White flag?...i don't wanna give up

[audrey]

Since the last time my bf was here to see me many things have changed.it was the 4th time we were together and the big difference from the previous ones is that it was the greatest one.

 

But after he left i started feeling very deppresed. i miss him so much that i can't help letting him know about this. when i mention something about the distance he gets moody and few times he got very upset. when he did it confused me cause i thought maybe he minds i miss him a lot. he said that it annoys him cause im not being possitive and i think he's right but i can't handle this without some couraging words from him.

 

once i asked him why he never shows if he's sad for the distance sames as me, cause it makes me think maybe he doesn't miss me and doesnt mind we're apart. he said it was a good question and also he has a good anwser: because of some big sad times he had in the past made him a tough guy and never show to other his real feelings. so that's why he sends any pain away by saying jokes to get smiles.

 

i think that's really nice from his personality and i wish i could do the same but i just can't i don't know how to avoid feeling sad for the fact i can't see him more than twice a year and now that he won't come in july so it'll be 3 months till i see him again. i swear i try to keep my mind busy doing the things i like but it will be there so it comes when we have to end the conversation by the phone or when im trying to get some sleep at night.

 

All that makes me sad. i do know i should do what he asked me: to be happy! but how do i make it? if i miss him this much it's cause i love him lots and time is being cruel after more than 2 years of LDR.

 

i wish i could be strong as him, i think i just screw everything up when i start telling him about my sadness and i don't want that](*,)

[desert_rose26]

Are you sure that his excuse was genuine? I'm not saying it's not but if I were in your shoes (which I am sort of) I would try to make sure he's telling the truth and not stringing you along. I just hope it's not the case where "he's just not that into you". Make sure he's being true.

 

But it sounds like he might have a very busy life and that's why it's much easier for him to not miss you as much. If someone was really busy, they most of the time wouldn't have time to think about you. (maybe)..try to be very busy...make a rule where whenever you think of him, do this one activity to take your mind off. I don't have any other advices to give...except be busy and take your energy elsewhere to be more productive.

 

I'm just wondering, did you guys meet online?

[audrey]

he has been always the one making sacrifices. that's why i feel guilty for not being strong. i know his excuse was genuine cause i know all the serious problems he had to overcome when he was younger.

 

yeah, he works and has 2 rotative shifts, one week early in the morning and the next one starting in the afternoon till midnight or sometimes more cause he works in a factory. maybe you're right he's too much busy to miss me. but i wanna think he does cause it's like my mom says, if he calls you everyday it's cause you're in his mind. i think that's true.

 

i would love to be busy but it's quite difficult when i just spend 4 hours studing outside. im looking for a job but this country sucks when you wanna work.

 

well, i wouldnt say online exactly cause it was very special the way we met. he found me as one of the newest members in the official website for fans of our favorite singer. there he found my hotmail adreess so he added me to his msn. then everything started.

 

i tell you my problem isnt that i think he is too busy to have some time for me, he shows me everyday the opposite. my problem is that i'm afraid that maybe he likes the way things are, distance, being apart, etc and i can't take that. i want to be sure he does hate this big distance, just like me.

[RebeccaChow]

Why can't you go there instead? Since he can't get off his committments.

[audrey]

hi Rebecca,

 

god perfectly knows i would go, but it's almost impossible. i can't paid a 1000 euros flight ticket to go there. i need to save more than 1000 soles (Peru currency) just to get a little in euros for my pocket money.that' around 250 euros.(almost nothing)

 

also i do need the visa so an invitation from someone of Holland is very important. the first time i was there he invited me. he paid the ticket and everything, even the money they ask here to get your passport

 

as long as you see it's easier he comes here than it is for me going there

thanks buddy