Scared to death and I don't know what to do

[Black Pheonyxx]

I guess I will just jump right into this. I was supposed to get some ifo from my husbands email which I did. Not a problem went as planned. After I left his email I was just sort of wondering around our favorites list. I entered what I thought would be a poem or poetry site. It wasn't it was a private message board for him and another member of our group. At first I just signed out and left it alone but the topics the words used well they stuck in my head. After a few minutes I went back. Okay I was wrong to invade his privacy. Now I have this information about a very dangerous situation and I have no idea what to do with it. He it seems is being himself supportive encouraging and generous. She on the other hand seems to be falling in love with him if not already deeping enamored. I know something about her she is very often depressed and feels a great self loathing, she is in a great deal of pain and I am afraid that she may feel too strongly for my husband and I am afraid he may have feelings for her as well. I am not saying this very well and I am sorry I just don't know how to talk about it. I never expected to feel this way or to have a reason even in my own mind to feel his way.

[charmed]

Hi Black Pheonyxx,

 

You have stumbled accross information by snooping. THe information has raised insecurities inside yourself which you didn't have before you saw the information. This is the consequense of snooping - and can be very troubling when you have only your own mind as your enemy during the time after finding out the information.

 

Firstly, if she wanted to marry your husband and swear her life to him - you shouldn't be too concerned. That is of course, once you trust your husband. He hasn't given you any idea that he is unhappy about the marraige or anything. I understand that you are in some sort of support group am I right? Well in this game, it is not uncommon for people to become emotionally attached to the people that are helping them - and she may just be like that here. All you should be thinking about is whether your husband is to be trusted. If he is, then there is no problem. If he is not, then you have an issue - but that issue has existed - this has just raised the issue to the front.

 

Obviously you can not tell him that you have been snooping, and unless you do, you will be unable to bring up this topic - again - don't be snooping !! So unless you have reason to suspect anything going on here, forget you saw this, and let him get on with doing somebody some innocent help.

 

Hope this helps you some,

[Black Pheonyxx]

We aren't in a strickly speaking support group it is a place to post things we write you know short stories poetry random thoughts.

[Black Pheonyxx]

the other part is that we have been fighting more and more lately and he has a really nasty habit of bringing divorce into it he always seems to find a reason to tell me I want a divorce. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to realize that I can't fight that I break he wins by the simple means of scaring the fight out of me. I end up trying everything to convince him I don't want a divorce I stop trying to reach a conclusion to the accually reason for the fight.

[charmed]

Hi Poeonyxx,

 

Tell me, ...what exactly had he been saying to this woman? How much reason for concern has he given you?

 

He might be scaring the fight out of you, but you are letting him ! Confrontation is good in a relationship - and can be very constructive to the development of the relationship. Don't be afraid to fight with him - just make sure that it doesn't get to the stage where you are outside your comfort zone.

 

~

[sisterlynch]

This is always difficult in long-standing relationships, you both get so pent up with anger that the one who shouts the loudest is aways the winner, this is not logical thought however. Try to find some more common ground with him to talk over. It sounds like he may be under some pressures at work that he may not have fully discussed with you before.

 

What are you really asking for, more attention, more intimacy. more love, more respect, these are the topics of communication, not who slept with whom, this isn't valid communication.

 

Set some long term goals and start making a list and keeping a journal of facts and behaviors, this is an important 1 st step in getting him to face the facts of life as YOU see them, don't be swayed by his petty statements.

 

If he throws divorce in your face again, say fine! and let him do all the lawyer work etc, I am pretty sure that he will come around once he realizes that he may have to admit what is really bugging him, I guarantee it isn't you or the marriage, it is something else.

 

If the woman on the chat group really needs his attention that bad, she will get it from him. You need to be aware of the topics of his communication with her. He needs to tell you the truth.