Batya33

Obviously no one ever knows for sure. In this particular circumstance I’d avoid meeting him. If he ever happens to be in your city or you in his I mean then sure. I met an ENA person many years ago who lived far from me and I met her because we happened to be visiting her city. We’d been in touch for years. And had she said she wanted to fly to meet me I’d have felt very uncomfortable even though it was a platonic friend.

Yes those are good and typical questions. A man who travels 3000 miles for a first meet when you haven't indicated you're looking for a serious relationship leading to long term commitment means there's more going on - with rare exception. Either he's looking for sex because it's easier if he then leaves your bed and town ASAP and can't be traced easily for pregnancy or STDs (or his partner/date finding out), or there's something very wrong with him or his past and not just that he's shy/quirky/nerdy. Or he's trying to scam you in some way which again living far away -if he lives where he says he does-makes it harder for you to get recourse.

I'd ask him before and I'd make it clear you're delighted to meet him during the day in a public place. Please also stay sober.

If he is not here anyway for family or business etc I'd be very concerned as to his motives and or mental health. Meeting in a public place lessens safety risk but it's likely to get very awkward and uncomfortable.

3,000 miles most often is a plane flight. It's a 5 hour flight or so from NYC-California. Figure 50-60mph driving.

Yes as long as you meet in a public place and don't get in a car with him or your car.I would not be comfortable meeting a person who would travel all that distance just to meet me especially if the two people weren't looking for marriage and you said you're not specifically/hasn't been discussed. I rarely communicated with long distance people through online dating sites. There was one exception and he had family in my area and would be visiting in a month. But he wanted me to promise not to date anyone in the meantime. I said I wouldn't do that. we stayed in touch as friends. 4 years later I'd moved to my current city and was a new mom and married. He was visiting family in that city and had a first meet-it was a couple hour drive. So we met in person on his second date with the woman lol. Oh and my baby son was there too. After that we saw each other two or three times when he visited my city and he now does IT work for our personal devices! We are good friends!

GIGS is Grass is Greener (syndrome). LOL my niece in her 20s didn't know what GMTA was (great minds think alike). Our son played monopoly on an ipad we had maybe starting at age 7 or so. No video games. During the pandemic -he'd just turned 11 -video games online with his friends were a total lifesaver for us having to telework in a small apartment and for him socially. We also back then did a lot of reading together and to him. Lately at 15 he's been back into chess again and he plays online with my husband! There's a balance -he was one of the last to get a phone if not the last -it was for his 14th bday and the next day he went on his first ever overnight trip -4 nights in a rural area and he would have been the only student on the trip with no phone. That's how we decided. He's never had good handwriting - it's an issue he's had for many years - but yes he learned in school. I would say over 90% of his work especially this past year -high school -is typed on his device. By contrast my husband and I very often edit our work by hand and I feel in a number of cases I really have to to produce the kind of work product I feel good about. I'm a mix of old fashioned and new-fashioned -this past Friday night - I had to figure out on my own (my son is really good at this) how to compress his video into a format that could be emailed to himself then posted on line in his school portal -it was for his final project and it was too big to be emailed. Husband was traveling. So I googled how -and it worked. Not exaggerating -in a zillion years if you'd asked me even 10 years ago if I'd ever imagine myself being able to do that -no way.

I've never had that experience ever and I am married many years. I have experienced friends sharing that they felt that way - sometimes it endured for many years and commitment, sometimes it was temporary. For me it was all about - I was proactive AND accepted that there were zero guarantees. I assumed I would have to put in a lot of effort and time and strategic thinking to reach my goal -my goal wasn't dating it was marriage and the opportunity to have a biological child. One essential part of my work was developing a thick skin which is why I suggested therapy. I was able to do this without. Because I had a thick skin about dating it meant I had more opportunities to be out there meeting people as I wasn't licking my wounds at home so to speak or distraught over a couple of dates, a rejection when I asked someone out or didn't get asked out, etc. I was back in the saddle, back in the front lines so to speak. There is control over reactions to feelings -no control over feelings of course. Having a busy, go getter, fun fulfilling life helped the thick skin part too. And made me a more interesting/diverse person on dates. About a week after I turned 50 I interviewed for a job that was basically a dream job for me. I hadn't worked outside the home in 7.5 years. I'd never worked in my new city which was a totally different environment than my former city. I hadn't worked in my field in 7.5 years either. I had to walk in there to meet with two of my future supervisors and carry myself with confidence and know for sure there were no guarantees. I had zero other interviews coming up at that point in my long job search. It's a lot like dating- and the rejection would have been incredibly disappointing. I had spent weeks applying for this job too. But I had to psych myself up and react to my feelings of fear/anxiety/am I good enough in my 8 year old suit I am wearing? by still -doing what had to be done. I did this on dates too. I think it's worthwhile to hone those skills, because life is full of rejection - and if you need a coach or therapy to do so or great books that inspire you -go for it!

I'm truly sorry and I don't think I ever said you snooped. The contrary. I thought his excuse about the mail was incredibly lame and weird. One of the 2 men who my 3 friends dated/married who lied about their age ended up having serious character flaws and wasted years of my friend's life in her 30s/40s - interestingly the age they lied about was only a year or two younger. The other is still married and apparently happy. I'm sorry you had to put up with this and delighted it was short lived.

Or maybe those who are in the know are actually out of touch! Slaves to the trends. Believing they are cool but comes with maybe some emptiness/GIGs all the time? At 34 I was single working my behind off, living on my own in a really nice high rise in the city, had a serious boyfriend who did all of the above -same age- and we were all into planning a Y2K New Years Eve celebration lol.

Therapy is a good solution when the reaction is so extreme.

That's not a healthy way for two humans to interact and seems abusive too so I would suggest figuring out how you can treat someone you are dating with basic respect and until then do not date. Even as a parent -which I am - yes he has to do what I say in certain instances but the consequences of not listening doesn't mean he gets cursed at etc.

That's funny -really - having one foot out the door "causes issues" for the couple? No - choosing to believe grass is greener and not being that into the person means you shouldn't be dating the person in any serious way -casual is fine because by definition that means you're ready to explore other options too. And if she had no chemistry why did she keep dating you and agree to go on an overnight trip? I don't think it's pushy to ask "what was your intention in texting me other than apologizing or was that it?" She doesn't seem to be "figuring things out" - it's already figured out -she lacked chemistry and was keeping options open and now she's musing as to whether she'd feel a spark if she tried again - maybe she's not doing well with her other dates. I think it would be pushy to insist she see you but it's fine to ask her why she texted you.

If a couple has to "work on issues" three months in and the issues are as you described with rare exceptions (no exceptions here!) the response is -bye bye.

Thanks so much! I did relate to her a lot! And I did approach Mikhail B- recognized him on the flight and couldn't resist. He was displeased that I did. I kept it short. I did not want a man who wanted to be "dominant" - I did want a man with reasonable confidence and assertiveness -and because I was a professional who dated men who mostly were professionals- those traits to me are really important to advance in most workplaces -they were in my career. I agree with Cherylyn that dominant is not the right way to describe it.