Should I ask her out or wait to see if she contacts me?

So I'd really like to get back together with my ex. We broke up in October were still in a fair amount of contact for the first month or so and then i went NC. She ended up breaking it in late January just as I was starting to feel better. We hung out a couple times, but she didn't appear to want to reconcile and I couldn't put forth the effort yet, as I was still working on myself mentally.

I went NC again. I asked her to hang out recently. We had the catch up talk and she had to go relatively quickly. I met with her again the next day to get something from her. She was originally going to come drop it off to me, but when she got home, found there was a party her roommates were having. So she made sure it was ok and invited me over. She hardly talked to me while I was there. I was there for a few hours and then everyone was going to play disc golf. She asked what I was doing and if I played (she knows i don't). She said I could come if i wanted, but i felt so much distance from her, I thought it best I just go home, especially since I was feeling that well.

She ended up texting the next day asking how I was feeling. There was about 3-4 replies and the conversation was over.

So I'm not sure where to go from here. She'll be in contact with me, but tends to be very distanced or even bored of, and ignoring to me. It feels like she completely moved on and has n felings for me, which could be completely true. At the same time I think she might be distanced or reluctant to let me in, because she's scared I'm still the same way I was before I worked on problems that I have.

I feel like I should wait until next week and ask her to go on an actual date. I have a feeling I'm going to get a "no" but i think it's worth a try. Should i do that or try to wait for awhile and see if she contacts me?

If I were you I wouldn't ask her on a date but maybe ask to grab lunch or something. By all means initiate the contact but I think it's too early to go on a date by how distanced she's sounding. If you two go for lunch/coffEe etc. I'd leave her be for a bit afterwards - whether it went good or bad - and not push anything. Sounds like she's the dumper, no? If that's the case then I'd definitely stick to what I said.

If I were you I wouldn't ask her on a date but maybe ask to grab lunch or something. By all means initiate the contact but I think it's too early to go on a date by how distanced she's sounding. If you two go for lunch/coffEe etc. I'd leave her be for a bit afterwards - whether it went good or bad - and not push anything. Sounds like she's the dumper, no? If that's the case then I'd definitely stick to what I said.

It just really seems like she just doesn't care about me anymore. I already asked her to hang out. She said yes, but ended up flaking out on it and it was awhile before we actually saw each other. It was a pretty short "hangout" and there was nothing that I saw in that or the next day that showed she had much of an interest in me anymore. She's definitely different than she used to be, as am I. I just want to ask her out so we can feel each other out a bit, to see if we can see the changes in each other, if we like them, and if anything can come out of it.

I don't expect to just get back together, I suspect we'll have to start a new relationship as we are two different people now. I'm just worried that the behavior that she showed of not talking with me that much or looking at me shows she's over it, not attracted to me anymore, and wants nothing to do with me.

I guess since we really did hangout 2 days in a row, I should just leave it for awhile. Maybe like a week and a half or so, thn try to contact her about having dinner or something?

P.S. Yes, she was the dumper.

I'd definitely leave it for a week or two. Go NIC for that time. I do have a couple of questions though which might explain partially why she's acting distant... Were you the more outgoing one out of the two of you? Have you been more "happy" than her when you two have hung out? Have you mentioned the realtionship at all or when you're together has it all been about fun? - basically acting like nothing happened. The reason I ask is because even though I was a dumper way back when, I acted like you're portraying her even though I loved the guy.

People are afraid to be vulnerable and get hurt but in my experience that pain can be more tolerable than regret. Some days I regret opening myself up to my ex (because I think I was too nice to his cheating/lying self) but 90% of the time I'm glad I said what I said and can move on with my life.

Give it a week or two of NIC then go from there. Take this time for yourself, try to see things with a clearer head and when the time comes you'll know what to do, what's best for you. In the long run you shouldn't have to chase her and you shouldn't feel uneasy about your relationship. If nothing changes in the next few hangout sessions I'd call it quits, go NC and move on to better, more fulfilling things.

I definitely wouldnt ask this girl at all.....you are giving her the power by showing her you are still interested in her.

She also doesnt appear to be sending any signals that indicate she is waiting, or would like you to ask her out to something.

I personally would just stick with NC/NIC

It just really seems like she just doesn't care about me anymore. I already asked her to hang out. She said yes, but ended up flaking out on it and it was awhile before we actually saw each other. It was a pretty short "hangout" and there was nothing that I saw in that or the next day that showed she had much of an interest in me anymore. She's definitely different than she used to be, as am I. I just want to ask her out so we can feel each other out a bit, to see if we can see the changes in each other, if we like them, and if anything can come out of it.

 

P.S. Yes, she was the dumper.

My dear, I was actually in your corner about asking her out until you said that she didn't seem interested and even seemed bored when you two hang out. That's really no good! The hangouts, my friend, ARE the 'dates' because that's how you can gauge someone's relative interest in you. If she flakes and feels ennui spending time with you, that's a pretty bad sign overall. To me it means you need to move on.

Why did she break up with you?