Day 5
Right after I posted yesterday I saw that I had a missed call. It was from the ex. I'm glad I didn't see it ringing because I would have been very tempted to answer it. She didn't leave a voice mail so I have no idea what she was calling about. It's probably for the best. It did set me back a little just seeing that she called and I was really curious. I almost reached out to her right before since I came accross something that I knew she would be interested in. I kept myself in check but I really felt like a terrible person for not making an attempt to talk to her. I felt so guilty and selfish. I can't be there for her in that way anymore and I know I'll just end up getting hurt.
I realize that I have a lot of bitterness and resentment toward her and as much as I hate to admit, it's the only thing keeping me from contacting her. I know now that I just didn't trust her. She was so defensive and just didn't care how I felt. At the end, she was hiding things - she put new passwords on her phone and email, deleted all the texts between her and her guy friends, and went to see her most recent ex twice. I wanted to believe her so badly and I ignored the times she disrespected me. I'm just going to assume she's involved with her friend. All the evidence points to it and it will help me move on.
At least tomorrow will be easy. No pressure to contact since I'll be on a plane all day.