again and again....

[devast]

Hello ENA'ers.... its been a long time since the last time i've been here...

 

Its been 3 months from my break-up... I tried NC before I felt better for a month (last March) and I thought I am ok so the whole month of april I tried "less contact"... coz honestly I am still hoping we can get back together so I thought I don't want to totally loose the feelings sha have left for me...

 

BUT!!!! yesterday she told me she's now accepting invitations for going out on a date... plain dinner... the "getting to know each other" stage...

 

OUCH!!! It hit me like "chaos"...So until today I am so sad and down... I thought I am ok... I thought we are becoming casual... But she was crying when she told me about it coz she said she doesn't feel anything at all... she said she thinks she doesn't know how to feel the "butterflies"..

 

I tried to be OK and talk casual as she told me about it... But after that I can't help it... I wrote an email saying "I can't be an option or just one of the choices"... I told her I had my time with her long enough for her to know if she love me still...I don't want to be lined up with her dates and get my chance to be chosen...

 

I actually implied... I will not want her back if her reason is because her dates are no better than me...

 

But... I am badly hurt.... I can't explain what I am feeling right now.... I feel like I don't want to loose her forever and I want to cry but my tears don't fall as I am feeling mixed with anger or hate that it insulted me how she would want to see what her dates have to offer and yet she feels bad and cry about it coz she knows she still loves me but she wishes she can stop that feeling...

 

I would like to go full NC back again...but its killing me coz I want to fight and get her back...](*,) ](*,)

 

Anyone's insight would be very much appreciated...

[RebeccaChow]

Wow.. okay. Did she tell you that she still loves you and want to get back after some time? I seriously don't think you should stop NC till you get over her, its not good clinging onto false hope of getting back to her when she's out there dating other guys. You're like someone she can fall back on when all fails, like a spare. I don't think anyone deserves that.

 

Ask her out for one LAST talk about getting back together and what are the chances. If she does not want to get back, do not contact her anymore. Let her move on and do yourself a favour. You need to move on too. You're just hurting yourself more and more if you do this.

 

Do that, if all fails go back to full NC. Do not make any attempts to contact her. Hugs.. I'm sure you'll be fine.

[devast]

Thanks Bec, asking her back one last time will not be necessary anymore.

 

She called me last night, she just want to make a reaction bout the email I wrote. The convo just went sour and I got pissed off.

 

Its just that she's trying to explain what she doing right now...shes trying to justify... And it pisses me off coz its like shes trying to get rid of the guilt that shes having for going out on a date when she knew I was waiting.

 

But so much for that..We made it clear... we are not getting back anymore.. That's all I need to hear... Now I am on my way to find my own happiness...

 

I am just pissed off with her lame explainations or justifications, coz the fact is, I didn't understand anything she's saying but just her way not to feel guilty or make her look like a really good girl whom if not for me she wouldn't have done what she's doing now..

 

Well I told her whatever it is that you're doing...just do it... don't mind how I feel coz whatever justification she makes... in the end it still hurts...

 

That's the game of love... you fall in love but you don't know why... you fall out of love, love someone else and hurt the other, but theres no good explaination about it...

 

Anyway, thanks for your response, Bec. I see your from Singapore, if you see my ex there can you tell her "what is the game of love"..

 

Bless you, Bec.