How Would This Make You Feel?

[jujigatame]

I'm a very outgoing person and am almost completely unafraid of rejection at this point. 8) This makes my approach to girls I'm attracted to rather direct. If I see a girl I think is attractive and would like to get to know better, I basically just come up, start a conversation, and ask for a number if the girl seems interested in me. I really prefer the short, direct approach because it minimizes the pain of rejection - I didn't break my back trying to please this girl, so why get bent out of shape over it?

 

However, in talking to a number of my female friends, and a couple of girls I've met in the aforementioned manner, I've come to realize that being hit on is not something they enjoy! They all seem to blow the act of being asked for a phone number, or given a compliment, or being otherwise flirted with completely out of proportion, hearing "I want you to be my girlfriend" instead of "Hey, let's just talk some more and see what happens". It's really confusing to me that a girl would give me her phone number even though she was honestly put off by my approach, and also that they would see my interaction with them as indicative of a desire to go out with them, not to talk with them two or three times over the phone and then be told they're already involved with someone!

 

When I approach a girl, I want to make her feel like I've noticed her and think she's attractive without being threatening or lascivious. I want her to be comfortable enough to accept or decline my offer of further interaction with no worries, and I want her to realize that I'm not a stalker or a creep.

 

Anyway, ladies (and men too) of eNotAlone, I want to know directly from you what you think about this kind of direct approach. Please post your comments. How would this approach make you feel? Would you be inclined to talk with me more if I did this to you? What do you think is the reason behind some of these girls' discomfort or total obliviousness to the nature of the interaction (Keep in mind that I'm in high school, and so are all my "targets"). Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to this. Much appreciated!

[vampyr]

Well.. first off, there is a right time and a wrong time to approach a girl. In school during class is probably not one of them. Also... if you are going to school with this girl, you have all school year to ask for her number. So why not just start with a Hi, how are you? Catch her in the same place a few times and always say Hi. Eventually she will start to wonder who you are. After a few times, ask her, her name. Then tell her your name. Next time you see her, say Hi with her name after it.

 

Girls.. especially that age, do not like to get hit on unless they are already attracted to you.

 

The only time you would want to do the direct approach is if you meet a girl that you know you will never ever see again... so now is the time to lay it on the line.

 

Just my advice... but what do I know... I'm single.

[jujigatame]

Right, right. I don't approach girls in the middle of class or anything. Just if they're around in the halls or in study hall. But yeah, I know what you're talking about. I do what you're talking about unless I don't think I'll see the person regularly. But I still like to be up-front about it. I guess that's more of what I was getting at with the gist of my message - if I see a girl I think is cute, I'll go up and talk. I do have some sense of timing... but I'm still okay with just going for the number right away.

[real amour]

Hi. Actually, I don,t know how old you are, but I think the older you are the more direct you think it should be so you know the guy isn,t just flirting. He really knows what he wants, heck it is just a date, not a proposal. I had a long distance beau and another guy I think was flirting, but he never directly asked me out, though I do think he may have been interested in me looking back (sadly). My beau had always been more direct and that is how he got me. I knew he knew that he really wanted to be with me. Good luck.