I need some major advice PLEASE

[scared and alone]

I was at a bar one time with a friend and there was a guy at our table with us, he was a with this girl we met there and at first we were just talking and i had a REALLY strong drink and he noticed that, so he started getting friendly, then the next thing i remember is i was standing up and he asked me if he could kiss me and i said he could kiss my cheek (I meant butt cheek, being a smartass, cuz i have a boyfriend and i dont do that) and the next thing i know, i *think* he kissed my cheek. and then as i was going to leave, he hugged me, a really long hug and kinda rubbed my back and i backed away from him, because, no. and then we left. well, the next day he comes to my work (which i didn't tell HIM to) and he hugs me again when he goes to leave. i was a little freaked out. and i called him later that day because i was worried, he hadnt been to sleep yet and i haven't talking to him since, but I feel SO bad. I told my boyfriend about him hitting on me, but nothing else. what should I do. I had no dishonarable intentions and I would NEVER cheat on my boyfriend. can i get some advice? I live with this guilt 24/7.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I wont make light of your situation, but if i understand it what happened really didn't seem all that *bad*.

 

he flirted with you, you flirted back, he crossed a boundary by kissing your cheek, then gave you a hug. Then showed up at your work.

 

Now I'm not sure why on earth you would call him, but okay...

 

Anyway, you can tell your boyfriend that some guy kissed you on the cheek at a bar, and then showed up to your work, but I think that would just make him angry at the guy.

 

Is there more to this story?

[scared and alone]

I wasn't even flirting back, I was drunk, so i didn't even think of how bad it all seemed at the time, but now that I think about it, I feel horrible. I did NOT want anything to happen with this guy. I was simply just talking to him, but he probably saw some drunk girl that he could try to get and that just wasn't gonna happen with me. I'm like crying right now just thinking about all of this. It's all I think about anymore and it's driving me insane. and yes i know, it was stupid to call him, and i COMPLETELY regret it, but i just wanted to make sure he made it home ok.

[Caldus]

You need to first of all make it clear to him that you are taken. Then just tell your boyfriend the truth. And next time be easy on the drinks or at least have a friend monitor you or something.

[scared and alone]

I told him that when he asked if he could kiss me. and i only had 1 1/2 drinks, they were STRONG. I don't even want to drink anymore. I just don't want my boyfriend to think that he can't trust me, because he CAN. And he always calls me a good girl, which i am. i just don't want that one stupid incidence to come between us because it was NOTHING to me.

[Slagar]

Scared and alone, I think you don't need to worry so much about this

 

Obviously things didn't go as you intended, and really it's not such a big deal. I'd just ignore the guy from now on, and if he persists just let him know you're not interested.

 

Your boyfriend has nothing to worry about. Obviously he wouldn't be super happy with the guy, but he's got no reason to mistrust you. If your boyfriend starts to get that way, then just reassure him it was a misunderstanding when you were a bit drunk, it's delt with, and that he is the only guy for you.

 

Hope this helps

[Caldus]

If you be very honest about it and assure him that you didn't mean for it to go as far as went, then I'm sure he won't make it a big enough deal to end the relationship. If you don't tell him, what if he finds out from someone else?

[scared and alone]

should i tell him the whole thing though? i dont want him to think i lie to him, because i don't. im just scared to tell him this because i dont want him to take it the wrong way. and i havent seen that guy since that day. well, i saw him one more time, but i completely avoided him. nothing like that has ever happened again. I just cant help but feel awful. and im really scared to tell him because i told him a much shorter version before and he thinks all that happened was a guy hit on me and i blew him off and that would have been the case, if he wasnt in our group already. And my boyfriend already told me he wouldn't break up with me if i cheated (which i didnt and WOULDNT) but that didn't happen, just very stupid things.

[RebeccaChow]

I don't think you did anything majorly wrong which should make you feel guilty. You didn't french kiss him did you? Its just a hug, I think there is no wrong in hugging friends.

 

How the hell did he find out where you work? And why did you call him? Just tell your boyfriend that he made advances on you, like hug you. And don't meet that guy again, I'm sure he'll try.

[Slagar]

...and he thinks all that happened was a guy hit on me and i blew him off and that would have been the case, if he wasnt in our group already.

 

That's pretty close to what _did_ happen, isn't it?

The difference is you lead him on unintentionally. We all make mistakes; if you feel guilty, feel guilty for leading the guy on by accident. Your boyfriend has nothing to worry about - you seem pretty faithful

 

If you do decide to tell him, to simply get it off your mind, just make sure you're very clear about what happened. Depending on how you tell him, could decide whether he'll get upset or not. But if you're clear and sincere, then you should have no problems.

 

Heck, if my girlfriend (when I was attached anyway) sat me down, and told me something like this, I'd be like "Uhh, okay. And?

If he's concerned at all because you mentioned a shorter version of this before, just make sure he's aware you feel extremely guilty over it because you don't want to hurt the relationship.

 

Then forget about it!

[scared and alone]

Thank you guys for listening and understanding and giving me advice. I told him everything, but yet i STILL feel guilty. Even though HE told me not to and that he didnt think i did anything wrong. I don't know why, i have a horrible guilt issues and i think im gonna look into seeking therapy because im just feeling depressed, about everything in my life right now an i dont know what else to do. now im scared about going to sleep and having nightmares about this. gah.

[Slagar]

I'm glad he didn't make a fuss about it

You're just stressing over nothing.

 

Just close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and let yourself understand "Hey, everything is fine, so what am I worried about?"

A lot of how we feel is largely related to how we let ourselves feel. You will be fine

 

Take it easy scaredandalone. We're always here to listen if you need it

[Cimmie]

Hi scaredandalone

 

Think you need to ease up on yourself a little. I think you're judging yourself far too harshly over something minor. If you think your boyf will hear about it from someone else then tell him that you were hit on but blew the guy off. If not, then I'd say don't even bother. The fact that you feel bad about it means that you have a conscience. Cheaters don't, otherwise they wouldn't do it...

[eleanorrigby1]

aww babe i feel for you! you sound all worked up and upset about this and you know somehing, you dont need to!

 

you did nothing wrong! you tell your boyfriend EVERYTHING so that nothing comes out that he doesnt know and that could potentially make you look like you are hiding something.

 

your boyfriend has nothing to worry about you are obviously very trustworthy, lovely, girlfriend!

 

Hey i got drunk once, years ago and cheated on my boyfriend at the time (now an ex) and THAT was BAD!! i was mortified and cried and cried and cried and felt so guilty.

 

You need to let yourself off the hook honey!

 

xx

[scared and alone]

Thank you all SO much for your understanding and advice, believe me, i told him everything, including the things i REALLY didnt want to tell him, but i had to be honest and im glad he understood and he just said that i was very naive, which i agree lol. and he also said i can get really stupid when im drunk, which is why i feel bad because ONLY because i was drunk did i let happen what did happen, and that i feel awful for. I would NEVER do anything like that sober. its just when youre drunk and you feel weightless, stupid stuff can happn and it has taught me to be even more careful and suspicious. and i felt bad because i wouldnt do stuff like that with him around, but i also was honest about it, so its not that it makes it ok, but it makes me honest. he even told me of a sort of incidence he had like that, where someone grabbed his * * *, but he didnt think anything of it because she was drunk. i'm starting to get over it. again, thank you guys very much for making me feel better! and i will NEVER let anything like that happen again. lol He's actually more mad at the friend i was with for leaving me alone with this guy lol.