Hi,
I'm new to this and really have no idea how to start off. So I guess I will just start. I am in a realtionship with a girl for 2 years now and I have known her for about 11 years. I knew her all throughout highschool and I knew her boyfriends as well. We were good friends thoughout the years we known each other however lost touch after highschool. She would still contact me on every birthday. The last time she contacted me we decided to take it a step further and we began dating. The relationship is great and she is a wonderful caring independent indivdual. We get along very well and do sometimes have our problems, however they are minor. We have decided that we are each others soul mates and we make future plans to get married. She is not an overly emotional girl and she doesn't need attention at all. She allows me freedom to do what I choose and doesn't bother me if I want to go out with my friends or stay home and veg out. (keep in mind I don't go out with my friends very often because of loss of touch)
Now that you have a good idea about my current relationship let me get on with my problem. My problem is self confidence and trust. I have talked to her about these issues and she sees them as well. I am trying hard not to be possesive or jealous of her so I offer her the same freedoms as she gives me. My problem is internal. I can't handle when she approaches me with girls night out. Usally that entails her going to a bar or club with a friend of hers. These nights become restless for me. I wind up with jealous thoughts and cannot sleep. Sometimes my jeaousy gets so much that it causes me to become sick to my stomach. I go out with my friends to try and curb the jealous feelings, however wind up only thinking of some guy talking to her that she might leave me for. When she gets home I ask her home many guys hit on her. She gets upset but understands that I have a trust problem.
Recently she has been bogged down with alot of school work and is looking forward to the summer to de stress. Already the stomach churned because she went to a friends house for a party. I was invited but I couldn't make it until later. Today she is starting YOGA to release some unwanted stress and all I can think about is some guy is going to talk with her and she will be friendly and might wind up going out for coffee. (I have no reason to think this because she never has done anything like that around me)
I don't trust very well especially when guys are involved. If she tells me she is going to her friends house for coffee and to watch a movie. I have no issue. If she tells me she is going to a diner with a girlfriend for dinner. I have no problem. Its when she goes to places that guys could take her away from me which gives me a problem.
History of previous realtionships I had were also distrusting. My first gf had sex with my best friend behind my back 10 years ago. Yes I know terrible but I should let it go that was more then 10 years ago. Other girfriends since then, I held them to just hangging out with me or my friends. I would remove them from going out alone and I made them guitly if they even brought it up. It caused alot of fights between these woman.
Most of my life was dating girls I didn't find attractive because I felt I couldn't get anyone better. All of my relationships the girls made the first move. With the ones I wanted to know or date, I clamm up and could't bear to be rejected. So I never tried to date anyone
My current girlfriend that I knew for so long, I was finally able to muster some curouage and tell her I had a crush on her since the first day I met her. Even then she had to make the first Move.... I am a mess
I don't want to loose my girlfriend so I deal with jealousy and pain internally, no matter how upset or sick I get. I need help she thinks I should get some professional help but i figured i would ask you guys first. Any advice would be great. I really want her to have the best bf she can find so I need to let go of my insecurites and trust issues. Help Please