Socially CLUELESS Any suggestions, please!

If you could tell me anything that you think might help me come out of my shell, please respond.

I don't know where to start, so I will try to fill in the blanks first, then lay out what I think is bothering me.

My father owns and operates his own business. I have two older sisters. Naturally, this means I am poised to take over the business and for that I am thankful. However, knowing this while growing up lead me to demand respect and expect everybody to know who I am. Especially because we live in a very rural place outside a small city. I was a jerk when I was very young but learned to get along (barely) with others while in school.

Also while in school, I learned very early on that to be the teacher's pet is to be ostracized. So instead of answering the teacher's questions right away, I would wait a few seconds in case another student mite answer; but I wasn't patient enough to wait for the teacher to give it away so I ended up somewhere between teacher's pet and whatever. Anyway, doing so well academically was a choice in that I knew there were opportunities for college and also I simply enjoyed the student-teacher relationship better than the relationship with any of my peers. But I really wish I had taken the time to work on socializing with my peers. Really.

I grew up with two (much) older sisters, so I think this may be why I have always pictured myself with a (slightly) older female companion. From Kindergarten through grade 12, I wrote off every strange girl my age as immature even though I was no more mature myself (aside from my upbringing by older-than average parents, and having older siblings than most others) but just thought I knew it all. I never spoke to any girls much, the one time I asked a girl to a school dance 4th grade I was rejected and didn't try again until middle school, basically for fear of rejection.

Perhaps I was more mature than my peers then, but today I still feel about as mature socially as your average 4th grader. I literally cannot remember having a conversation with a female I'm attracted to. Ever. Or any conversation with any other human being, for that matter. I just want to do it all and do it my way, except it's no fun if there isn't anybody else playing along of course.

For "flirting" my experience is limited to some job or school-related nonsense where I would keep telling myself eventually I might ask her out when the time is right - that type of thing. I have talked to women before, but I am not exaggerating when I say that I can't remember having a conversation with a female.

Except for the one time during a college party where I basically talked to a random chick for about a minute and asked her if she wanted to make out. I was wasted. Long story short we left the party and "had intercourse" (f*cked) for about 4 hours and it was probably the worst decision of my life (but thank God she didn't get pregnant from me - that I know of) Ok maybe top 5 but I'm not keeping track. Did I mention that I have incredible stamina for being a chronic masturbator and porn addict?? Because I think that makes my already unique perspective that much more 'extraordinary.'

So maybe you are wondering, "Why the hell would a person who can go and run the family business go to college?"

Me too. You should ask my mother. And while you're at it, ask her why she introduced me as being "shy" at every single goddamned interaction there ever was in my youth. She told me I 'really should go to college and get a degree' but after my first semester it became 'maybe college isn't for you' as if straight A's through high school and up to that point wasn't good enough.

And honest to God, I want to to do both. I want to get an engineering degree and take over the business, and expand it. But I have been getting in trouble with drugs and alcohol and none of the people who would say they are my friends really know what I am capable of. They don't respect me. They disrespect me. I try to be a good friend but all I ever get back is SH1T. The people who could have been great friends with me quit hanging out with me after I started to smoke. Just weed, BTW.

I know I have been rude when I was young, and I also know that I had maybe one or two good friends in middle school. Even before the drugs though, it seems like I would become very close with a guy friend until somehow it always ended in some sort of fight (not physical just name calling or whatever). And it would be like war, no apologies, no making up. Now that I hang out with a bunch of idiots, I occasionally get bullied. Physically. I could probably hold my own in a fight but I have never hit anybody and I want to keep it that way.

Why is it so hard to get respect??? What is respect??? I know the truth, and God knows the truth. F*CK what everybody else says.

I still think marijuana is not that bad, but I want to quit anyway. I just feel powerless in social situations. I know that pot isn't going to help that, but I was not good with groups before I started smoking and I'm still no good with groups. It helps me relax.

How can I get away from all these *sshole's I've been hanging out with since high school?

Why is it so difficult to meet attractive women?

Is it inappropriate to try to get a girls number at work? College?

What if I want sex in a relationship but also want to keep it classy? Respectable? Is that even possible?

I actually hate *every* last person who would say they are a friend, except perhaps all those 'friends' I haven't seen since middle school or whatever, those guys are alright. I have also come to hate my mother, I resent her more every day. She cannot help me although she tries. When I was 10 or 12 she got drunk and told me about sex, that I 'should have sex' 'someday' and that I probably already knew more about it from riding the school bus with other kids. She's crazy.

How am I supposed to decide what to do with my life?

How do people make friends if they aren't in school and the only other person you work with is your father?

How do friendships last?

Is it weird to ask a girl out on a date if you have only met her once or twice? What do people on dates even talk about?

Sorry for such a long post. It is my first post and I will try to narrow down my problems as I figure out what they are and hopefully solve at least some of them.

I am experienced in some areas of life, and thus I will attempt to support others in need of help through this website by posting and commenting.

Namaste

Getting these issues off your chest is a good start. Don't feel bad that you're all little all over the place right now. I think it makes sense to talk about your past with family and friends to give us some idea of what's going on in your life and why you might feel socially awkward.

Being more mature can be a bit of a curse sometimes. It's hard to be patient with people, and when they finally grow up you can feel kind of bitter. The problem is that mature people can actually be slightly boring or be lacking something. I think you're one of those people who doesn't fit into a specific category so I think the best solution would be to find friends from a lot of different groups, then you'll see how different groups have different strengths and weaknesses. That's totally fine, most people are like that to some extent.

It doesn't feel good to be around the people who you call your friends but not even really like them or feel connected to them. It could be that because you're not content with your life right now, you see them differently than they might really be. Trust your instincts to move on and find a social group but those people might not be quite as bad as they seem.

I'm not good at forgiving people either, but I haven't gain anything positive from not making up with people, even when they've done something terrible to me.

We all have to realize people screw up sometimes, sometimes they screw up more than we do. Friends help you pass the time and share good times but not many will stand by you when you need it (in my experience hopefully I'm wrong.) Don't expect anyone to ever the right thing, and just be happy with what you have sometimes. Never lose sight of your goals or what you want but accept the present.

Be humble and learn from everyone.

When you're approaching girls, being good at small talk is probably somewhat important. Don't get into personal or deep topics too quickly. Being funny is good but try to stay away from pickup lines. Learning how to make people laugh isn't easy though, I think it's way more awkward to try to be funny and fail than to just be yourself. Still think it's one of the best social skills to have, it's just hard to pick it up.

People also talk about upcoming events, family, pets, their day, their memories, things that are happening around them, sports, music, food, entertainment, tech, try to talk about things that make you feel good or that are interesting for other people to hear.

Try to make friends with them first if you're not experienced. You want to actually enjoy yourself. If you don't know what to talk about you might need to get more hobbies or find out more about things. Treat them like you would treat any other person. Flirting is basically just joking around with another person and sometimes being slightly physical.

Dating is basically just hanging out. Have fun. Don't worry so much about getting into someone's pants at first.

By the way, respect is tricky, people might respect you more than you think. If you act like you're better than people they might not want to respect you, if you're a push over they might not respect you. Try to have your own peace of mind no matter what. I think it's less stressful to try get people to treat you well rather than trying to get respect.