the thought of you and this other guy, and him having you just for pleasure. But most of all I hate that this should even bother me, because you were not nice to me, quite the opposite. I dislike you so much, yet I still want you. A large part of me no longer cares about you, and I truly don't. You caused me so much pain. But even then, my heart still wants you. I hate what my heart wants.